confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

I couldn't feel worse.
I don't remember the last time I felt this bad and it's my fault, Doctor Tippetarius said that everything I'm feeling is because of stress or anxiety.
Perhaps I never had a cold at all, maybe it was all in my head.
That makes me sound crazy.
I loath having to be under constant observation until the Doctor returns next week.
I'm embarrassed, I hate being unwell since I can't do anything for myself.
Doctor Tippetarius made me feel so much worse, she pulled back my blankets and in full view of everyone examined my legs by lifting them up and watching them go limp.
Since the only known case of paralysis in Oz for centuries has been me, most doctors have been very curious.

"Nessa," Glinda calls from across the room, I peer over to her, completely distracted by the pounding of my head.
"What, sorry?"
Glinda smiles emptily and looks towards the adjacent door.
"Elphaba is bound to come back in at any moment." She announces presently.
I've always liked the way that Glinda speaks, so light and airy, it just makes bad news sound better.
As if by magic Elphaba strides hurriedly into the room, the Grimmere clutched protectively in her hands, she sets it down on a near by table and smiles at me.
"How are you feeling?" Shes been popping in and out for the past few hours, always asking the same question, that's usually met with the same silence.
I've had so many people come in and out since I'm not allowed to be left alone.

I long for sleep but alas sleep alludes me.
Every so often I'll begin to drift slightly but I'll usually be woken up by my head spinning violently or by someone not so subtlety leaving the room.
"Ness, Albert says he'll take over for Glinda when she needs a break."
I'm a bit offended by that, it's not nighttime there's no reason anyone would need a break from me.
I'm not that horrible to be around.
I hope.
"Nonsense," Glinda chuckles "I can stay in here all day unless Nessa doesn't want me, but if Albert wants to be alone then I won't stop him."
I glare at Elphaba who looks confused about my sudden anger.
To tell the truth I just don't want her to see me like this, but asking her to leave politely just doesn't cut it, I don't want to be sick, I just want to be working.
Everything's going crazy.
I brought my mother back alive, Boc is better than me at my own job and everything else on top.

A searing pain suddenly hits my side.
I cry out in pain, Elphaba and Glinda rush to me, one on either side of me.
Glinda takes my arm gently.
She stares at me as if she's going to cry.
Elphie opens her mouth to speak and starts to walk over towards me.
"Elphaba." I mutter regretfully "please leave, send in Albert if you'd like."
Elphies looks hurt but doesn't put up the fight I anticipated.
She sighs deeply and leaves the room, Glinda looks at me horrified.
I want to cry I'm being horrible but I just want to be left alone.
Suddenly Albert appears in the room closely followed by my Mother.
"Nessarose what happened?" He asks "why's Elphaba crying?"
Oh goodness, I didn't mean to upset her that much.
I'm starting to panic, it's like I can't breathe.
Another slashing pain in my side, once again I exclaim loudly, I sink down into pillow that's supposed to be keeping me upright.
Glinda squeezes my hand tighter.
I cling tenderly too it.

"Nessa," mother pipes up "did you have another fight with Elphaba?"
I don't answer, I can't think.
I don't know, I can't remember.
I watch Albert slide his arm lovingly around mother's shoulder, irritated, she pushes it off.
"Albert stop your flirting, my daughters sick." Mother snaps, walking away from him, towards my bed.
Me and Glinda share an awkward look.
"Why is everyone crowding in here?" I question, mildly dazed.
"Because we care about you." Mother replies, kneeling down and brushing my hair away from my face.
I'm twenty years old with the outward appearance of an eighteen year old.
And yet somehow I'm not the strangest thing in the room.
Alberts poorly timed attempt at flirting may be more strange than me.

A few minutes later, Glinda suggested that me and Elphaba have some time alone, I wasn't particularly happy with this idea but know how much id upset her.
I wanted to make amends.
She's sat on a chair next to my bed, holding my hand ever so gently.
Her palm is warm and comforting.
I decide to air my grievances.
"How did I let it get this bad?"
Elphaba leans towards me,
"What do you mean?"
I sigh deeply, preparing myself for inevitable tears.
"I knew I was struggling but I didn't truly let it all out, you and I have spoken but I'm never fully honest."
I pause irritatingly out of breath.
Elphie looks fondly at me with sad eyes.
I continue.
"Everything here is so strange, you and I can do magic and so can Glinda, why should I be unhappy?" I express solemnly, "I'm not sad because I'm disabled that has nothing to do with it." I add hurriedly.
Most people when they met me as a child pitied me because i wasn't like anyone else, and as a child I hated it.
But now as principle I couldn't care less about walking, I have the wonderful Harley to help me but things continue to make me deviate from my routine and it's throws me off balance.

"Nessa you know I'm here no matter what," Elphaba says "I've been reading about some charms we could make, just for fun. Me, you and Glinda, like a girls day, would you like that?"
I nod excitedly, the stop in my tracks.
"Is mother going to mind?"
"Well we'll just have to invite her then."