confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Elphie

I stare hopelessly at my sleeping sister and admire how peaceful she is and then my gaze shifts to the rest of the room, the anxious faces of her friends and family and the scattered paper that litters the floor.
"Wake her up" Boc mumbles forcefully after a painfully long period of silence.
"No no let her rest." My mother replies defeatedly.
"Melena," Albert snaps, silencing my mother "let the boy speak."
Boc clears his throat and walks over to where I'm sat on the floor beside Nessas bed, he sits down next to me.
"I'd like to wake Nessarose up." Boc repeats, this time far more formally.
I put my hand on his shoulder.

"What if when she wakes up she's in the state she was in before?" I whisper softly, Boc shakes his head angrily.
"She wasn't in a state!" He cries "she was scared, she's allowed to be scared, so many things have just happened to her!"
I feel incredibly guilty, the whole room seems to be looking down upon me now, Bocs remaining silent.
"Elphaba please wake her up, she didn't ask for you to do this."
Glinda clears the throat from the other side of the room.
"I think Bocs right." She announces "Nessarose needs her family with her."
I nod slowly.
"Can we give her another hour asleep?" I ask "her heart rate is so much calmer now and I think it would do her some good."
"I agree." My mother chirps "poor little Nessarose."

Listening to Nessas heartbeat has become somewhat hypnotic, is so perfect and syncopated with itself, it makes me happy to hear it healthy.
Something Nessa was never told as a child was that Frex actually had a large sum of money set aside for Ness's funeral, he was so convinced that she would die within her first year of life that he set aside a great portion of Munchkinland's money just so he could give Nessarose a proper funeral.
Of course when Nessa didn't die he didn't want her to find the money and ask what it was for as he struggled to lie to Nessa so he would spend it on things for her.
So instead of a funeral, Nessa received bountiful amounts of toys and games.

Everyone else but my mother left the room, Glinda couldn't stand the silence and Boc couldn't stand Nessa not being alert.
When she wakes up and finds him not here she'll be devastated.
"You know Elphaba." My mother mutters calmly, she's sat beside me on the floor in front of Nessas bed so both of our backs are leaned against it. "When you were a little girl you used to help me trim my rose bushes."
I was three when my mother died so I'm not sure what kind of help I must have been.
"I've always loved roses and I loved making them look beautiful with you." Mother continues "did you know that your sisters name means delicate rose?"
My mother pauses waiting for my response but I'm too lost in thought to answer.
"I suppose she lived up to her name" mother chuckles emptily to herself "Elphaba aren't you listening?"
"Yes mother." I snap suddenly, I instantly regret my tone towards my biggest supporter. "Sorry I'm not trying to be rude."

"It's okay my sweet" mother coos after a while "sometimes you act so grown up that I forget that you were once such a tiny thing." Mother smiles as she says this and I sigh through gritted teeth.
"If you hadn't have fallen ill to the milk flower." I whisper "would you have still loved me mother?"
She gasps at the moronic notion and I instantly feel dumb.
"I would have loved both of my daughters just as I intended to do all those years ago."
I smile and my mother wraps a comforting hand around my shoulders, I nestle into it and close my eyes, thinking deeply about all the recent changes that have come our way.
It's constant adaptions here, nothing permanent and it's scary.
I do feel terrible that Nessa now has to bare my powers but I just know that if she was born with them father would have loved her even more and the munchkins would have treated her as a deity.
I was green and people were disgusted, I was green and telepathic and people were terrified.
Despite my powers children would still taunt me and call me names and older munchkins would still give evil looks but I knew they only did it out of fear, they felt safe as long as they made me feel small.
Everyone loved Nessa, she was the centre of attention wether she wanted it or not, she had many names and so did I, but unlike the cruel, vile names that I was taunted with such as froggy, cabbage and freak, Nessa was nicknamed the miracle of munchkin land or more commonly known as the Rose of munchkin land.

I wasn't jealous, I always told myself that I wasn't, I told myself that I was lucky to be able to walk and to be able to go outside without a scarf without fear of catching a debilitating illness.
I told myself over and over and over again that I was not under any circumstances jealous of my sister but of course, it just simply wasn't true.
I would have done anything to be my sister.
As a child i always considered her life to be perfect, she was always taken care of and always had company, there was always someone about to dry her tears and if she was sock people always sent her well wishes.
Though now I'm older I truly realise how fortunate I am, I'm healthy and married and I haven't wished for death.
My poor sister is falling apart at the seems and there's not much I can do to help and it kills me every time I think about it.