confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

"Nessarose." Someone calls.
I don't look up, we're all downstairs and I'm rather invested in my fathers journal, I have it on my lap, I'm unsure if anyone but my sister knows what I'm reading.
"Glinda you really must speak to the publishers of Oz." Fiyero grumbles, he ruffles about a newspaper "this stuff is unbelievably boring."
I hear Glinda sigh.
"Madame Morrible was press secretary. We all know how that went." My sister responds.
"Nessarose!" The same persistent voice.
This time I look up, my mother is crouched in front of me.
She's smiling delicately, I've always thought my mother was so beautiful, the few pictures I was shown of her as a child made me fawn over her.
"What are you reading?" Mother questions.
Someone puts there hand on my shoulder, I'm assuming it's my sister since other than my mother, Elphabas the only one within reach.
"A book." I reply bluntly, "a book from father.
Mother looks towards Albert.
"Oh, Frex. Poor dear." She whispers.
I've not really given it much thought, but mother seems to have completely forgotten that Frex was the love of her life.
Though I don't know much about their relationship.
This journal is mostly about me and Elphaba, most of it seems to be notes taken on my development.
I'm assuming they were meant for a doctor to read.

"Is it a book that he gave you?" Albert inquires, I don't see what business it is of his.
"No, it's one he wrote."
"Frex kept a diary?" Glinda asks from the other side of the room.
"Apparently so." I answer.
Mother crosses her legs and looks up at me lovingly.
"I'm finding it hard to feel sympathy for your father." Mother comments, I can almost hear Elphaba hold her breath "the way that he treated you and your sister."
This conversation is making me unnecessarily angry, no one but my sister knows about me meeting fathers ghost in my dreams and about all the things he showed me.
I don't have much hate for him anymore.
"He wasn't some horrible dictator all the time." Elphaba says, jumping to his defence on my behalf.
She's right he wasn't one all the time, it was me that became the ruthless dictator.

I continue to read, getting more and more interested by the minute.
Then I read something odd.
"I have a middle name?" I gasp, I'm unsure why it surprises me so much but I'm twenty years old and I've never known.
"you didn't know?" Elphaba asks, "does it say that I picked it?"
I continue to read, I shake my head in response to my sister.
"Course it doesn't." She mumbles.
"Would you mind telling me what it is?" Mother grumbles, I'd forgotten she was sat by my feet.
"It's your name." I whisper " Nessarose Melena Thropp. That's my full name."
Mother smiles to herself.

"Anything else interesting in there?" Albert prys, he's been irritating me lately.
I'm not sure why but I don't like how protective he's been acting.
"Boc." I say suddenly "We need to be back at Shiz for Monday."
I'm lying, I have time off till Wednesday but I don't want to be here anymore.
"Nessarose."
I don't look up from fathers diary.
"Nessarose."
Elphaba taps me, trying to make me look up.
"What?" I scowl, still not peeling my eyes away from the book.
"Perhaps if you stopped reading then you'd know 'what'"
I know who said that, Alberts whiny voice is very distinctive.
This time I do look up, Glinda is stood by me, a glimmering green bookmark in her hands.
"Oh," I mumble, slowly taking it from her, "thank you."
Glinda nods politely and inexplicably leaves the room.
"Now you can pause your reading." Albert says.

Angrily I push the bookmark into the spine of the book and shut it violently.
I leave it upon my lap and ferociously push myself towards the door.
"Nessa?" Elphaba calls, marching over to meet me, by the time she has I'm already in the hallway.
Elphaba strides over to the front of my chair and I stop in my tracks.
"Nessa what's wrong?"
"Why is your father being like that? What's so wrong about reading Fathers diary." I question before even bothering to answer any of my sisters query's.
"I can have a word with him If you'd like." Elphie suggests.
I shrug my shoulders.
"No don't, don't make him feel bad, it's fine I can get over it."

"I'm going back to Shiz, to focus on my work." I grumble forcefully.
Elphaba laughs to herself.
"What? What's so funny?" I bark, I'm not in the mood for this.
"Nessa you always do this, you go back to Shiz and completely disappear from my life for weeks." Elphaba sounds horribly tearful.
"Elphaba we're adults, I'm not shutting you out, come and visit I don't care but with the amount of time I've been missing of work they are going to give away my job!"
Elphaba looks stunned, I'm just so angry for no reason today.
Perhaps I shouldn't have read fathers journal.
I watch my sister take a deep breath.
"I'll go and get your things." Elphaba whispers sorrowfully.
She dashes off upstairs and I'm left alone in the hallway.

For a short while, I'm enjoying the silence until a pair of heels tap their way towards me.
"Give it to me." Glinda demands stretching her hand out "that book, give it to me."
I'm slightly surprised by the unwarranted anger in Glindas voice that for a second, I forget that Frex's diary is still on my lap.
"But Glinda..."
"It's just going to make you miserable!" She cries and with one swift hand movement, she scoops up the book and takes a couple steps back.
Ferociously, I push myself forward.
"Glinda what are you doing?" I croak. "I wasn't finished."
Glinda folds her arms, encasing the book within her hands.
A thought crosses my mind.
"Did Elphaba make you do that? Is she too scared to take it herself, wouldn't be the first book she's stolen from me." I bark, suddenly overcome with protective anger.

At once my sister rushes down the stairs clutching a bag of my belonging and Boc appears in the hallway.
"Are you okay Nessarose?" Boc asks calmly but I can tell he's on edge.
"Yes I'm fine, we're fine. Right Glinda?" I arch my brow towards her, Glinda smiles but still doesn't give me back my fathers journal.
"Nessa your stuff is..." Elphaba holds the bag out towards me but instead of me being able to get it, Boc rushes forward and takes it from her.
I feel so defensive.