confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Elphie

"She tried to kill herself Elphaba!" Boc sobs, staring at the door to Nessas room as his lip begins to quiver "she did that to herself."
"Boc..." Glinda mumbles in a feeble attempt to stop him from speaking.
"We weren't there!" Boc cries "none of us were with her."
I can't bare to listen to him reprimand me about my own sister.
"Why won't you say something Elphaba?!" Boc cries.
"Stop speaking of my daughter!" Mother suddenly shrieks, she begins to sob and I grapple ahold of her shoulders as she viciously points towards Boc.
"Don't talk about either of my children!" Mother cries, "you say you love Nessarose and yet you didn't stop her trying to end her life."
"I didn't know." Boc snaps in response , "none of us could have predicted what would happen."
Mother turns to me, her eyes are blazing.
"Stupid boy," she curses underneath her breath, "stupid, stupid boy, thinks he knows my lovely Nessarose."
I don't try to remind my mother that Boc has technically known Nessarose for far longer.

There's a horrible silence that fills the room, Boc and my mother continue to scowl at eachother.
Marigold looks towards me and places her head in her hands, she just seems so defeated and it's making me rather heartbroken.
The door to Nessas room suddenly opens and doctor tip sticks her head through, her eyes lock onto me like a missile.
"Her Eminence won't talk to me unless you're in the room." Tip mutters shamefully.
I nod, though I'm surprised my sister wants anything to do with me.
If I was in Nessas position, i wouldn't want anything to do with me.

Upon reentering my sisters room I notice how much paler she looks.
Tip whispers to me that she's going to leave for a few minutes and I'm left alone with my sister.
The whole room feels melancholy and a great feeling of sadness is radiation from my sister.
"Nessa-"
"What?" My sisters dryly cuts me off and she winces with the pain, the gash looked deep and I'm actually surprised she isn't in any more pain than she already is.
"Why won't you talk to doctor Tip?" I question, risking my sisters resentment.
"I'm just not in the mood to play twenty questions, Elphaba." Nessa replies tiredly, she traces a limp hand over the blanket that covers her, my throat placement of the fingers I can only assume that she is running her fingers along her bandage.
"How come you wanted me in here?" I ask bluntly, curiosity stopping me from being subtle.
My sister sighs and looks around herself.

"I needed someone who wasn't crying" Nessa murmurs "god I'm in pain."
The casual tone to her voice sends shivers down her spine, it feels as though she doesn't even care that she tried to kill herself.
"I don't understand how Tip is here when I instructed her to leave." Nessa mentions angrily, "I don't need her to question me."
I grit my teeth, knowing it was supposed to be my job to calm Nessa down so she'll talk to Tip.
I'm failing miserably at it.
Nessa has begun to look extremely uncomfortable, her eyes are glassy and her mouth is downturned sadly.
"Nessa, do you feel sick again?" I question anxiously.
She remains silent for a few seconds, breathing deeply and sighing.
"No." She mumbles at last as doctor Tip returns.
I see panic flood my sisters eyes like never before.

"Ma'am," Doctor Tip mumbles, sitting beside my sisters bed, Nessarose refuses eye contact with her and stares purposefully at the ceiling.
"How's your pain?" Tip asks calmly.
Nessa doesn't speak, her eyes glisten with tears that she refuses to cry.
"Do you still feel nauseous?" Tip continues, still being ignored. "Are you cold?"
"Stop it." Nessarose snaps "would you just leave me alone!"
Nessa breathes heavily and tears roll down her cheeks, slowly spreading a river down her face.
"I need to check if you're alright." Doctor tip states, composing herself.
Nessa takes a deep, angry breath.
"You stopped me from bleeding out, what more could you possibly want from me?" Nessa seethes.
Noticing that asking Nessa questions isn't going to get her anywhere, Tip throws off Nessas blanket, exposing the torn dress and bandage.
Nessa gasps at the sudden rush of cold air but refuses to make a comment.

Tip places a steady hand on Nessas bandage and I wince as my sister writhes in pain.
"Stop that at once!" My sister gasps, her face contorted with sudden pain.
Tip pulls her hands away carefully, she watches as my sister struggles to remain poised.
I long to march over there and talk to Nessarose myself, but I don't want to stop Tip from getting her work done.
"Is there anything I can do for you, ma'am?" Tip asks gently.
Nessarose looks her straight in the eyes for the first time this evening and mutters coldly.
"Finish the job."
Tip breaks eye contact with my sister instantly, in order not to show her the misery on her face.
"Ma'am." Tip mumbles, lost for words to say, "I'm sorry, I should have waited before coming to talk to you so soon."
Nessa sighs and closes her eyes.
"I'll come back later, send for me if your pain increases."
Tip stand up and scurries toward me, she whispers to me harshly.
"Do not leave your sister alone." She mutters, "don't let her think that no one cares."
Then Tip leaves.

I can't bring myself to talk to my sister after she just told doctor Tip to 'finish the job'
I can't bare to think what is going on in my sisters mind right now.
Nessa folds her arms and I notice the goosebumps coating her.
Carefully I replace the blanket over her, covering the bloodstained sheets.
I feel like I'm concealing a crime.
Though I feel I'm guilty.
I feel that Rebecca is guilty, she brought Nessarose that dagger.
And then she left her alone with it.