||~~The Brewer's Girl~~||

👼Moment👼

☺Chapter - 34☺

❤Dedicated to The_storyteller12 for always being there to support me. Not taking name but Love you seriously❤

Aashna.

"Kabiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrr!" I squeal as his hands wrap around my waist, awakening the shivers I always feel whenever he is in a close proximity with me. His throaty laugh echoes in the kitchen as he lifts me off my feet and I try hard to control my wide grin from getting any more wider.

"What are you doing?" I ask between my giggles as he goes round and round with me in his arms. I tick my head to a side looking at his happy self as my hair cascade down, fanning his face in the process. He blinks at me, gay eyes twinkling with delight. I remove the hair strands from his face with my lingering fingers. This moment he looks so joyful and excited like a child that I want to just kiss him with all my might.

"I am so happy today!" He breaks it to me, grinning like a fool as I always call him. He let me stand on my feet steadily and my hands rests on both his shoulders, finding their way back to join behind his neck.

"I see. So?" I raise my eyebrows at him and his hands squeeze my waist a bit, his excitement transpiring into a static energy leaving me with goose bumps.

"So! We are going to party tonight and you have to wear that dress we bought last weekend. You will look ravishing!" His eyes conveys to me all the naughty glints running in his mind.

"Why do I have this feeling that we aren't going to party just because it's Saturday night? What's more?" I bore my gaze into his, curious eyes trying to unravel the fleeting surprises floating in there. He doesn't hide it anymore. He tells me all about how the foreign clients liked his work and how he is being awarded for the best adventure photographers award. He is ecstatic and hugs me tight while I reciprocate in the wake of being the one who gets to share all his sad and happy moments in life.

The happiness showers upon us into the form of pearly snowfall as we stand beside his room window, looking out to the beautiful sight. He is back hugging me and I smile leaning on him, feeling the comfort in his fragrance and warmth. I close my eyes inhaling in his scent and it's like eons of time passes by when I next open my eyes.

It's devastating without his warmth and the light. There is a dark storm building outside the window and I am standing all alone beside it. I hear Kabir's helpless cries and my eyes search for him in the darkness. His moans are bitter and like those sharp pieces of glass piercing my heart.

"I was content with my life before you! You came and snatched away every reason for me to be happy. Now I am left with nothing." His hurt voice burns me alive as I still try and reach out to get hold of him in the darkness. The storm roars outside and his cries can still be heard.My heart jolts to a heavy rhythm as the storm unfurls and there are uncontrollable tears flowing down my cheeks. Kabir is still nowhere to be seen or felt, there is no light and I can not hear him anymore. It's all so empty and I feel uneasiness crawl at my sides.

"Kabir" I whisper, my breathing harsh as I finally come conscious. My eyes flutter open to the familiar Ceiling of my room. I feel the dampness beneath my cheeks and realize that i have gotten the pillow wet. It is not the first time I have cried in my sleep. These dreams have been chasing me ever since I broke Kabir's heart that terrible night and he walked out of my life forever.

I can't call them nightmares because they are sweet in the beginning but end up remorsefully. It goes just like what turn my life has taken. It used to be perfect with Kabir in my life but at the end of us, I broke him. I also broke his trust and his beliefs in loving someone.

I am still shaking in the aftermath of knowing Kabir was crying with my unconscious mind.

I need him.

But I ruined him myself.

Doesn't he feel like ruining me back? Am I not atleast worth that? But kicking him out of my life has already ruined me enough.

Why do I have these dreams?

I try controlling my breathing, my eyes urging the empty glass beside me to fill itself. Swallowing the bile risen in my throat i check my phone. It's nearing 2 am. Somehow I have been pulling myself through the day all these months. But when night hovers down and I miss being around him, it kills me. My eyes scan the red marks on my arms. I was never the one who would self harm oneself but I don't know why I wake up to these scratches on my skin. I am not aware when the hell I do that in my sleep. It is scaring me these days. I had shared it with my mom and she cut my nails.

But it's not just about scratching. I live in this fear that one night I might do something more dangerous. Am I really losing my mind again.

My eyes stare out of the window into the night sky. When did I recover ever? Whenever I try to go easy on myself and take a breathe I only find myself drowning more. There isn't one single moment that I feel at peace. There is always a knot inside my heart and no.matter how much I try to untangle it, it keeps tightening itself as if cursed by my most purest of feelings towards Kabir.

There is someone at the door, constant soft knocks travel through the vibrations and my eyes shoot up. I wipe the sweat on my face, palms pressing against my forehead and pushing my hairs back.

"Aashu di!" A whispered yell comes from outside the door and I realize it's Kukkie. Kukkie has been distant with me since a year and I blame myself for affecting her relationship with Kabir.

Things were all so swift and good before I fell into depression. I sigh getting out of my bed and wiping the remnants of sweat from my for head.

"Di! Open the door!" Kukkie again whisper yells and I shake my head at her. She has no patience. All this time when she has been a little off with me, I am surprised to find her at my door at this hour.

When I open the door, she hugs me even before I take in into her sight.

"Di Adi wants to meet me!" She says coming out of the hug as I am just about to reciprocate it, excitement visible in her eyes. "I will be back soon, if someone asks about me aap sambhaal lena!" She says all in one breathe.

"Okay....but at this hour Kukkie? Where are you guys going?" I can't help but ask her being the elder sister as I am.

But being the excited soul that she is always, she trace her way back, trying to make less noice.

"Later di!" She mouths before disappearing. A small smile tug at my lips and I keep standing there outside my room.

Aditya Sinha is the only son of my dad's close friend. The Sinha's came with a proposal for me and there was a tornado of words and moods in our house that day. I repeatedly managed to present strong points on my behalf for why I didn't want to marry. Mom knew about Kabir and she respected my feelings. But she is a mother after all. She tried to put sense in me that I can't always live with them. One day i'd have to marry but my parental advices just fell on deaf years.

I couldn't marry. I couldn't because I didn't want to ruin anyone's life. I have a reason to live now. That is writing. I had decided the day Kabir married that the only thing I would do is write. I don't really care about spending the rest of my life with someone.

The upset cloud grew darkly grey upon my relations with my family because of my decision of not marrying. With that came the guilt for they told me how many years can I go without marrying? Kukkie is coming up to the marriage age and what if me being single creates problems in fixing Kukkie's marriage since I am the elder sister.

Kukkie and I am least bothered about this fact but our parents are still worried about maintaining their identity in the society.

Well Aditya Sinha came to the rescue. One day he appeared in front of papa and it was very courageous of him to declare his love for Kukkie. Kukkie has won his heart in a month and he did too. She was ecstatic the day she heard him confess his feelings.

The funny part was that once Kukkie had a boyfriend named Aditya and now she is going to be engaged with a different guy named Aditya.

I can see Kukkie likes him too and it overwhelms me to finally see her so happy and consumed. Ever since Aditya's night of confession, things has been light in the house. I know my parents still worry about me but I have told them to just make the most of the time and be happy as a family before Kukkie leaves us.

Ofcourse she wants to work as a single woman for more time until she figures out a good way in her career. That means we have to bear her for atmost an year. She is getting engaged next week.

My thoughts tread on their way as I hear my phone ringing. I quickly enter my room and receive the call after shutting the door.

It is Yash. I wonder why is he calling so late.

"What is the time Yash?" I roll my eyes out of habit and imagine an amused look on his face.

"Oh shut it. I know you were awake."

"Yeah well whatever. Speak." I walk back to my bed, throwing myself on my stomach.

"I needed some love advice from my writer friend."

He says hesitantly.

"At this hour, Seriously? Besides I failed big time in love and you know it."

I twitch my mouth, my fingers caressing the dried tears on my white pillow covers.

"Oh c'mon! Its that time when the best of the thoughts make way. Look I met this guy yesterday in the casino......" Yash's voice continues but I have again zoned out in the moments I have spent with Kabir.

The moments of impact. Life's all about moments of impact and how they change our lives forever.

The moments we relive in experiences.There has been times I imagined what would have Kabir said or done had he been present here. A feeling grows inside me every single time I talk about love or see couples meeting and loving each other. I do crave love. His love that I had to reject myself.

"You with me till now?"

I realize Yash has asked me something so I let the card castle of my thoughts fall down.

"Yeah.....I uh! I am sorry I wasn't listening."

I bite my upper lip, tapping my toes against each other.

"I was saying this guy I recently met and how ....well forget it. We'll talk tomorrow and maybe I can treat you."

"sure I'd like that and I am so sorry Yash." I sigh soundly and he gives a single laugh in return.

"Get some sleep. Good night"

" 'Night" slipping away my phone aside I hug the pillow close to me. My eyes burn with tears and I once again fall into this moment of weakness.

Maybe not in this life, but I am sure in another life and in another world, I would meet Kabir, as perfect of a girl as his, and love him so much, give so much, take so much and would never ever let go of him.

Kabir.

"Kabirrrr!" I feel her finger poke the back of my head and her body slightly rubbing against me as she carries her giggling self down the road. "Catch me if you can." I can just feel her eyes shining with a mad thrill as they stare at my back.

A smile graze on my lips as I turn around, my hand stroking the back of my head, the exact spot she loved. But all I see is an empty street with only my shadow accompanying me.

Everything! Every damn place is full of her memories. How am I supposed to escape her consuming self? I try to untangle these rope like memories which hold me down and it's like the more I try the more I find myself buried deep. It hurts to look at Aarohi whenever I would voice my thoughts and it hurts more when she softens up so easily on my every apology.

I kick the lamp post at the side out of frustration. It feels like a huge pressure is building up onto me and I am helpless to do anything. Sighing, I look up at my apartment at the corner and start walking towards it.

Sometimes I wish I had some kind of a disease which would permanently delete the memories of times I have spent with Aashna. I loved her dammit! And now my present is getting spoiled because of her. She might be living her life peacefully now that I am not a part of it. A sarcastic smirk makes way as I wonder how she so softly had whispered to me once that I was the most special part of her life. Was. Not anymore!

I lean on the main door, breathing hard and it isn't because I have walked a mile or more. It's because of the anger, my eyes blaze with when it dawns on me how unnervingly drawn I was to her and how she used me and left when she pleased.

I take a deep breath. "Now I am going to walk inside this door and no more dwelling in the past!" I tell myself strictly and open the door.

As soon as I shut it, my ears crave to hear the faint sound of that little metal bell Aashna used to worship the God with. Here you go Kabir! I want to cry out for I am unable to stop these memories from ushering in my mind. I shrug out of my coat, irritated with myself. There is an upset silence surrounding me.

I glance at my watch and then untie it while walking into the hall. It's 11 PM and I didn't realize I was out so long, fighting with my inner self to stop living in the heartbreak.

The lights are dimmed so I think Aarohi must be inside. I let my backpack fall on the couch and walk to the kitchen.

Oh freak! What did Aarohi eat because I don't reckon I had anything stocked. I rush to the fridge and look through the containers.

There is food! "How the hell ...." I am cut off by Aarohi's voice. "Welcome home."

I Jump around to find her standing. She has flicked on the lights and I notice she looks tired. I wonder what did she do all day while I was gone. Her eyes looks sad and I feel kind of guilty from the way she looks at me.

When do I not feel guilty by the way. I am not able to meet her eye from my own idea of being the kind of husband I am.

I clear my throat before speaking. "You startled me."

She sighs softly and if it weren't for the little flare in her nose, I wouldn't have noticed. She takes the container from my hand and walk away, heading towards the microwave, her hair tied in a loose bun that could come undone any second now.

Why do I have a feeling that she is mad at me?

"Do you usually come late or today's some special day?" She asks in a well maintained tone while warming the food.

I was right. She is mad at me.

"I..I'm sorry I lost track of time while walking back home." I tell her honestly. Sometimes I think my honesty lands me in trouble but with her there is no choice but speaking the truth.

"Aarohi I am sorry. Did you not eat yet?

She turns around and I feel the tension under her skin. "How could I when there is nothing available to cook! I survived the day on snacks mom gave thank you very much!" she was talking to me like a real wife and on other occasions I might have just amused myself but knowing that it was my fault I left her alone with no food was making me kick myself.

"I ...please forgive me Aarohi, I dunno what is going on with me these days"

"Why Kabir? Why is it always about you and you alone? You don't even care to look beyond that! Have you ever asked what is going on with me? It's all familiar to you, this country, this home, your friend everything! I am also adjusting and look you come home this late and I shouldn't but I do feel guilty for feeding you this food that I ordered from outside!"

I gulp down a strange emotion and the situation upsets me. I'd had a hard day at work too and coming home too see your wife speak to you like that when all these months she has been so gentle with you is not going down very good with me.

"I apologise really..."

"Kabir that's not the point!" She sighs and keep looking at me. I am unsure of how to take it from here. A ping distracts her and she turns around to fill a plate with food.

"Freshen up and come have dinner." She said, her voice a neutralized version of masked disappointment.

"I already had my dinner at work." I tell her not meeting her eyes. She puts the plate back on the counter, intentionally letting it fall soundly.

"Pehle bata dete!" She fumes and I cross my feet leaning against the counter.

"Sorry" my fingers run through my hairs as I stare at her from under my lashes.

She mutters something under her breath and then roll her eyes before walking to the fridge and putting the plate back in. Her eye roll did it. It takes me to when Aashna had been here and she used to play this trick of imitating me and I used to pass some sarcastic comments. She would always roll her eyes at me and I never admitted but it kind of turned me on.

What am I thinking! Aarohi shuts the fridge and then face me with her arms folded and. Serious expression on her face.

"Look I am sorry I didn't tell you I'd have dinner outside. Where did you get the food from?"

She twists her mouth and points her thumb behind her at the fridge. My eyes follow her actions and I find a list of contact numbers scribbled on the sticky notes to order food. It was Aashna's idea to do that and I never felt the need to take those notes off. Her deed helped my wife today. I take my eyes off of Aashna's handwriting and shifts my eyes back on Aarohi.

"A sorry can't mend things as you think!"

"Is this about me coming late and ...." I am yet again cut off. She won't let me speak tonight I guess.

"You do realize you're married now do you? Kabir you're not a bachelor anymore!"

She was angry and I didn't like it. But why was she making it so big?

"Don't make a big deal out of it Aarohi. I am sorry I am late, I should have informed you but..." she again cuts me off, taking a step forward. "Yeah right. You should have called or texted me atleast when I tried to reach you so many times! But you didn't Kabir. Neither did you let me know that you were leaving this morning! That too in front of your friend and well what he might think of us. Forget it! I know you don't care about anyone else but yourself you self centered man!"

"That's enough!" I have to stop her before she says really mean things that I know she wouldn't even think of meaning.

"Why? Tell me why did Peter take Aashna's name?" She tries to intimidate me by stepping closer but I am far from it. That wasn't what I was expecting her to ask me. I didn't want to answer that.

"Aarohi you're diverting from the topic and don't raise your voice."

"Do hell with my voice Kabir." Her voice breaks and I shut my eyes. This needs to stop. "Tell me how does he know Aashna. Why did he think you're married to her?"

She continues to ask me but I am bust finding ways how to end this discussion.

"I don't want to talk about it, it has been a long day. Good night!"

I speak curtly, my eyes taking in her spent posture and closing when her eyes meet mine.

"Like always you're choosing to run away from this. How long Kabir? How long will you ignore me?" Her voice was compelling me to turn back to her but all I did was to step away and walk out of the kitchen. If I thought I was going to escape then I was wrong. Because this time Aarohi didn't let me walk out on her like I did last night. She followed behind me to my bedroom.

"Kabir!"

"What!" I turned around to face her , a rage developing with a headache.

"What do you want to know!" I yell at her but it didn't deter her strong form. She keeps staring at me unblinkingly.

"I want to know why there is a novel in your closet. I found it while unpacking this afternoon." She says with a deadly calm.

I raise my eyebrows at her. "Are you going to keep account of what things I have now?"

"Kabir you don't read." She states finally, her eyes accusing me and I had to break our eye contact.

"What are you implying at? Who else lives here?" I ask her frowning to myself and trying to remember if I cleared all the stuff of Aashna or not last time I was here.

Her shoulders fall in defeat and she sits on our bed. "I am not a fool! I can draw similarities in the handwritings on the bookmark and those notes on the fridge."

"Aarohi seriously what..." "...don't try and tell me it's your handwriting because it's not and I know that very well!" She glares at me with an intensity and it digs out the truth from me.

"Fine! I'd tell you the truth but it would hurt to look at you hating the idea of me and Aashna living here." My eyes fills up with unshed emotions. "Because those were the best moments of my life and it obviously upsets me if someone judge us through that angle!"

I am breathing hard while Aarohi bores her gaze on the floor. I knew I would hate the look on her face when she knows the truth. Shutting my eyes I try to control my breathing and shrug out of my sweatshirt. I still feel suffocated.

"Right" she smirks deadpanning me. "I am just a somebody." Her voice comes out rough and I hate it. I hate it that it affects me. I hate it that I feel bad about hurting her.

"That's not what I meant" I side glance at her while gathering the pillows. She needs space and I badly need it. I can't stand another minute in this room.

I walk out of the room after peeking at her for the last time. She is sitting with a saddening smile on her face. But what can I do to make her feel better! That's what was of my past. And one always needs to accept it to move ahead in his life.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
*click on the screen and hit the star at the bottom of your screen to vote*

I had no plans to give an insight on Aashna but on demand I did it. For the first and only time cuz it felt right.

Next update will come in May, after my exams! Wish me luck 🙈

Did you like Kabir and Aashna's pov atleast sharing the update and ofcourse moments and memories?
Do vote and tell me in the comments where do you think this story would go from here?

Love always,
Sue 💜