confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

Every brush stroke, every colour.
It's beautiful.
I've never been more exited to see a students work.
The painting is of a porcelain doll, she has on a green satin dress, identical to one that I own and long flowing brown hair.
The doll is lying on hard wooden floor, one arm lies smashed on the floorboards.
Mimicking my own broken arm, my arms healed now but it's rather painful to move about a lot.
But the picture is wonderful.
For some reason I find it the most beautiful thing.
I've not felt this enthused about something in a long time.

"Nessa it's lovely." Elphaba says humouring me, though I'm sure she probably finds it creepy.
She was never into dolls, I always was, she found my dolls spooky.
Suddenly a thought crosses my mind.
"Isn't it ironic?" I chirp "that a doll is what made me break my arm when I was young."
Elphaba looks at me uneasily, though I'm unsure as to why.
"Ness, are you alright?"
I nod my head, my eyes fixated on the canvas.
"Nessa!" Elphaba snaps suddenly.
Swiftly, I turn my head to look at her.
Then out of the blue I start to cry, loud frantic sobs.
I scramble to get a handkerchief out of my drawdowns dab at my eyes.
Elphie scurries over to my desk.
"I didn't mean to make you cry," Elphaba exclaims "sorry Ness."

I shake my head persistently.
"It's not you." I splutter "it's the painting."
I gesture feebly towards it.
"Do you not like it?" Elphaba asks, blatantly confused.
"No that's not it." I take a deep breath and scrub at my eyes with the tissue again "out of all the people in this school, Dylan painted me, I was his inspiration, that's so beautiful." I whisper tearfully.
Elphaba steps around the desk and crouches beside me.
"It is Ness," she says sincerely "you must be really making a difference."
We both exchange pleasant smiles and I look at the time.
The school days almost over and for some inexplicable reason, I'm exhausted.
Boc is god knows where, but I know he'll come back before night fall so it's alright.
"Are you not tired?" I ask, hoping that it's not just me.

Elphaba shrugs,
"I suppose so," she says absently, "I've not really done a lot."
I shrug too, the conversation seems almost bland like there's nothing left to say.
"I taught a class today." I comment "a student mentioned that they had a pet rabbit and that kind of derailed the lesson."
Elphaba chuckles, we both breathe heavily, I really don't know what to say anymore.
Elphaba taps her hand on my desk, I watch her closely.
"Does it get terribly repetitive?" Elphie asks "working here."
I pause suddenly then explode.
"Oh absolutely," I huff "everyday I practically do the same thing, but it's easier this way because I know what I'm doing."
Elphaba nods softly.
Another awkward pause.

"Did you ever know what you wanted to be?" Elphaba questions.
I shake my head duly.
"I've never known, I never gave it any thought since farther always told me that I was to be governor, I never dreamed of anything." I stop before I say anything else.
I hate talking about my father this way, especially after that unusual dream.
I've been avoiding sleep, only having around three hours of it per night, just in case I star to dream again.
I don't need anymore reminders of how horrible I was as a child.
"If it makes you feel any better, I still don't know what I want to do." Elphaba smiles emptily "though I'll never do it even if I do"

"Elphaba." I say suddenly, preparing to be the kind, supportive sister that I should have always been. "Oz has been cruel to you, they didn't care to understand you and I'm sorry for them because they will never get to know you the way that I do."
Without warning, Elphies flings herself forward and hugs me.
"I love you Ness," Elphaba whispers into my shoulder.
I cling tightly to her.
"And I'm sorry that I haven't always been supportive and kind to you and that I..." Elphaba suddenly gives me a shake and I stop talking.
"Where is all this coming from?" Elphaba cries. "Have I done something wrong?"
I want to tell her that I'm extremely sleep deprived but instead I just throw my hands around her again and exclaim:
"I just love being your sister!"

I cry for a while, contemplate going to sleep, then cry some more.
By the time Boc comes back my sister and I are a tearful wreak.
"What in the world" Boc exclaims.
Elphaba suddenly roars with laughter.
"You sounded just like my husband," she splutters, pointing wildly at Boc.
Boc looks confused.
"I don't know if that's a compliment or not." He says glancing at me and shrugging.
Elphaba quickly stands up and wipes away at her eyes.
"To be fair, neither do I." She says, she winks at Boc.
I'm glad that they are able to get on with each other, I'm unsure why they didn't.
Perhaps it was my fault.
But oh well, it was in the past.
"What's that?" Boc asks, pointing to the painting.
Elphaba smiles and gestures towards it.
"A student painted Nessa." She says calmly "she was very pleased."
I crack a subtle smile as Boc further examines the painting, he seems pleased, Elphaba seems pleased.
I'm very pleased.

Now that everyone is happy I've started to think more about Glinda.
I didn't give it much thought when I first found out as I was just a bit shocked.
I wonder if going to the emerald city is what she wanted, or if it's what she thought was for the best.
I'm used to being alone, for the most part.
Sometimes I prefer it.
Then sometimes I just force people away because I don't want to admit that I need them.
I hope Glindas okay.