||~~The Brewer's Girl~~||

👼Inferno👼

☺Chapter - 45☺

❤Dedicated to elliefly5 , My buttercup! Happy birthday Love❤

Aarohi.

Unexpected the day I saw you,

Unbearable those moments that broke you,

My eyes fell sad with your tears

And that's when I knew, I'll be the one to love you.

Blessed were those hours, we bonded over piousness

Blessed are these hours, we are bonding over spirituality again

In your burning eyes, I see the inferno rise

And I am ready to burn with you!

Because blessed are You and I,

Lost into this togetherness.

So if you ask me, if I love you any less,

Baby you deserve so much more than my love in any case,

For I'll love you till my last breath

And maybe, just maybe,

This would be our happily ever after!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Can I touch you?"

"Yes"

Yes I want him to do more than just what he asked for. Not like that he wasn't already touching me but I understand where he comes from. I was already feeling light headed because maybe I drank more wine than I intended to tonight. But since Kabir got in this room, and the way he is staring at me is making me aware of certain things that I am feeling for the first time as a woman. My body's surprising me with unfamiliar reactions to his touches. I feel his breath fanning my collarbone as he dips his head low, standing close behind me, his front touching my back and giving birth to delicate fireworks exploding my insides.

"Do you know why I kissed you in the pub initially?" He murmurs against my skin. His voice, like a soft lullaby that makes me smile with closed eyes, feeling at peace. It sounds like he has asked me something, and I try to focus on what my ears heard seconds before. Whenever I'm in a close proximity with him, my brain can't help but process slowly.

"Uh hunh!" I breathe out to let him know I am with him, finally realizing what he said. His nose is grazing behind my neck now and I can't stay still, trying hard to find something to hold on to.

"I was jealous Aarohi, to see you so happy and all smiles with Peter." He admits at a slow pace, careful with what he is confessing. His one arm drape around me and I try to calm myself, clutching onto it.

"That was fantastic, I mean the kiss!" I tell him in a low voice, opening my eyes and staring into his through the mirror. I have seen him shirtless so many times ever since we got married and even tried pretending to be unfazed by it but now as I look at him, the dimmed golden light bouncing back from his fair skin, I perceive that I never gave enough credit for what he has worked hard for hours into his gym. I gulp hard, his eyes intense and drunk capturing my appearance in the mirror.

He turns me around in his arms, eyes staring at me earnestly. "I was subjugated by possessiveness but when I came close to you Aarohi, it was You!" His hold tightens around me as he says, tongue flicking out for a minute second to swipe over his lips. "It was all of You who made me kiss you" His eyes speaks more than what the words did. His thumb graze my arm lightly and goose bumps erupt on my skin as his emotions dawns upon me. This is the moment that I have waited for a long time. Maybe he sees me in that light i wanted him to see me. As his woman. I am his woman, the one he can't bear to see standing with even his trusted friend. I am not asking for anything more. Not even for him to say that he loves me. I don't believe in putting a timeline on love. It will happen when it has to. It doesn't start on a specific date, nor does it end on one. It's eternal.

And now when he says it's all of me because of whom he is reciprocating what I feel, this is the confession that I wanted so badly to leave his mouth.All those past months, sleeping in the same bed, trying to get myself together and not reach out to him and all those times of disappointment for not getting loved in return , it all appears worth it from where I stand, gazing in his eyes and the sincerity floating in the chocolates of his orbs.

The one thing that I do best is control and now I find myself caught in this wild fire of Love and desire, my world tumbles out of convention. Kabir has circled me always, safe in this relationship of Husband and wife. But now, he is letting me loosen up, having my back to protect me while I go throw myself into this ungovernable territory. He is right here with me, jumping into the inferno.

We swirl together, covered in the softness of each other's touch and wrapped in a strange but gratifying warmth radiating from our sighs. My hair unruly and untamed slips out of his fingers as they spy into my strands, warm palm cupping my face. The night turns more magnificent right when I close my eyes and relish the intimacy between us, almost palpable as if captured in a bubble of our own world. My feelings unfurls gracefully synchronizing with my body against his. I never imagined Kabir could be this tender and yet so fierce. The fire blazing in both our hearts has second nature to it, it's ferociously burning, wanting to clash against each other in a pleasure war and on the other hand, it's uncontrollably fond, giving each other time and comfortingly gentle. This duality is new to both of us and I am so glad Kabir is the one with whom I am exploring these array of emotions.

Kabir was an enigma to me since the beginning and it did take me a long time to break through his heart and find a place there. But here I am! He must have extreme feelings for me at this point. He must. For his turnaround was softly enveloping me with that care I never imagined to encounter. Being in this moment, with my stomach muscles quivering with need beneath him,I feel so exotic the way he's exploring and taking me places. Like I'm the only one for him and baby does he not know how much this means to me? Sharing my personal space to this extent and that too with the Man I love is huge for me. It means so much, so much that I'd die happily if I have to. This moment is so special for me and I am the happiest in a long time.

I stare deep into his eyes, breathing thoughtful breath and reflecting upon the firm shine in those orbs. My fingers stalk to his shoulders, tips pressing into them as I feel my eyes prick with tears of joy.Tickles of pleasure hit me and Like a burning flame, our heartbeats dance rejoicing as we unite with each other in the name of our pious relation. His face surrounded with an angelic light. He has never looked at me like he does now. A phantom of delight flickers in his eyes and I smile against my spent self, finding solace in his embrace. His hands wrap around me and I can still hear his heartbeats thudding rapidly.

"You know what?" I mumble, lifting my face to his as we lay together covered in sheets, the temperature around us risen to another level, dampening in on us.

"Hmm?" His chin rests on my head as he hums. Probably he is tired and nearly dozing off after an exceptional night in both our lives.

"Love is like the wind. You can't see it but you feel it." I smile at him with a soft sigh. He is silent for minutes but I can feel he got his senses back with the intensity of his eyes searching mine. The flame in his eyes is too bright for my eyes to handle and I wonder if me saying that earlier caused it? His eyes are strange and a fear crepts in my heart. It feels like I'm tasting dangerous waters and in spite of myself I still want to be with him and let him drive me crazy.He leads me into a wilderness this time, his actions screaming power and expeditiousness. I can already get a whiff of strong and muscular wild scent and it turns me on like never before. Stepping on those rotten leaves in the woods, he leads me carefully and I swallow, sensing the danger. Whiffing the damped smell of the bog, I feel my naked toes curling in the marshland. There I witness in his eyes, a beast like fire that's coming to get me and place us both in peril. My heartbeat quickens on a lightning speed and all I want is to run away. Despite the fear gripping my heart, I step up and collide against his menacing power, undeterred and unfettered. I am on my high in this moment and all the same admiring the man I love with all my heart. Like wildflowers blooming in the forest, sparkles explode throughout my body, hypnotising me with the current running under my veins, at his touches. The warmth returns with striking vigour and I'm afraid if I can handle it. Sweat beads slide down my neck as I hold on to something silk beneath me with all my might. It's exciting to fleetingly swept away in this flame, which keeps lifting us up until we are on our extreme high, blending our souls.

But it was a mistake on my part to forget that every flame reaching it's high dwindles down, it's not perennial and therefore must extinguish. Did I not fear this moment to not last forever? So after hearing what I did, my loudly beating heart took a blow.

"Aashna!" There he does it again. For the first time it happened I didn't even hear it in my dizzy state. But I hear it pretty clear now as Kabir moans Aashna's name. I watch in horror as he lays beside me exhausted, his forehead shining with drops of perspiration. I feel the flame inside me die, obliterating my feelings in it's climax.

Suddenly there is so much less room to even breathe, my heart can't calm itself, thudding at a lightening speed and tears flow freely as I sit up despite the ache down there. My fingers tremble to lift the cover off my body. Kabir chooses the exact moment to put his arm across the empty space where I was lying few seconds ago. Not finding me, he grunts but goes back to his light slumber. I stare at him blankly, still not able to believe what just happened. But my heart is in pain, succumbing to despair and the fact that I am feeling something even if it's the worst feeling ever validates that it's reality. So that duality that I wanted to explore is leaving me here? The best night of my life turned into oblivion for him? Was that loving look in his eyes and the sincerity I read in them directed to his former lover?

I push my hair back, both my palms pressing against my forhead.My heart hurt just by thinking that maybe he never saw me in that light. Maybe he had her in his mind from the beginning and why not, of course he was drunk and here I was so naive to think everything got over. Did I read too much in the song he sang in the evening? Is he just forcing himself to like me for my sake?

I glance at him, for the first time,with disgust. And instantly feel guilty. It's just alcohol in his system maybe and did he not feel for me really? Things have gone way ahead of us and my heart creeps me out , afraid what we shared didn't mean to him anything. When was I ever in picture? It was always Aashna. Where was I wrong? I swallow. I want to ask so many questions to him. I want to confront him and fight him over. My heart is breaking, my eyes burning with tears and the frown on my forehead hurting my head. I gasp, not able to keep myself from falling apart and sob. I put a hand on my mouth and stand up from the bed, wrapping the silk sheet around me. My knuckles turn white as I clutch on it with all my might. Right now I can't even bear to be in the same atmosphere as him. I feel disgusted. I feel disrespected. I feel ruined. What good is intimacy if you don't love the person you're intimate with!

I rush out of the room, not even giving a single look his way. I thought everything would be alright! Gradually one day he will forget Aashna and accept me. Love me..... I begin whimpering as I enter the common washroom, not choosing to step in the other guest room, which was once occupied by Aashna. I hate this name! How could someone break a person like Kabir to this extent that now even if he has someone to love him, he can't receive it with all his soulfulness.

Locking the door behind me, I drop the sheet, daring to look at my body in the mirror. I don't want to think about him but my body does. My fingers tell me about his hands, my mouth tells me about his lips. It reminds me everywhere he's been and about how .....how he loved me. But did he really?

My heart sinks as I imagine someone else running in his mind while we consummated our marriage. I can't get the picture out of my head, and betrayal bites me, closing in on me from all the sides. I pull at my hair, feeling my skin would just burn from the heat I feel crawling at my skin. It's nauseating my insides. I can't bear to meet my own eye in the mirror.

I won't listen to my body. Not anymore. No. It's all my fault. I took steps way ahead of me. Why did I have to lose my control when it came to him. But why the hell do I blame myself? Is it wrong to want some love? Even when he showed signs of caring for me?

Distress crawl at me mentally as I grab the silk sheet, that I dropped before,between my index toe and foot thumb. I drag it with me as I walk into the shower. The soreness evident between my legs, and grief stinging my eyes, all I want is to wash away the feeling of his touches from the night before. I don't want to feel anything, all that used up sorrow swathing me enough. I don't care if it's too cold in the shower but I need this splash of cold water to realize that I should not be swayed by those dangerous feelings. Because I did. And I ended up with this bitterness I know I don't deserve.

"I don't deserve it Kabir" I snivel, rubbing a little too hard on my skin. But how will it work. I'll rub it off on my skin and it won't remember anything. But my body will remember how it felt while connecting with his contagious touches. My heart will remember how blessed I felt when in his arms, my soul will remember what I felt in those moments of coition.

What about his soul?

Mai toot kar tujhe chaahu bhi toh kya

Apna sab kuch bhula kar tujhe paau bhi toh kya,

Teri rooh toh kisi aur ki ho chali

Mai tera jism paau bhi toh kya.....

Sitting down into the cold running water dribbling above me, I hug my knees, shivering. My eyes intense and sweltering at it's harsh attempts at trying to not shut against the hitting water sprays. I breathe through my mouth, pushing my hair back and catching a glimpse of light red stains on the pure white silk sheet. Those traces evincing the results of my sentiments, are they mocking my Chastity right now? And is it wrong that I don't show any contrition for it all?

Why did I see love for me in his eyes? Why he made me feel like I am the only one belonging to him and why it's not all that he would ever want? I was so convinced that he was all into me until the first round. What turned the wheels around in his head? Either this or he is really a good actor. Maybe it all was a set up from the beginning and he never felt it that strongly! I can't help but think about him with disgrace. Am I just a wife to warm his bed for him? If this is what he thinks of me after getting influenced by people with whom he hangs around then I am so done with this!

Turning off the shower, I grab hold of the brush in the corner and starts rubbing off on my blood stains, specked on the buttery whiteness spread in front of me. Angry tears give way, sliding down my cheeks and nose, my wet hair sticking to my neck like slithery Cobras. All my aggression, I uproot into my arms, rubbing and rubbing , not caring for a single second even if it hurts. I am driven with madness and if I go as far as tearing the material of the bed sheet into shreds, I won't care. How can he! How can he break the purest form of faith I have instilled in him! The heaviness inside me, where do I unload it? Do I have someone here with me? Kabir was the only one I trusted so much and thought he would be there. But is he really here? With me? All this time he has been behaving so generous that I started dreaming a happily ever after with him. All that was just baseless!

I throw the brush away and it bounces back from the tiled wall facing me, hitting my toe nail as an upshot. I would have hold it to soothe the pain if it was some other day. But right now I am turning numb. All those happy moments replaying themselves in my mind and like a dream built on glass, everything shatters again and again breaking me each time with severe torment.

And maybe, just maybe, my happily ever after is turning into heartbreakingly never after!

I don't know how much time passes by as I sit here on the cold and wet floor of the washroom, hugging my knees and staring blankly into nothingness. All I know is that I am trying to feel something, but I fail. This emptiness and eerie silence in the early hours of the morning bringing me in a drowsy state that I am trying to fight.

But am I strong enough?

Not to fight myself but to be out there and resisting the urge to be infuriated when I face him. Because no matter what I think, whether he intended to betray me or if he did it in a moment of weakness, would I ever be able to cause him the most pain when he comes to know what he did?

Or will he remember each and every detail like he always does, no matter how badly drunk he gets?

Kabir Malhotra, I won't let it pass this time. You're screwed!

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
*Click on the screen and hit the star at the bottom of your screen to vote*

*hiding somewhere and crying* *can't believe I finally wrote this dreadful moment*

Writing this Chapter exhausted me emotionally, and I have given all of me into this. So please leave your thoughts in the comments and don't forget to vote.
Special mention to amityadav96 , Thanks for letting me use those four lines from your Hindi poetry.

Until next time,

Love always,
Sue❤