confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

It's just hit me how little time I spend in the classrooms of my staff, I took it upon myself to see how Professor Herdidge was settling into his room, he told me not to worry myself and that if he had any concerns he'd come to me but I insisted.
I know I can come off as fierce and cold to many people and since Thomas has never met me before, making a good first impression won't hurt.

He seems to have settled in quite nicely, the walls are a foggy blue though you would hardly notice, instead the walls are lined with extracts from poetry and large canvas paintings of lakes and mountains.
The desks are arranged in an odd manor, not our standard classroom layout but I'm sure Professor Herdidge has his reasoning.
Instead of the desks being in rows, Herdidge has them curved to create a semicircle shape at the front of the classroom.
He smiles at me as a travel around the room, taking in his unusual decor, on each desk a strange object is placed, ranging from statues to dice to small pieces of wood.
"It may look odd but I promise there's reasoning behind it." Herdidge comments, walking briskly towards me, he stops just beside me and awaits my response, still beaming as he does this.
"I'm in no position to criticise your teaching methods Mr Herdidge." I reply sharply "as long as they prove effective."
I know that I'm being ever so horrible, but I'm just scared of picking up the wrong signals, I thought Boc was in love with me for a two years and for those two years I made his life a misery.
I don't even know if I like Thomas like that, or at all.
He's just a nice person and who doesn't enjoy people being pleasant?

Thomas moves in front of me and yet again grins, I'm starting to get bored of his singular emotion.
"I know the room may seem chaotic but the idea is to inspire."
"I wasn't questioning it Mr Herdidge." I answer bluntly, I'm not in the right mindset to be friendly anymore.
Perhaps what I deemed flirting yesterday was just me being desperate and naive.
"Nessarose." Mr Herdidge begins.
"Thropp. It's Madame Thropp." I snap, I don't know why I'm being so malicious, I'm instantly regretting it.
"Don't be like that, I know you better than Madame" Thomas says.
I raise an eyebrow.
"What on earth do you mean?" I cry, perplexed "I met you yesterday, you hardly know me at all."
Herdidge laughs loudly.
I scowl, unsure of what's happening.
"I've known you far longer than you care to remember, we went to school together."
I freeze, I'm so confused, school? With him.
"You were only there for a year." He begins "I heard there was an incident and you didn't return."
He must be talking about my first school, the one that Elphaba got me removed from.
Though I don't blame her for that, not anymore.

"You went to Coughbern Academy?" I exclaim, Thomas nods excitedly.
"Yes, yes!" He cheers "My mother, god rest her soul, was so ecstatic when she discovered I was in the same class as the governor's daughter."
I listen attentively, though his mother only mentioned one of us, Elphaba was in my class too.
"You never noticed me." Thomas mumbles sadly "you rarely noticed anyone but everyone noticed you, people fought to sit beside you in lessons and accompany you to your classes."
I sigh deeply and shrug my shoulders.
"All unwanted attention mind you." I add "I never asked to be followed around like a goose with her goslings." I find the analogy quite amusing, so does Thomas who points to a painting on the rear wall of the his classroom.
The painting is of a pond and in the corner a family of geese are sat.
"A beautiful comparison, it would make a great poem." He mumbles obscurely.

A sudden thought crosses my mind.
"Is that why you applied for the job? Because of me?"
Thomas shakes his head profusely.
"I had no idea, I hadn't even registered the Thropp name properly but when I saw you I knew it had to be you, it was unmistakable."
"The chair?"
"Your eyes. Your eyes are so striking. Green and piercing, they are so angry yet so kind." Thomas says poetically, though I suppose it's fitting for his occupation.
"So what was the point of you telling me all of this?" I question, genuinely curious now.
Thomas clears his throat.
"I just thought I was interesting, now if you don't mind Madame Thropp, I have a class coming in five minutes and you may want to leave to I can prepare."

I left Herdidge's classroom half an hour ago, I'm back in my office now rethinking the conversation.
I am thoroughly confused, nothing makes sense anymore, just as I'm beginning to understand everything.
Perhaps he is just friendly, there's no way he found me attractive, there's no way he finds me attractive.
Boc is the only person foolish enough to do that and I'm just so scared of what that means for me and for him that I won't even allow myself to consider Boc and I.
Though I feel ever so mean that I don't remember Herdidge at all, though my memory of my first school is slim, I remember my sister embarrassing me, teachers rushing to aid me from the floor and Elphaba crying and crying and saying that it wasn't her fault and that she didn't understand what happened.
I never went to school again, that was until shiz.
I wish I'd never had gone to Shiz, it's my fault that my sister met Madame Morrible in the first place and-
Why am I even thinking about her? Nothing here has anything to do with her anymore.
No, now it's all to do with me, and that scares me so much more.