confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

This is all just so confusing, I don't understand any of it but I'm in a constant state of paranoia, terrified to fall asleep incase I don't wake up but I feel fine.
My eyelids begin to feel heavy when suddenly Boc rushes through the door, I immediately cheer up at the sight of him.
Noticing the angry look on his face and the irregular breathing he's exhibiting, I wait for him to speak first.
"Why aren't you reacting?" Boc mutters, barley making eye contact with me "why does the fact that you died barley seem to phase you?"
Boc pauses and leans his head against the wall, panting heavily for a few seconds before turning back to shout.
"I lost everything!" He barks "your my everything and you just died. Just like that!"
"I know." I mumble dryly, Doctor Tips words of stress echoing in my mind.
"I didn't know people could fall apart that fast!" Boc yells, raising his hands and gesturing wildly "but we did because we all care about you."
"I know." I whisper, trying so hard not to shout.
Boc slams his fist against the fall, the sound shaking the walls and rattling the doorframe.
"Why don't you care?" Boc screams.

"I do!" I cry, tears streaming down my face, I'm unable to contain myself "I'm just terrified!"
Boc cups my face in his hands.
"Terrified of what?"
"Of everything! I'm scared to breathe, every time I close my eyes I see my father waiting for me to die again" I sob loudly, shuddering violently, Boc cradles me in his arms to try and stop my shaking "Doctor Tip said that I'm just too damaged for her to do anything about it, I don't even know what that means."
Tears roll down Boc face.
"It means that Oz has failed you Nessarose" he whispers "I'm so sorry."
I don't want to hear him cry, he shouldn't be crying, I'm not dead.
"Boc don't cry, please." I whisper "it's okay, it's all okay."
He scrubs angrily at his eyes, desperate for the tears to go away.
"I love you Nessarose." He mutters "more than anyone else."

The door to my room creaks slightly as Glindas curly blonde hair appears around the doorway.
Her eyes are pink and tearful, she sniffs hastily and steps towards Boc and I slowly.
"Nessa, it's good to see you" Glinda hums, she has her hands behind her back and they are pressed tightly to her sides as she rocks back and forth on her feet.
"Glinda is everything okay?" I ask uneasily, im starting to get rather overwhelmed by all the people coming in and out, it suddenly occurs to me how tired I actually am.
"It's so good" Glinda mumbles, still rocking on her heels "so very good."
Without missing beat Glinda drops to the floor and begins to sob greatly, long drawn out crys fill the room, I struggle to see what's happening.
Boc places his hand on my shoulder to stop me from forcing myself up.
"Glinda!" I panic quietly, Boc turn his head towards her as she continues to cry.
"Glinda!" I bark, immediately she stands up and taps her way over to my bedside.
"I'm so sorry Nessarose," Glinda shudders "I missed you so much."
"Glinda look at me" I snap, as she wipes her eyes and stares sadly at me.

"Listen to me Glinda" I say calmly "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for giving everyone such a fright but I'm here now, I'm here and people aren't talking to me."
Glinda takes a deep breath and dives in to hug me.
"Careful of her!" Boc cries,
"Boc." I snap.
I can feel Glindas warmth all over my body and it feels so wonderful, I just feel so happy.
Like I could curl up and fall asleep and have the most wonderful dreams.
Carefully Glinda lays me back down and Boc examines me carefully.
I smile exasperatedly at him and he sighs deeply in response.
It's not an angry sigh, but it's the kind of sigh that you give someone you love all your energy.
I know that I hurt Boc so much but he won't hear it.
He doesn't want to admit that I'm a problem.

"Nessa," Glinda says suddenly, both Boc and I turn to her, she takes a deep breath "don't scare us like that again!"
I chuckle softly, longing to get out of bed and move about the house.
"I'll try not to," I turn to Boc "I promise, I won't leave you again."
He smiles softly as Glinda turns to exit the room,
"I'll be back soon." She trills merrily as she disappears into the hallway.
Boc sits back in an arm chair, I close my eyes for a few seconds and enjoy the peacefulness for a brief moment.
"Nessa!" Boc cries, I open my eyes suddenly.
Bocs white as a sheet.
"Boc what's the matter?" I cry.
He shudders and hangs his head.
"I thought you'd..." be stops speaking and refuses eye contact with me.
I feel terrible for him but it can't be helped.
"I was just resting my eyes, it's okay" I whisper, still slightly startled by his outburst.
I stare up at the ceiling for a while, trying not to blink for too long so I don't scare Boc but all my efforts to not scare Boc soon come to an end when the door opens.

My face goes blank and my eyes widen because before me steps my father.
"Nessa?" Boc cries "Nessa what's wrong?"
"I..." I mumble, my words falling out of my mouth.
My father steps towards me and I shake my head again, he gestures calmly to the open door leading out to the hallway, but there's no hallway, there's nothing.
"Nessarose!" Boc cries "please, please talk to me!"
My father looks towards the empty hallway again,
"I'm sorry Nessarose" he whispers, "though it's nice to meet again"
I shake my head again, the darkness filling the room.
Oh how I long to close my eyes.