confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

My nurse smiles at me cheerfully, and I bask in the silence of the room.
Marigold has a very round, jolly face with big care worn eyes and a sweet, caring smile.
She seems to want to talk but I'm utterly exhausted and can't bare the thought.
"You've made quite a name for yourself Ma'am." Marigold witters, the use of ma'am startling me slightly.
"Probably because all the doctors think I'm going to place a curse on them." I huff stubbornly but even with my sharp tone, Marigold remains cheerfully beaming at me.
"I'm sure it's not that ma'am," she replies "they're all competing to cure you."
"Of which ailment?" I respond sarcastically, rolling my eyes and expelling a deep sigh.

Marigold gets up from her chair in the corner and toddles briskly towards the old chair beside me, she sits herself down on the leathery chair next to me and let's out her own sigh.
"I'm guessing you don't like me much Miss Nessarose?" My nurse questions. "We're going to be seeing a lot of eachother."
"I'm sorry." I reply sincerely "I'm just very tired, I'm not trying to be rude."
Marigold places a gentle hand on top of mine.
"Have you always been this stubborn Miss Nessarose?" Marigold chuckles.
I huff and close my eyes.
"Yes." I reply defeatedly "yes I have."
There's a long period of silence where I sense marigold wanting to speak but thinking better of it.
"Have you always been this sad?" Marigold asks hesitantly.
"No," i reply hastily, stuttering terribly "I'm not sad, I'm not sad at all."
"Your a terrible liar." Marigold whispers chirpily, I chuckle emptily.

The old woman leans back in her chair and takes a deep breath.
"You were a rather cheerful girl in your youth, what happened?" Marigold smiles at me.
I sigh sadly.
"I grew up." I reply Solemnly "I'm sorry I'm not better company."
"You've had a heart attack and had had our entire staff of doctors poking around you, I think I'll give you a break."
The realisation of quite how obscure my circumstance is hits me like a brick and I laugh meekly for a few seconds before tilting my head towards my nurse.
"Are you feeling alright Ma'am?" My nurse queries.
"Yes actually, all things considered." I reply bluntly.

I close my eyes and relish in the comfort of having my family away from me, I don't hate them, I just don't want them to see me like this.
I look a state, I am a state, and there's not much I can do about it.
"I should be replenishing your fluids in about twenty minutes." Marigold mutters suddenly.
"How long should I be staying on them for?" I ask curiously, I've made it a goal of mine now go try and not be so nasty to this old woman.
Marigold ponders my question for a moment before answering.
"I'm supposed to take you off of it tomorrow for an hour to see if your ready to come off of it entirely." She replies "though the fluids aren't helping your heart to get better, it's just stopping you from feeling quite so unwell."

I sigh deeply and continue to ignore the immense presser building up around the needle in my hand.
"Though in my opinion your not ready to leave the drip quite so soon but these doctors will take no notice from an old bird like me."
I chuckle slightly at Marigolds harsh response.
"I must warn you." I say suddenly "if my sister visits or when Boc returns they will probably be quite impatient with you, I'm sorry in advance."
"That's quite alright Miss Nessarose." My nurse chuckles, placing her hand onto my shoulder. "They have every right to be impatient, you've been left medically absent for far too long."
Marigold tells me how she thinks my heart started to deteriorate from as young as twelve and that it's been slowly getting worse as I've gotten older and after she finishes with that she changes my drip.

Tears prick at my eyes from the sharp sting of the needle, but I try not to make a sound.
"I'm hoping that you should be rid of the drip by tomorrow," marigold remarks "wouldn't that be remarkable, you'd feel significantly better in yourself."
"I'm hoping to be home by the end of the week." I mumble and yet again my nurses had returns to my shoulder, I sigh as I know bad news is afoot.
"Dear, I think you should take it one day at a time, just hope that your heart is strong enough to last each day." Marigold sighs, scaring me greatly.
"But I'm stable right?" I cry "that's what all the doctors have been telling me."
Marigold nods gently and sighs as she does so.
"Yes love your stable, sorry for scaring you so, I just don't want you to get your hopes up because anything could happen."

"I understand." I reply solemnly, tilting my head towards the door."Boc should be back soon, hopefully he's brought me a change of clothes because I'd love to wear something fresh."
Marigold looks gently towards me.
"Do you need aid?" She asks softly.
"How do you mean?" I ask, dumbly misunderstanding the context of the question.
"In order to get dressed, do you need my help, lovie?" Marigold asks me sweetly, "sorry for not knowing more Ma'am but I've never worked with someone like you before."
"Yes." I reply through gritted teeth "I require dressing aid."

I close my eyes again, this time picturing my family in my head: Elphaba and Fiyero are stood loving cradling eachother and Boc and Glinda are chatting away, Mother and Albert are gazing fondly towards one another and I'm not there.
Why am I not there?
I'm part of the family and I'm the reason that everyone is always on edge and stressed all the time.
That must be why they all look so happy in my mind, because I'm not there to make it worse.