confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

10:00.
I'm up, dressed and sat down behind my desk ready for the day.
Though, to my dismay, I'm exhausted.
It was good to see Harley, she seems rather refreshed after her holiday but eager to work.
Though a thought has plagued me since Boc left.
He did a better job than me.
It took me months to get comfortable in my job and he did it instantly, he was marvellous, beyond marvellous.
I should be happy that Shiz didn't fall apart without me, but I can't help but feel hurt that it didn't.
I'm not jealous of Boc, I'm disappointed in myself, I should be making such a difference that it feels off without me.
Instead Boc does a better job than me.
I knew I wasn't worthy of such an important position.
I can't call doctor Dillamomd and tell him, he's off enjoying his retirement.
I'm going to have to fix this in my own.
I'm going to have to fix me on my own.

There's a knock at my office door, shaking me from my thoughts.
"Enter," I command.
The door opens slowly and I fear that I may have sounded to stern.
The sweet, thin face of Professor Egihs pokes around the door.
She smiles at me and steps in, a noticeable thing about the way Professor Egihs walks, is that she seems to take large commanding strides.
"Ah! Madame Thropp," she smiles "we've missed you greatly, it's good to see you back."
I smile meekly, I'm still not completely used to Madame Thropp so it usually catches me off guard.
"Thank you, Professor Egihs" I reply calmly.
Professor Egihs grins widely, she steps further ingot my room and takes a seat on the chair before my desk.

"Oh please don't fuss with titles," she chuckles "just call me my name, there's not students."
I smile softly and look around the room, as if trying to find a pupil.
"I suppose your right Lucy,"
Professor Egihs grins at her name,
"My name is so boring compared to yours," Lucy beams "Nessarose it's just so unique."
I shake my head slowly,
"It's a nightmare to write."

Professor Egihs leans closer, she places her elbows on the edge of the desk and folds her arms together.
"How have you been?" She asks politely,
I smile awkwardly, not knowing what to say.
"I suppose I could have been worse, but I'm feeling a lot better now, I'm very exited to get back to work." I lie through gritted teeth.
I'm not exited, because I'll just mess it up.
Anxious, guilty, stressed: what I'm actually feeling.
Lucy folds her arms together tightly, though she looks rather relaxed, I've always feared that the guest chair in front of my desk was to uncomfortable.
Perhaps Lucy is uncomfortable, it would be horrible if she was.

I suddenly point towards my living room,
"Do you want to come and take a seat in there?" I sound unintentionally forceful.
Lucy, looks confused for a second, then seems to snap out of it and not excitedly.
She doesn't seem to move, so I push myself around my desk, towards my living room, Lucy follows eagerly behind.
"Sit anywhere," I mumble, hoping that she will choose the arm chair, to my delight, she does.
"Lucy," I mumble suddenly thinking of something to say, she tilts her interest towards me "why do you keep that picture of me up in your classroom?"
Professor Egihs smiles, she ponders for a few seconds, then leans forward excitedly.
I rest my hands upon my thighs, the soft satin of my dress, pleasant to the touch.
"Well" Lucy replies after a great potent of pondering "it's a lovely picture, of someone who's genuinely interested in music, an inspirational one."

Her answer, though sweet, is unhelpful to me.
But even I am not sure what I wanted her to say.
"Why do you ask?" Egihs questions.
I tug at the fabric of my dress, hoping to shake loose an answer.
I feel a bit unwell.
"I was just interested, it's an unusual thing to keep in a classroom." I reply hastily.
"Are you alright Madame Thropp, would you prefer me to come back later?"
Oh goodness, am I being rude?
I just keep messing things up.
Perhaps I'm just unpleasant to talk to and she's looking for an escape.
Lucy's concern grown on her face, she leans towards me, it takes me a while to realise that she has had her hand on my knee for quite some time.

I don't think some people quite register that I can't feel when they put their hands on my legs, I understand it's a comfort thing, but it's an awkward moment when they do realise.
"Miss Thropp?" Lucy calls.
Ubruptly, I'm jolted out of my head space.
"Sorry, if you want to leave feel free" I blurt "I know I'm not the best company."
Lucy, takes her hand away from my knee, she reclines back in her chair and looks drastically confused.
"I'm actually having a wonderful time," Professor Egihs grins "I just wanted to check if you were alright, I know we haven't properly spoken in a while."
I nod my head slowly, though I'm not quite taking everything she's saying in.
"What made you choose the piano?" Lucy enquires, drastically changing the subject.

I think for a moment, there's not really a sentimental reason.
"I suppose it was an instrument that I wouldn't look silly playing it sat down." I reply truthfully, Lucy nods though I'm sure she was hoping for an inspiring story of some description.
"And you?" I ask genuinely curious.
Lucky chuckles.
"I learnt all my instruments as a way to impress my family, I have three older brothers so I was the runt of the litter, but then it turned into a me thing and became my passion."

I take all of this I'm very carefully.
I'm not a particularly skilled person in any area, I learnt the piano as a hobby, a novelty really.
I've not done anything with it, but here I am sat in front of a woman who's entire life revolves around music.
It's really quite impressive.