confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

Doctor Tip sits on my bed and glances at me sympathetically, she places her briefcase beside her and rests her handbag on her lap.
I feel so much calmer now I don't need to hold the door shut anymore.
"I just shouted at your sister Dr Tip mentions, "didn't you tell her that I was comin?"
I shrug my shoulders glumly.
"I felt it would be best if I didn't worry her."
"Oh please!" Dr Tip laughs "your family is always worried about you."
I smile sadly.
"Anyways Miss Nessarose, what can I help you with?"
I don't know where to start, I can't tell her about the powers that I've just received but I can start to tell her about my mass amounts of exhaustion.
"I've been feeling ever so fatigued lately," I mumble.
Tip nods as she retrieves her stethoscope from within her leathery brown briefcase.

I push myself towards her slowly, in order to not make her get up off of the bed.
"I see you haven't stuck to your bed rest." Doctor Tip comments firmly.
I avoid eye contact with her and mumble my excuse.
"You just said to take it easy, nothing about bed rest."
Doctor tip clears her throat politely.
"Miss Nessarose, I fear that your overworking yourself, that is the main reason that your heart...that your heat stopped the first time." Doctor Tip's voice trembles.
"Doctor you must understand I've just endured twelve insufferable weeks in bed, I cannot take much more."
Doctor Tip looks at me strictly, before looking down her nose sadly, she taps her stethoscope against her finger and looks back over at me.
"I cannot begin to fathom what that must have been like for you miss a nessarose but in order for you to regain your stamina as close to normal as possible you should spend minimal time outside of your bed, at least until you feel considerably stronger."

I nod sadly, as Tip leans forward, stethoscope in her ears, as she presses it to my chest.
A look of concern spreads rapidly across her face as she swiftly pulls the stethoscope away and hastily shoves it back into her briefcase.
"Why Miss Nessarose!" Tip cries "your heart rate is terribly high."
I lean my head into my hands, willing myself not to cry.
"Explain something to me." Doctor Tip says uneasily.
I remove my from my hands and straighten my back, terrified of the question that I'm about to be asked.
"Why are you willing to risk the condition of your heart in order to stay out of bed?" Doctor Tip pauses and suddenly a look of horror encapsulates her face.
"You don't mean go tell me that you wanted to die?" Doctor tip gasps.
I keep silent.
"But Miss Nessarose you are so valued and loved!" Tip wails, "your more than your ailments, you know this."
I clear my throat.
"I did not inflict this pain upon myself." I croak "but I would reverse my revival if I could."

Upon hearing my words, Doctor tip lunges forward and hugs me tightly.
"Doctor tip!" I gasp uneasily "what are you-"
"Madame thropp, as my favourite patient, I command you to try to live, to try to be present for all of those who value you, because you were sorely missed."
Doctor tip releases me from her tight grasp and stares at me gloomily.
"If you didn't want to have bed rest, why did you call me?" She questions.
"I wanted to prepare myself incase I was dying." I croak "am I dying Tip?"
She clears her throat for a final time and stares at me calmly.
"Your not dying but your quality of life will soon go downhill If you do not take care of yourself soon.
I don't understand.
I was brought back to life, I now have my
Sisters horrendable gift inside of me and I still feel like this.
I give up, nothing will ever get better, I'm constantly getting unwell, I'm constantly miserable.
My life wasn't like this as a child, it can't have been, I'm sure it wasn't.
Perhaps it was and I've blocked it from my memory or perhaps my body has weakened with age.

Doctor tip is looking at me with such disappointment, I deserve it, I deserve every horrible look and every exasperated sigh, I feel those powers building up inside of me again, I attempt to contain the feeling but I can't seem to contain it.
"Madame Thropo, are you quite alright..." Tip enquires.
Just at the moment I feel my gift tear it's way out of my body, it rips through the room, knocking belongings off of cabinets and rattling the door.
Tip stares at me in horror.
"Miss...Miss Nessarose?"
She doesn't sound horrified, just concerned.
I slowly feel the exhausted begin to kick in.
"I don't feel good." I slur my words as I say them and limply fall forwards, immensely out of breath.
Doctor Tip jumps forward, placing warm hands on my shoulders, pushing me gently back into my chair.
I look around at the broken room feebly.
"Haven't you got to get going Doctor Tip?" I croak defeatedly, she stares at me in dismay.
"Are you asking me to leave Miss Nessarose?" Tip reply's calmly.
I clasp my hands together and lay them gently upon my lap.
"I think it's best if you go." I whisper.
Doctor tip nods and walks towards the door, I turn myself away from it and stare hopelessly out of the window.
"Please call if you feel any worse." Doctor tip commands before closing the door behind her.

I turn myself back around and look at all the mess I've caused.
Perhaps I'm the mess, my family is a lovely clean, organised room and I'm the mess.
I feel awful about telling Boc to leave, I feel awful about shouting, I feel awful about gaining these powers that are giving my family such grief.
I just feel awful.