confusifying | wicked | book 3/3

Nessa

This has happened before when I was younger, I used to wake up having slept poorly with my back aching terribly.
It commonly happened if I'd fallen asleep on the sofa, as sofas aren't really designed to be slept on.
I cannot even begin to fathom the amount of pain I'm in, it's as though someone is holding a knife in my back.
Though this feel more like several knifes.
My sister has tried to talk to me a few times but I can't muster up the breath to reply so I've remained silent and sobbing, Boc and Glinda haven't even tried to talk to me though it's probably for the best.

"Elphie." I croak at last.
"Yes Ness." My sister whispers lovingly.
I think for a moment about what father used to do when I'd complain about back ache as a child.
"Elphaba can you give me a massage?" I ask hesitantly, I know it sounds stupid but the muscles at the base of my spine a tighter than they should be due to my condition.
My sister places a hand my my tail bone and pushes down firmly, a wave of relief washes over me as she begins to make small circular motions with the palms of her hands.
"Thank you." I murmur, enjoying the temporary relief that I've been granted.
"Nessarose are you going to be alright to talk with the Winkies?" My sister queries.
Thats been playing at the back of my mind but I'm set on going to speak with them either way, pain or no pain.
"I'll be fine." I reply hastily.
My sister sighs deeply, continuing to soothe my back.
I close my eyes and enjoy the lack of pain, thinking to myself if this is what the rest of my life is going to be like, do I really want it?
There's not really any going back now, I have to do this for Oz.
A place that hasn't always been kind to my family.

After a while Elphaba stops her massaging and rolls me onto my back once again, and it is at this moment when Boc finally decided to talk to me.
"Are you feeling better now my dear?" Boc calls from the other side of the carriage, I prize myself up against the headboard of the mattress and stare at him, his unexpected use of the word dear throwing me off guard.
"Oh Elphaba!" Glinda suddenly gasps before I have time to respond to Boc, I turn my head to witness my sister, staring down at her feet, tears silently cascading down her face.
She takes a frantic step back when she sees me looking at her.
"Elphaba what's the matter?" I ask gently.
My sister viciously scrubs at her weeping eyes.
"I'm so sorry Nessa." She trembles.
I don't quite know what to say as I'm unsure as to what she's apologising for.
"Sorry? For what?" I cry, my sister wrings her hands anxiously.
"I must have laid you down wrong and I didn't check because I've done this so many times and it's all my fault-"
"Elphaba." I snap, not allowing her to wallow in this any more than she already has, "I'm fine, you silly thing!"
My sister smiles at me and sighs away the remainder of her tears.

"Are you sure that your okay?" My sister asks me for the fifth time in eight minutes, I'm starting to lose my mind.
"Yes Elphaba." I answer bluntly "trust me, if I wasn't then you'd know about it."
That seems to shut her up for a good few minutes.
"Isn't this exciting!" Glinda cries, destroying the peace yet again.
I let out an audible sigh and push myself back down onto my back so that I'm lying that again.
I close my eyes with the hopes that I might fall asleep and not have to tediously sit through the last eight and a half hours of this ten hour journey.
But alas, try as I might, sleep doesn't seem to want to take me right this second.
"I'm getting rather home sick" I hear Glinda comment "I'll be glad when we go back to the Emerald city!"
She's met with a light chuckle from Boc and hearty exhale from my sister, who I can only assume is dreading my return to the emerald city.
I'm slightly dreading it too, we left so swiftly last time that I hope I haven't upset anyone, if all goes well with the Winkie General then everything should be okay.
At least that's what I'm telling myself.

When I was a young girl, I was told story's by one of our house maids that my father used to carry me around the house as an infant, telling me all the responsibilities that I would take on when I assumed the role of governess.
Apparently, he would walk slowly through the hallways, telling me stories of his own father, my grandfather, whilst waiting for me to fall asleep.
I've heard few things about my grandfather, he died a month after I was born, apparently he met me twice and after he died I was left a lot of money by him and he left my sister without a single gold coin.
Father lost his wife and his own father all in the span of a year.
I don't think either Elphaba or I ever met my grandmother of my fathers side, I know that my mothers parents had died many many years ago but that my fathers mother was lost at sea and my grandfather died from a heart attack.
My family is full of untimely death and sickness, it's a wonder that I am the only physically impaired member.
Though I have been told that my grandfather had terrible balance is his later years and could not rise from his chair without his cane, apparently you could always hear him and his thunderous cane charging about his house.
It's strange how some people are remembered.