confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Elphie

I came as fast as I could, Nessa told me it was important and I don't doubt her.
"Are you going to tell me then?" I struggle for breathe.
Apparently running, grabbing a heavy book, casting a spell from it and getting your bearings, substantially takes the wind out of you.
"I know him."
"Him?" I think I know who she's talking about, but I only know about the new teacher through Boc, so in theory I shouldn't know who she's talking about.
"Professor Herdidge, he went to my school." Nessa says, confining my suspicion.
"He studied at Shiz?" I ask, still mildly confused and disoriented.
Nessa shakes her head and taps her fingers against the wood on her desk, her nails make a satisfying drumming sound against the mahogany.
"No, the one Father took me out of." Nessa responds.
I still feel guilty about that.
"He remembered you?"
"Who doesn't." Nessa responds bluntly.
She makes a fair point.
"And what does that mean exactly?" I question, Nessa looks at me as if I should already know.
"He knows me and I don't like it." Nessa squirms in her skin "he's sweet and he acts unusual around me, I'm not used to compliments from strangers, but now I know he's not a stranger even though I barley know him!"

I can tell that my sister is getting progressively more agitated, as neither of us quite know what to do or how to help.
"Perhaps he wants to chat about it." I think carefully about how to word my next sentence "without being rude Ness, your like me. One of a kind, people are bound to have questions."
Nessa throws her head into her hands and lets out a loud, miserable groan.
"But if he knows me, remembers me. Then he knows who I am, what I did. Who I became. Elphaba I was a tyrant." My sister cries.
I wouldn't use that word, tyrant.
Though as much as I love her, she wasn't in the right state of mind back then, she was unwell, she's still unwell but now she's just taking it out on herself.
"Why does everything have to be so complicated? Why can't he just be a random teacher from Oz?"
"Ness just see what happens, your the headmistress, if you don't like him you don't have to employ him."
Ness nods, it's not the best advice I've ever given, but it's all I can think of.

"Elphaba, was I a nasty child?" Nessa asks, her voice growing shakily.
I place my hand upon her shoulder, she rapidly turns away from me.
"Why ever would you ask that?"
"Was I?" Nessa asks, her voice rising in pitch "why did people like me Elphaba, was it just because I fascinated them so?"
Perhaps.
"Well I'd say I was pretty fascinating to them, but no one ever liked me." I reply blandly, Nessa gazed at me sympathetically "Nessa you were quite the charmer."
Ness smiles but shakes her head sadly.
"I honestly can't stand being memorable, if I could go back to when we were young and change everything. I would."

I can't say that I wouldn't do the same, as much as I'm happy with the way things are, I'm not.
I rarely see my sister happy and though it would mean giving up Fiyero and Glinda, never knowing who my true father is and potentially never seeing my mother again, I'd give it all up if it meant that Nessarose would be happy.
"Ness, I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to be a hundred percent honest." I say after some deep contemplation.
Nessa nods, though her eyes tell me she's uncertain.
"Do you love Boc?"
Nessa pauses, she glares at me horribly.
"Get out." She snaps suddenly.
I take my hand off of her shoulder and take a step back.
"Nessa..."
"What? It's none of your business!" She cries, turning away from me. "Besides, it doesn't matter, I can't let myself be distracted by any of that nonsense."

Nonsense?
What on earth does she mean, she loves love, she's just scared of it.
"I don't want to be associated with any of those feelings, not when I have Shiz to look after."
She's blatantly lying now, she was almost exited when she thought that Herdidge was 'flirting' though I know she's equally as terrified.
I want my sister to end up with Boc, if she's going to be with anyone, it should be him.
I know she loves him, she just doesn't want to hurt anyone and Boc cares about her so much.
The good thing is, he only has eyes for her, he'd wait a thousand years if it meant they could be together, it's really quite beautiful.
"Boc is a lovely person." Nessa suddenly says, her face is unnervingly blank but her voice is melancholy and shaky "he deserves someone as lovely as he is and that's not me."
I march back over to be with my sister, she taps her fingers against her desk again.
"Nessa you have to learn to love yourself because sometimes people aren't there to do it for you." I whisper, she shrugs in response. "And I know it's hard when you really don't want to love yourself and your just wish you could go away and stop hurting but you have to understand that if you weren't lovely or wonderful, then Boc wouldn't care so much about you."
There's a long silent pause, Nessarose's eyes scan every inch of the room.
I watch as a tear rolls down my sisters cheek, soon it's followed by another, then another.
Until finally, great big sobs cascade down my sisters face.
"I'm not trying to influence anything. I don't care if you spend your life with Thomas Herdidge or with Boc. I don't even care if you choose not to give in to love. I just want you to be happy Ness, it's all I've ever wanted."