confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

Upon returning from a delightful morning out with Fiyero, I come to find the manor is in shambles yet again.
Everyone is screaming at eachother but they all stop once Fiyero pushes me into the lounge.
Though I make a mental note of how hesitant Fiyero was to take me into the lounge at first, only choosing to do so when he realised that I was going to take myself in if he didn't and the sheer pain that would bring me just wouldn't be worth it.
I turn my head around to look at Fiyero, straining my neck in the process, and I catch a glimpse of his guilty expression.
He knows what everyone is fighting over.
Before I decide to break the silence, I carefully analyse the facial expressions in the room.
My mother and Albert are together on the sofa, both looks sternly at each other whisky attempting not to glance my way and make it seem obvious.
Glinda is sat alone, she seems tired and desperate, her head in her hands, also avoiding my line of sight.
In fact, the only people who aren't downright refusing eye contact, are my sister and Boc who look more anxious than anything else.

I've finally had enough with all this secrecy.
"I refuse to be kept in the dark any longer." I announce coldly "what on earth is all this inferno bickering about?"
No one speaks at first, angering me even more, but after a few more uncomfortable seconds of silence, Glinda cracks.
"Oz is a disaster!" She cries dramatically "it's in desperate need of a leader to restore the balance amongst the factions."
I'm terribly confused at this point, what in Oz is Glinda insinuating?
"Can you get to the point!"
I'm incredibly frustrated with any and all occupants of this room.
"Glinda thinks-" Boc begins,
"That it should be you." My sister interrupts "Glinda thinks you should take ownership of Oz."
I feel sick hearing those words, I don't want ownership of anything!
Let alone the entirety of Oz.
"Nessa..." Boc hesitates to move towards me, probably terrified that my powers could rip from my hands at any moment.

Boc finally stands up and rushes over to me, he places his hands upon mine, which I have seated cautiously on my lap, to prevent them from being hurt.
But even Bocs gentle touch proves to be too much as a deep surge of pain courses throughout my arms and into my shoulders.
I wince from the pain as an uncontrollable force escapes from within me, almost throwing Boc away from me.
There's loud gasps from around the room and a slightly startled Boc whispers a heart felt apology.
"Nessa did I hurt you?" He gasps.
"It's fine." I answer bluntly.
My sister ascends from her seat and marches over towards me.
"Nessa you don't have to do this." She whispers.
"I don't really have a choice do I?" I cry "you act as though Oz has a plan B, why you'd pick me to rule I haven't the foggiest idea but I have no choice!"

I want to leave the room, but Fiyeros still stood behind me and my arms are in no position to take me anywhere.
My rising anger continues to grow staring at my sisters desperate face.
She's making me so uncontrollably angry that I'm struggling to contain myself.
The angrier I get, the more likely my so-called gift is to act up, another one of the great things my sister has done for me.
They can't really expect me to rule Oz, like I know what I'm doing!
I've got to be the worst person for the job, they're just asking for someone to overthrow me.
"Nessarose?" My mother whispers, I look up at her face, her gentle, soft, worried face.
And for a moment I'm just a little girl who always longed to have her mother look at her like that.
"Mother I'm exhausted." I whisper "I think I should have the conversation in bed.
At once Fiyero whisks me out the door and down the hallway to my room, Elphaba follows behind, though she is the last person I want with me.
I want my mother, I just want my mother to be here with me for a moment.
Elphaba strategically moves my pillows so that when she places me into bed, I'll be sat up.
After I'm in bed, my sister takes a few steps back and smiles at me, I frown and take no notice of her.
I'm too angry to think at this current moment of time, Elphaba can see that and her and Fiyero leave me alone to think about everything that I've just been told.

I'm going to attempt to become the ruler of Oz, I don't have much of a choice in the matter, there's a reason that Glinda believes I can do it so there must be a valid reason.
I'm unsure as to how that works, as I know that currently there is no official ruler that I would have to overthrow so how I would end up with the title of Eminence of Oz is beyond me.
Though there must be a way that Glinda is aware of, or she wouldn't have even suggested it.
I'm not even sure I'm the right person for this, in fact I'm almost positive I'm not the right person.
I need my father here with me, he would set me straight, I know exactly what he'd tell me.
That I needed to do this because I deserve it, after every disadvantage I've received, this is Oz's gift back to me, my inheritance.
My father wouldn't let me give this up, it's the highest honour possible, everything he could have ever dreamed of for me.
But do I need to please him?
He belittled my sister and made her feel worthless, so why should I try to please him?
For every kind, honourable thing he did for me, he said a thousand horrible things to my sister.
I'm terribly conflicted.