confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Elphie

I stare at myself in the mirror, something I only do when I'm excruciatingly bored.
For I have seen all that I need to, I'm green, I get it, I got it.
I used to spend a lot of time as a child, pondering how I'd look with a 'normal' complexion and when I got bored of that I imagined myself as different vibrant colours: pink, blue, yellow, mauve.
Of all the colours in Oz and Alberts favourite had to be the colour of cabbage.
Though I suppose I'm glad I stayed green, I mean I'm just happy that I didn't wake up a new colour each day, that would have been far more perplexing.

Upon looking at my reflection I've come to notice how little I know what I look like without a mirror, I know I'm green, but I couldn't tell anyone what my eyes look like.
I know that my hair is long, black and horrendously unmanageable.
As a child I longed for Nessas luscious brunette locks, they never matted and that were always so silky and smooth, I loved doing her hair as a child and she seemed to enjoy having her hair braided by me.
I'm fact, I could tell anyone what my sister looks like, or even what she looked like as a child.
I just know, I've always known.
She isn't the spitting image of our mother anymore, when she reached the age of fourteen she developed her own features though she was still breathtakingly beautiful.
She always has been and fortunately for her, since she doesn't seem to have aged since eighteen, so she will always will be beautiful.

I never imagined myself growing old with my sister, I always assumed she'd leave me or find someone who looked after her better that I could and that would be that, she's cast me out into the night and I'd never see her again.
But instead I was the one who left her, and now she's growing up and doing her own things without me.
No wonder Professor Herdidge remembers her after all those years, she's always been wonderfully head strong.
She's always been wonderful.
I haven't.
I was born from an affair, I'm the reason Frexpar accidentally poisoned my mother, the reason Nessa has always hated herself.

As I'm about to internally recite a list of things I detest about myself, a hand falls onto my shoulder.
I spin myself around almost immediately.
Glindas kind, concerned face stares back at me.
"Oh Elphie, you've been crying?" Glinda whispers daintily.
I shake my head, though the unconcealed tears on my cheeks say otherwise.
I stare back into the mirror and Glinda does the same, she's always looked so gorgeous.
It's so awful to always be the ugly one.
Glinda is wearing yet another green, rhinestoned dress.
Not a gown this time but more of a summer dress, it only goes down to her knees and misses her shoulders, whilst still having a full sleeve.
She looks amazing but I'm sure she's revived plenty of compliments.
It's odd how the colour green is so celebrated in Oz and yet actually being the colour means you receive anything but celebration.

Actually, that's not true, there was a large celebration throughout all of Oz when they believed that I was dead.
And that definitely had something to do with me being green.
"Elphaba, what's wrong?" Glinda asks, using the same soft tone.
I shrug my shoulders but answer her anyway.
"I'm just reminiscing." I mumble "that's all."
Glinda puts her arm around me, she smiles gently.
"If it wasn't for how settled down your sisters gotten." Glinda says sincerely "then I'd suggest that we all run away and live our lives happily."
I smile at the idea, I'd love that, I'd love that so much.
But I couldn't uproot my sister again, nor would I expect her to want to leave.
It would be amazing, all of us together: Glinda, Boc, Fiyero, Albert, mother, Nessa and I.
All of us finally happy, we'd have forever to work out our differences and then forever to be merry.

"Yeah." Glinda whispers, seeing my tearful expression "id like it too."
She grins for a second, before a tear runs down her cheek.
"But we couldn't, I have to stay with the Ozians and your sister adores her job and she's so good at it."
"You don't owe Oz anything." I reply sharply "your not their mother."
"Ah but that view me as such, and who am I to be selfish when I'd devastate so many people." Glinda whispers honourably.
"You deserve a life too Glinda."
She looks directly into my eyes, somehow hers being filled with tears doesn't make them any less jewel-like.
"I know." She mumbles sadly "but it's not your job to give me one."

I understand that it's not but it doesn't make me any less determined to give her one, I have this awful need to help people and make everything better.
Though I seldom do that, it usually ends up taking a turn for the worse, though I always have the best intentions.
Most of the time.
"Elphaba." Glinda whispers suddenly "do you think you need to spend some time at Shiz with your sister?"
I looks Glinda deeply in the eyes.
"Id love to do that, you know I would" I splutter "but Nessa would hate it, you know how quickly she grown tired of me and I don't want to be a distraction from her work."
Glinda taps me lightly on the shoulder.
"What rubbish!" She exclaims "I'll go and speak to your sister, convince her that you should stay for a few days and then well... you can." Glinda holds her hands out towards me, graciously I take them in my own.
"Thank you Glinda, I really appreciate this."
She grins back at me.
"That's What Glinda the Good is here for she chuckles softly, though there's a hint of sadness in her voice.
"I'm so lucky to be your friend, Glinda."