||~~The Brewer's Girl~~||

👼Pain👼

☺Chapter 27☺

❤dedicated to AnyBenny . happy birthday love ❤

Aarohi.

Last night was hard to pass. It has been five hours that i'm busy studying on various subjects for my research but I know very less of these matters. My eyes are scanning the main gate of the house every now and then as I sit on the Terrace.

I yawn and stretch my shoulders, moving my neck from side to side to loosen the tightness I feel. My eyes shoot downstairs as I hear the iron gate creak, but to my disappointment it's only the Gardener who has entered.

"Where is Kabir!" I sit back with a sigh. I saw him sneak out of the house last night and he never returned. Considering in what condition he left I am worried. Last night he was chugging on some rum and I? I was falling in love with him.

well, I don't understand even after knowing he won't ever reciprocate my feelings, I still can't stop myself from loving him. It reminds me of a quote that I read not so long ago.

If you can't get somebody off your mind, then he's probably supposed to be there.

But I don't know if Kabir and I are meant to be. I mean he has not yet spoken on our marriage topic and l am afraid what would I say if asked. Last night I heard the elders talk about taking a step ahead to tie bonds between our families. Today I guess I will have to talk to him about letting them all know we don't agree with this alliance. I know one thing for sure that whatever is going to be his decision, I am going to support him always. If not marriage then maybe I can remain as a good friend in his life.

I sigh and close my books stretching my legs in the open sun.

"Aarohi? Did you not sleep last night?" I turn around to find Kabir's mom with a towel on her head and a pitcher in her hand. She is of very loving nature and reminds me of my own mother. She has even said once that I can call her mom but I think me calling her mom depends on Kabir if he marries me or not. Though in my heart she is already my mom.

"No aunty, I woke up early. Jai shree Krishna"(Indian Hindu greeting)
I smile at her lying swiftly. I didn't want her to worry about me being awake whole night.

I watch her as she raises the pitcher full of water in the air and offer her prayers to the sun deity. The water streaming down from the mouth of the pitcher stunningly grabs my attention as I stare in amazement. Kabir's mom looks younger than she is. Her lips chant a verse from our holy book and her sweet voice refreshes me from my night long study mood.

I begin gathering my books and switch my mobile data on to let the morning messages load on my mobile.

"Where did he went this early in the morning?" I hear Aunty speak and follow her gaze to the main gate to see Kabir entering the house. He looks off, like not himself. His hairs are a mess as if he has ran his hands from them several times. Where was he last night?

"Maybe he went for a walk" I suggest to aunty guessing she doesn't know Kabir wasn't home last night. She frowns beside me just replying in a "hmm" and exits to the staircase taking down the towel and drying her hairs with it.

She is a mother after all, she knows it all. I pick my phone and head downstairs.

I can hear few voices in the hall and as I enter there he is, my every dream I sleep just to chase.

His eyes are red so I can tell he didn't sleep. He is not looking at any of our faces and just answering uncle's questions in monosyllables.

"You're going to be a married man soon Kabir. Staying out and drinking with friends, does it suit you?" Aunty reprimands him and his hand again rubs against each other. I guess he has got a bit of cold.

"Sorry mom." He apologises and then his eyes close for a moment and I hold my breath. I know something has happened and Kabir's gonna speak up any moment. Maybe he is going to call off our marriage.

I know I said I'd support him and would agree on his decisions but I'm afraid what is going to come out of his mouth. Because I love the man I was about to marry and if he withdraws then would I be able to stand here and listen?

Ending my train of thoughts, Kabir speaks, "I have to go back to Dublin."

My heart kick starts as I hear the words that left his mouth. Its like a huge drum rolling inside me rapidly. I wait for him to say more but he just stands there like that's all he wanted to say.

"Itni jaldi beta?" (You have to leave so soon?) ,his aunt asks him and he shrugs, "Work calling Bua" (bua- Aunt)

But I smell something more to it. I don't know but there's this voice in the back of my head saying there is something going on with him.

He starts to leave the hall and I make way for him. His eyes meet mine for a mini second and then he is gone.

"let me go talk to him, why is he leaving so soon?" His mother is about to follow him but his dad stops her and head upstairs after Kabir.

I can't help but follow him as well. I don't care if it looks like I'm hearing their conversation secretly but I want to know what is going on. So I wait for uncle to close the door of his room and then I rush below the window to listen properly.

"Kabir, what is going on? Why this sudden departure?" His dad asks him.

Kabir sighs and sits on the bed. So does his dad.

"I don't know dad. Why did I ignore my work all this while. I have to go back. I need this."

His dad pats Kabir's shoulder. " yes but....we all were talking about doing your engagement Kabir and now you're leaving?"

My heart beats erratically as I again wait for Kabir to tell the truth.

"Dad...I seriously don't know what to do." A frown appears on his forehead and he looks tired.

"You trust us Kabir. We want all the good things for you. Aarohi is a very good girl, she is successful and independent, she understands our family. Your mom and I think she is the girl you'll need okay?" His father assures him but all I can do is focus on Kabir as he seems to be contemplating something.

"Do you think so dad? Am I the guy any of the girls would want to marry?" He asks and I feel like I am watching a small kid asking to his father if other girls would play with him?
If you ask me Kabir, i'll tell you who wouldn't ever want to marry you. You're the guy everyone would fall for and would even die to marry.

"Kabir, we can't fit in evey shoe right? Sometimes you find something comfortable but its temporary. So what do we do? We look for another pair of shoes right?"

"Hmm" Kabir replies to his dad and I wait for uncle to elaborate more as I listen carefully.

"So if you're not fit for heels, look for something grounded and simple." His dad winks at him and for a moment I admire the young streak his dad has got. After all Kabir has so many features similar to his dad's so he got to be handsome.

But I quite don't understand what both of them are talking about. But after what uncle said Kabir seems relaxed. He stands to hug his dad. "I believe you dad. I know mom and you wants the best for me."

"Then trust us and get engaged with Aarohi tonight. Before leaving atleast make her happy." Uncle says and I so wish I could see Kabir's expressions. But now he is facing uncle and I can feel myself shiver a little.

"Dad, can we not do this when I come again? I hear him ask and I can't really believe what I hear. Is he really ready to engage next time he comes or is he just saying so to delay this proposal?

"I think this is the appropriate time Son, think about the girl, she has dreams too so why not give a name to your relation? After Biji, you doing this would help her soul get happy. and also your mom, she is already on top of the world. Eklauta ladla jo hai apni mom ka" (afterall you're the only beloved son of your mother)
they both chuckles and I smile at the father and son duo. Its a heart warming sight. But wait!

They're talking about our engagement and Kabir is still smiling. He has nothing to object?

I stare at him with wide eyes as he says to his dad, "ok then let's get this done before I leave. Thank you dad. I love you"

"Save it for the airport" his dad laughs and adds, "i'll tell the good news downstairs then".

I hide behind the curtain as his dad leaves. Kabir agrees? How come?

" you heard us right?" Kabir taps my shoulders from behind and I close my eyes. Caught while doing the mischief! Aarohi why can't you be careful?

I turn around and give him an apologetic look.

But soon I remember he gave his consent and I rush into his room through the door. "Kabir you want to marry me?"

"Don't you?" He counter asks me sitting on the bed.

"I...but you love Aashna right? What about her?"

He sighs and then stares at me with a serious expression. "Look Aarohi, I am already having a hard time forgetting her , please don't take her name between us."

I am shocked would be an understatement. Till yesterday he was after her day and night. What changed so soon?

"Kabir, did you meet her last night?"

He turns away from me, facing out of the window. "Its over between us, she doesn't want me" he says, and his voice is so cold that it slices through my skin, it makes me feel his pain. I watch as he takes out a ring from his pocket and gaze longingly at it.

"How....how is it over?" I'm at a loss of words as he fixes me with a glare. "You ask too many questions. Stop being my wife already"

What is wrong with this man! Why is he getting angry at me. Instead I should be the one glaring at him.

"No you listen to me Kabir. What is going on with you huh?"

"Why what did I do?" He raises his eyebrows at me.

This man has the nerve to ask me!

"First it was you knowing that we were supposed to be married but you didn't tell me you were already with someone. Then the other day I see you with your lady love and she runs away from you. I told you let's call off this marriage but you said it was over between you. Didn't you?"

"I did. so?" He runs his hand from his hairs again and I hold his arm to make him look at me.

"So why were you still after her after a month when I got back from the camp huh? You still didn't let me tell out folks, neither did you tell anyone about her. Now that she again rejected you , you're back to saying yes for our marriage! Kabir don't you see what you're doing? Why are you keeping me as a second home you can get to when you can't reach your main?"

He shrugs my hand away from his arm and walks away.

"Don't brew a fight for nothing Aarohi. I told you I don't want to talk about Aashna and me. Its over."

"No its not! Are you even serious while saying yes to our engagement Kabir? Coz I am afraid if tomorrow Aashna comes and says she wants to be with you again, you'll leave me. You'll ruin it all and break our hearts." I make him face me again and this time he falls silent. "What will happen to our families? What about their dreams? What about mine?"

I knew it. Ofcourse he would leave me if Aashna comes back. He is just giving his consent for his family.

"What do you expect Aarohi? I love that girl." He shrugs and the honesty in his eyes makes me withdraw my hand back at my side. He is right. What do I expect? It isn't like he would forget her in a night and will get engaged with me for my sake. Ofcourse he wants to believe his family's choice and he wants to go by what they wants. I understand him but I can't believe we are getting engaged.

I don't know why I am breathing hard or why is he staring at me with a careful look.

"Aarohi, I asked you yesterday if you had someone in your life...about that I mean if you don't want this marriage then you can do ...I.mean you can talk to our folks. I am sorry I won't be able to give you the same love because I have none left. She took it all away with her." He talks and again faces the window, turning his back to me. His voice was so pained. What am I getting myself into? This man loves another girl and will love her forever. I won't be able to feel back the feelings I have developed towards him.

I am speechless. Obviously I wouldn't marry anyone else if not him. If only I could tell him that I love him. But he is emotionally weak now, his breakup with Aashna has come hard on him. I can't see him this broken, but his words made me slight offended.

Who says I want the same love he had for Her. But I know one day i'll make my own space in his heart gradually. And this is just the beginning.

I walk towards him, taking his fist in mine and relaxing the muscles tightened there. I open his palm and takes out the ring from his hand that he has been clutching tightly all this while.

"I am not gonna wear that ring. Get me another." putting it aside on the window sill I leave him to his thoughts.

I don't understand my own self , what is wrong with me. Why am I suddenly feeling so revolted? Am I being protective about Kabir if I decide on giving one last try to save his happiness?

Aashna.

I feel so terrible. And that's how I deserve to feel after what I did to him.

Last night when I was sitting reminiscing in the memory of Kabir on his knees with the ring, the electricity went out and I heard a few knocks in the door downstairs. In my hurry to get down I had dropped the ring in darkness. So I started searching for it on the floor, touching and trying to find out. The knocks on the door was becoming consistent so I quickly wore the ring before I could lose it again. I hurried downstairs to open the door, wondering who would come this late in the night.

It was Kabir.

I let him go

Because I knew he could do better.

And now he's gone

I wonder

If I should've

Just been better.

I won. I did it. I was strong enough to not fall weak in front of him. I was successful in pushing him away from me and my ill fate.

I should be happy but how can I be. I don't feel victorious at all. I feel the emptiness building around me. Its like someone has played silence on full blast into my ears. I feel I have lost my everything. Him walking out of my door was like my heart walking along with him. Who is to be blamed other than me. I told him I didn't love him. And I feel a heavy weight of that lie over my heart.

I won't be able to endure this pain for long. I just wish Kabir got my message and would leave from here soon. I can't face him anymore.

I wish he wouldn't come after me like he did last four weeks. I remember him walking by my lane when I was sitting in front of my house to soak the sun heat.

He had smirked at me, his eyes pointedly stating at the locket I wore.

More than twice he had reminded me of our moments together or what did I feel then or sometimes it was just his taunts that pained me.

Sometimes when he used to chase me , it felt like I just got out of a thick fog, trying to find my footage after being disoriented.

I know I was hurting him but when he bit back hurt himself, I was the one who got hurt more. So after giving him the final blow yesterday if he still comes after me, I wouldn't be able to bear. If he doesn't go now, I'm afraid i'll never be able to let him go.

Why is life so unfair. He was not made with an exit sign on his heart but I left before he could even say goodbye. And this regret will eat me for the rest of my life. I let my tears fall more as I remember last night when he said he loved me. Oh I could feel his heart beat like it was my own. I have never told him how much I loved him. And guess god never wanted me to tell him.

I now believe not every story has an end. Some just stop in between like ours did.

Why all bad things were destined to be in my life god? How many days and nights I would have to spend like this crying and pitying myself.

I cry badly biting on my own hand to stifle the sounds. I feel so bad, its like my soul has been cursed and someone is breaking it into pieces like those logs of wood.

I need my mom. She knows it all. I want to just hide in her embrace so that I can feel less guilty. They went yesterday and I hope they return soon.

As I wipe my running nose with my handkerchief, I hear the doorbell.

I run downstairs in full speed, expecting mum. So I am about to launch myself at her but I stop myself on seeing Aarohi standing at my door. I am surprised to find her here, her usual calm seems to have escaped.

"Why did you break his heart?" The first thing she says when I open the door is this. accusations, ah I needed this badly.

"Aashna, you did a great mess and now I am the one to clean it."

She tells me and I frown at her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean why can't you accept a man like Kabir?"

"Sorry?" I say narrowing my eyes. Is she going to tell me now whom should i keep in my life and whom i shouldn't.

"I don't want to interfere much, but as far as my instincts tell me, you both love each other then why are you complicating things?"

She looks frustrated and I know what caused her here to come. I actually am happy that Kabir is finally over with me.

I just smile though it kills me from the inside.

"Go home Aarohi. Congratulations. I wish you both live happily ever after."

I stay sweet on the outside but there's bitterness tailing with my empty words. She doesn't budge and keeps on glaring at me. I stand there in my door and after a minute or two Aarohi finally averts her gaze and sighs.

"Fine. Be it this way."

"Were you here to beg for another chance for him?" I lick my lips as I ask her this and she again glares at me muttering a 'goodbye' and walking away.

I smile at her back, she is indeed a nice girl and I can tell she will take good care of my Kabir.

Just Kabir. I have lost the right to call him mine. I twitch my mouth closing my eyes to keep them from watering.

Why am I even alive?

It would have been better if I died. I slides down the door, hugging myself and burying my face in my lap.

There is no one I can take my worries to. No body who would understand. I am so directionless right now. I am homeless. I am losing it all.

I can hear my Cellphone ring inside my house but I can't bring myself to move. I am still breathing but I am dead. I am nomore. Nowhere.

Nothing.

Dissolving into pain and regret.

That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

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Wassup lovelies? How's it going ?
Hope the new year brings us all, blessings from god.

Thank you so much for waiting for the update, my exams are over so I might update twice in a week or so😉🙈 but only if you guys shower the love.

What do you think about recent events which took place in #TheBrewersGirl ? Do write in the comments below.

Love always,
Sue 💙💙