confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

It's been a week, Elphaba came just like I asked her to.
She's brought me a bag of magic supplies, it's taken me all week to find the right spell, one that should stop my love for him forever.
Luckily for me, it's not a enchantment, so it will work on me and won't make me unwell for the millionth time.
This spell should be something that I have to take periodically to renew it's magical effects.
I've scanned the book for a week now.
Reading and rereading just to make sure that I've not made any mistakes.
Carefully, Elphaba places a satchel down in front of me, I stare down at my sling defeatedly and back up at her.
She quickly mutters an apology and undoes the ribbon around the bag.
"Where's Boc?" Elphaba asks cautiously, lowering her voice.
"I gave him a job." I reply guiltily "he's teaching a poetry class."
Elphaba widens her eyes.
"This cannot be good. Are you insane?" She cries.
"Possibly" I pause, then open the Halen to the page that I've bookmarked. "But I can't just send him away."
I'd feel too guilty, he's done nothing but help me and I must help him in return.
It's the honest, kind and honourable thing to do.
And I intended to always strive to do those things. 

"He has a house Ness, he's choosing to be here with you, he really likes you."
I breath heavily.
"And you think I'm not aware of that? please just help me with this."
Elphaba nods uncertainly, using my good arm, I carefully open my drawer and pull out a china teacup.
I place it shakily onto the table.
Next, I take out a small matching sugar bowl and sit it beside the teacup.
Both items have beautiful green vines painted on, they snake around the sides of the china and blossom into pink flowers at the ends.
Inside the sugar bowl, oddly enough, there's a lack of sugar but there is a small pair of silver tongs, seemingly for picking up the sugar cubes.

"Nessa are you going to tell me why you made me get all of this?" Elphaba questions, gesturing towards the bag.
I place a hand onto the desk, reaching out for my sisters, Elphaba takes my hand in hers.
"I don't want to get you involved," I reply flatly.
Elphaba gasps.
"Are you going to poison Boc?" She cries.
I shake my head rapidly at such a silly notion.
"I'm not a psychopath" I laugh "the potions for me."
Elphaba looks at me strangely.
"Your not going to poison yourself... right?"
I stare back, a bit amazed.
"Honestly Elphaba!" I let go of her hand and root around in the bag "now can we get started."
I begin to read out the instructions and Elphaba does as I say.

• Take sage and place it into your bowl
• Add a large helping of sugar
• Light a match and set the sage ablaze
• Whisper their name into the flames

Quietly, I whisper Bocs name, a tear rolls down my cheek.

• Pour sunflower oil into the flames to extinguish them
• Allow the sweeteners to form

I watch as small heart shaped cubes of sugar form in the sugar bowl, I look at them excitedly.
As happy as I am that this has worked I also pray to whatever is out there that Boc never finds out.
"I'm assuming the ominous hearts means that it's worked?" Elphaba says rather dryly.
I splutter slightly,
"You've dome far more ominous things with magic than I have!" I jest "anyway it's done now, can you pour me a cup of tea? The tea pot is boiled in the lounge."
Elphaba does as she's told and takes my cup into the lounge, she then returns with it filled with piping hot tea.
"If you can't move," Elphaba ponders "how did you boil the teapot?"
I smile at my sister lovingly.
"I made Boc boil it before he left, sister I may be immobile but I'm not stupid."

Carefully I crumble one of the heart shaped sugar cubes into my tea, for a second it turns an eerie black color.
It steams.
It bubbles.
The it changes back to a normal tea color, Elphaba looks at me uneasily.
"Nessa are you sure about this?" you haven't even told me what it does." She wails.
I nod my head and prepare for tears.
Shakily I lift my cup with one hand.
"Here goes nothing..." I mumble.
I lift the cup to my lips and take a long sip.
I swallow it down.
I don't feel much different.
As if by some horrible coincidence, the office door opens.
Boc walks in, a large smile spread across his face, he stops when he sees Elphaba.
"I didn't know you were coming," he says, unusually merry.
Elphaba looks at me and shrugs.
"Nessa wanted to know how everyone was so I came over and let her know, I'll be going now." She replies, hurriedly grasping the Grimmere in her hands and heading into the lounge.

Boc shuts the door to my office and sits down in front of me, I hold my breath and wait for something terrible to happen as soon as I see him.
I anticipate the worst.
And I feel...
Nothing.
Recently I've been getting this terribly giddy feeling every time he's been in the room with me, like butterflies and fireworks but now there's none of that.
I miss it, but it's worth it.
He won't get hurt anymore, I won't hurt him.
"How was the class?" I ramble,
Boc grins again.
"They were amazing" he cheers "such brilliant minds, how they listened and learned."
I force a smile back, perhaps this ain't the best idea.
No.
I can't have feelings for him.
Love is dangerous and I can't fall into it again.
I don't agree with love, love had smothered and pulled and stolen and abandoned me in the past.
I don't want anything to do with it now.