||~~The Brewer's Girl~~||

👼Risks👼

☺Chapter - 10☺

❤Dedicated to miniTHEnomad for being so sweet and kind to me❤

❤Risks❤

Kabir

Sometimes we let things that we'd never allow happen in our life for the sake of our loved ones.

Is it selfish of me to want someone else's presence in my princess's life, especially when I know I can't give anything in return but only hate and that too keeps fluctuating. Somedays I feel like taking revenge from Aashna, to hate her, to keep her in trouble and some days I want to be mean and laugh at her falling victim to her own blunders.

Her eyes question why it bothers me. She hints at the fact that maybe I'm afraid she is here and I might fall for her again.

To be honest, It's difficult to understand people but it's more difficult to understand oneself. So I don't understand why on some days when I want to hate her, I let things slide and decide it doesn't matter. And why on some days when I don't want to be rude to her for no reason, I end up lashing out, doing things out of my way to not give her what she wants.

This cycle never ends. I tried keeping my family away from her, I tried avoiding her like a plague but in that process I tired myself out and my family too. I could sense mom's grimaces directed at me and Riddhu getting cranky, complaining to not sleep on time and rather she'd ask me to call her 'Aashu'. Mom talked a lot about Aashna too and I was imposing something that I had decided for them.

Lately I've realized how much I try, I can't control the course of my life and the actions of people around me. Hasn't life taught me this much? My own Wife being a doctor knew somewhere that her pregnancy was a risky business and I had begged her that she couldn't decide for both of us. She'd told me the baby had no fault and if there's a risk she'd take it despite everything.

"No risk. No story. No magic. And we need this magic Kabir." She'd said but that's the thing about risks. Sometimes you have to make a bold move either to win or lose. In our case I don't know if we won or lost. Our great love required a great risk and I lost Aarohi but that very story brought me the magic in my life. My princess. And I had promised Aarohi that I would let her decide for herself and let her daughter decide for herself too when she comes into this world.

She smiled at me, painfully and said, "Our daughter Kabir. Thank you." She had caressed my face and suddenly we both had tears in our eyes. No 'I love you's were exchanged and no promises were made. But her eyes conveyed a lot and that moment made me feel like I had become more mature, more responsible and wiser. All of the qualities that she had, she had transferred into me with her silence and a tearful smile. Before I could realize that was a parting smile and a goodbye, she was being wheeled into the OT. I wanted to go inside but she had told me this is what she wanted. As her last wish. To not see her in her last moments. She thought I was too weak for that and there was no denying the truth. We both knew what was going to happen inside, so that was the last time I saw her. Alive.

My breath is lost when I remember those moments of my life, I cry rivers for her, for what she had given me, for who she'd transformed me to. I cry for hours, an uncontrollable weeping that I only ever afforded to do when I was home alone. I have my vulnerable moments and I don't think the healing process will ever end. I just think there came a time when I decided that my wounds weren't going to stop me from becoming what I wanted to be and more so, what Aarohi wanted me to be. So I committed to be strong and the first time I held our daughter into my arms, she was so tiny and strangely instead of feeling empty for being a single parent to her, I felt so full inside, the love was overflowing and I understood this was the most beautiful quality Aarohi had left with me.