confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

Elphaba won't stop staring at me, I feel she can see right through the blanket and at my tattered dress and uncomfortable bandage.
"I'm fine Elphaba." I whisper unconvincingly.
My sister leans towards me, sighing deeply.
"Nessa why did you do it?" My sister asks, her voice cracking into a quiet sob.
There it is.
The one question I didn't want to be asked.
"Elphaba that's none of your business." I snap coldly, I have no room for kindness when I'm being asking horrible questions.
"Nessa please I just want an answer." My sister whimpers.
I avoid eye contact with her, afraid that her sadness will make me weak.

"Leave me alone." I mumble dryly, I'm struggling to maintain my temper.
My sister leans closer, her frantic breath upon my face.
"Ness just tell me, I can take it, whatever it is."
"Would you just give it a rest!" I shriek.
Ornaments begin to rattle and furniture shakes.
The small chandelier in the ceiling swings in accordance with my distain.
Elphaba seems stunned for a moment but she quickly stands up and takes a step back from me.
"I'm sorry." Elphaba whispers "I'll go and get Boc."
I'm filled with rage once again and proceed to shout after her as she exits the room.
"I don't want Boc, I want to be left alone!" I shriek.

Moments later Boc appears, he seems less angry than before.
Smiling calmly and seemingly at peace with me, he walks towards the bed.
"Hi." I mutter.
I don't want to speak, but I love him and I have to let him know that I'm not a bad person.
He opens his mouth to speak but no sound comes out, he moves closer and hastily parks himself upon a chair.
"You look well." He mumbles foolishly, for some reason he's blushing "you look beautiful."
I turn my head away at this, I don't want to be sweet-talked right now.
"Boc please don't be sweet." I whisper sadly "I can't handle sweet."

Awkwardly, Boc clears his throat and starts to breathe slower.
"Nessa are you okay?"
It's a stupid question because the answer is obvious.
I'm not okay.
I'm the furthest thing from okay.
After an awkward silence, Boc extends his hand out towards the side of the bed and rests it upon the mattress.
I stare at it, dumbfounded, and without speaking I place my hand into his.
Bocs fingers curl gently around mind, encasing my hand with a gentle reassurance.
"I'm tired." I whisper, feeling strangely unafraid to tell him what I'm thinking.
It's the first time I've done this since that day and it's quite freeing.

Boc seems to be delighted, though all I've told him is that I'm tired.
Tired is an understatement, I'm exhausted.
"Would you like me to close the curtains so you can sleep?" Boc asks hesitantly, I think he's afraid that I'm going to shout at him.
"It's fine." I reply, considering the implications of sleep. "I've only just woken up."
Boc nods, a brief wave of uncertain silence washes over me before Boc speaks again.
"Can I get you a drink?" He asks, I think he's desperate to do something for me."
I shake my head and force a gentle smile at him as I begin noticing how warm his hand is.
"I don't think I need anything Boc."
He seems content with my answer and he continued to smile gently at me.
"You'll let me know if you do?" Boc calls.
I nod my head, far too tired to speak anymore.
I can feel my eyelids becoming more weighted by the second as I long fo fall asleep.

The tightness around my bandage has worn off a bit though I still feel rather stiff.
My limbs all feel like they haven't moved in years, though for some that is rather true.
If I remember correctly, the bandage gets changed every three days until it's deemed that my incision has healed enough that I don't need one.
I should get out of bed in a week, I've been envisioning myself say in an armchair for the longest time, I'm too afraid to get into my chair because that would imply that I was going anywhere and I don't wish to leave this room until I have to.
I'm going to have to meet with the leaders of Oz, because there's no way I can rule without having them all sat together at least once.

I still feel incredibly exhausted.
Having closed my eyes I notice how silent everything is compared to my heavy breathing.
Everyone seems to be scared to make noise around me as if I'm going to find it insulting.
"Nessa." Boc whispers at last, finally breaking the silence "I'm glad that you're here."
I sigh unexpectedly loudly and open my eyes in shock at my own volume and lack of subtlety.
"Are are alright?" Boc cries as a bout of anxiety is suddenly brought on.
Starring at him for few seconds suddenly clues me in on what I'm supposed to be doing; reassuring him that I'm fine.

"Yes." I reply, smiling and nodding slowly, "yes I'm quite alright."
"You scared me Nessarose."
He looks exhausted, everyone looks exhausted.
I know why.
One person comes in at a time to watch me whilst everyone else is supposed to be going back to normal and having a rest, except no one is doing that, they're all on edge and exhausted and it's all my fault.
"Who's in next?" I ask gently, attempting some form of normalcy from this conversation.
Boc thinks to himself for a moment, staring at the door as if the answer would walk through it, much to his dismay, it doesn't and he's forced to verbally answer.
"I think it's supposed to be Glinda." Boc replies merrily, as if he didn't just take a very long and contemplative pause "though your sister said that she may join her."
I nod and smile.