||~~The Brewer's Girl~~||

👼Real effort👼

☺Chapter 29☺

❤Dedicated to Anarnshrina7 guys do follow her and support her story - In Love with Mr. Trouble❤

Kabir.

"Put your steps correctly Vladimir" Lily chides Vladimir as they walk side by side, followed by me.

"how does it matter if I walk this way or that way?" Vladimir with his dumb face frowns at his own footwork as he walks.

"You're such a giant feet, watch out and walk like a man, not like a child!" Lily rolls her eyes at him and he pouts which makes me smile in ridiculousness.

"You love that giant feet babe" he winks at her and they keep on with their usual banter while walking, being Lily and Vladimir, they're more than funny. I would have laughed my ass off in any other situation. But my thoughts are on a far away flight to the past.

Its been nine months that I have returned to Bhopal, in those same lanes I found my love and lost it too.

In those nine months, my life has changed drastically. It fell hard on me that I was no more able to earn from my passion. I was running out of money and applying for other jobs I could do without having to shoot. But that wasn't easy as all.

Now being at this stage of my life I think back to all those times my dad told me I should find any government job, join his buisness or study something else which would support me throughout my life.

But I was always driven by my passion, I always believed in myself and I worked so damn hard to go abroad and earn. I love photography, but it is like some one just sucked all of my passion away.

And I have a vague idea what caused it. But I can't really blame it on anybody else. My life has turned so dull and I had a hard time switching from one job to another last eight months.

Only last month I became stable enough to live and earn. They had a huge project coming to them at studio, so they found something for me to do as well. Now I attend several workshops and I share with them, all those ideas I ever had, all those creative uppercases I dreamt of doing, now I am telling them to this new company working with us.

Basically I am selling them my own ideas. How I wished to work on them myself with all the love I had to pour. But I have nothing to give now, so I am forced to sell them 'Me- Kabir Malhotra' and earn for a living. They pay me really well.

Now that I am stable enough to support a family, its time I get married.

I had no intentions to visit here, in Bhopal. My marriage is also happening back at my home in Chandigarh. But it was Lily who dragged me here because she wanted to meet Aashna.

Okay! She didn't drag me. She just wanted to have her address so that she and Vladimir could visit her too while they come to attend my marriage.

And I the groom, who should be in Chandigarh right now is here in Bhopal with them, showing them the way to Aashna's house.

They would have easily traced the address to there, but a part of me wants to see her, know what is she like now and if she has been writing or not. Can't I want it?

I can.

but should I?

I sigh, shoving my both hands into my pant pockets and follow Lily and Vladimir. As they turn around the corner at Aashna's door, I whistle to have their attention.

"You guys go ahead, i'll just wait Here."

"Are you sure?" Vladimir confirms and I wink at him, taking support of the maghony wall to stand. My eyes on their own accord move upwards to notice this is the same wall on which I saw her for the last time. My gaze shoot towards Aashna's window and I find it closed. I grimace, my eyes finding their way to my new shoes. I bet if she would have been a part of my life right now, she would have fought over anything to wear these shoes. She loved my taste in them that much. So strange, Just like she closed all the doors to my heart, she has shut the window too so there is no way I can peek into her life.

I hear some excited voices and watch out in front of the house.

There she is!

Dressed in her patent jeans and white shirt, her hairs are tied in a tight ponytail and she looks so thin. Last time I saw her she was gaining weight. She looks just fine.

As she turns around I notice she is wearing glasses. They give her an edgier look. She is still so beautiful like she always was. Looking at her so happy, my heart fills up with a different amount of contentment. But a part of me is hurt that she has moved on from me so easily while I still wander like a lost soul.

Her smile as she hugs Lily, is so genuine and yet infectious, the one I loved the most.

I keep watching her as she talks , laughs and the way her eyes move in a gay fashion.

"What? Where are you leaving?" I hear Lily ask and its then I realize there is a big truck parked outside her house, the back of which is full of cardboard cartoons. She is leaving?

"Its your lucky day you're here, We're about to shift." She smiles and welcomes them inside her house. "C'mon meet Kukkie, she'll be delighted."

The ladies walk in and I assures Vladimir to go ahead and that i'll be fine this way. As he follows them inside I come out of my hiding place, stepping on the same spot she was standing a few moments ago. I close my eyes, facing the sun and letting the warmness wash over me as I try feeling a connect or something with her. Was all that really a lie? Didn't she love me ever? Is she married? Why is she shifting?

My eyes travel to the truck and I climb at its back, sitting there and letting my eyes wander on her stuff. Guess she is doing great in her life, unlike an unsuccessful photographer like me.

She is happy like she was once with me.

I feel tears itching my eyes as I sit in the back of this damn truck. All I want this moment is for it to start and take me far away from all this mess.

I don't want to face anyone. It is like someone just ripped open my old wound and it freaking hurts badly this time. How can she be so indifferent? After all she did to me, she still seems to be living her life fantastically.

And I on the other hand felt my insides dying the day I went away from her. I take a deep breath to calm myself and close my eyes, leaning back and supporting myself on my palms as I feel the winds.

My fingers feel something cool and metallic. I turn around and lean to take out the pendant type of material from the box. My eyes widen upon recognising it was the same locket I gave her last August I was here. I caress the letters snidely smiling at those words inscribed on it. 'A boy stole my heart' hah! You gave me a fake heart to play with Aashna. It burns inside me to still feel those emotions for you but knowing that you never did. It kills me.

Why? Why does she still have this locket with herself. I feel so sick on the inside. The heaviness of our relation in my heart keeps pushing me down and down till I can't breathe.

I jump out of the truck, landing on the street just in front of her house. I guess this is a lesson. I should leave behind my past before taking a step into future. My eyes wander over the door I walked out of last time and I swallow back the bile rising in my throat.

I take out the card from my coat pocket and leave it into one of the cardboard boxes kept in the truck. Clutching the locket tight in my hands, I keep it safely into my pant pockets and walk away from the lane I never want to visit again.

Aashna.

"I feel so bad guys, in some other time I would have given you a city tour atleast" I sigh as I stand to see Lily and Vladimir off. They tell me they have come for a second honeymoon to India and wanted to meet up with me too. I feel really happy that they still wants to be in touch with me even after knowing everything is over between me and Kabir.

"C'mon Aashna. Its no big deal sweetie" Lily hugs me and I smile at her warmly. Lily was the one who never left my side when I was dealing with the worst phase of my life. When I ran away from everyone she stayed close yet being so far. We always were connected online and I guess her coming to meet me in Bhopal was again a big step for our relation to grow close.

All those times when I was in denial I took a promise from her that she will not bring Kabir Malhotra between our talks and I did the same. I asked for my privacy, for her to not tell him anything about how I am doing. She kept her word and I am grateful she did.

Vladimir hugs me next and whispers in my ears, "what do you think we should make? A Jr. Lily or a Jr. Vladimir?"

I laugh out while hugging him and then I pat his back. "I am in team Vladimir."

Coming out of the hug I smile at him, "World needs more of you, who can make others laugh"

They smile back at me while I don't fail to notice Lily narrowing her eyes at him in a good fashion.

"We will miss you sweet hearts. Take care" they wave at kukkie and me. I sigh. Lily and Vladimir visiting me also brought so many memories of my times spent in Dublin with them.

With Kabir.

As I watch them walking away, I feel uneasy on the inside. I frown at this odd feeling.

"Di shall we rest for sometime and then resume packing?" Kukkie asks me and I nod at her.

"You go ahead, I'm coming" I reply to her but my mind is highly attuned to presence of something familiar in these winds I feel. I feel like this street, the walls, the gates creaking on the wind action, the leaves, all these things are talking to me of something I know of.

I am surprised to feel my heart rate elevating this moment. What is it?

Is it because I am going to leave this place and there are so many memories made here? Is it because I will miss this place a lot when I leave.?

But I have to leave. We're shifting to Pune because Kukkie now has an excellent job there. Plus there is Yash to keep my parents entertained. As for me, I have my own publishing house now and headquarters of which are based in Goa. I love my work. That keeps me sane. I drown all my attention into writing and helping others to do so.

Writing is like breathing.

And since I can't breathe-

so

I write.

I breathe in fresh air and my eyes catch something fluttering on the ground. I bend down on my knees and take baby steps under the truck to take out my old diary. How did it fall below the truck?

I dust off the cover and kiss it before placing it back in the cardboard box.

There it is again. This familiar yet unknown feeling of something or someone being here. Maybe I have been thinking a lot about things past months. And Lily and Vladimir coming to meet me today just pushed my limits I guess.

It has been nine months I pushed Kabir out of my life. And a lot has happened since then. After he left, One month of crying myself to sleep, few weeks of trying to harm myself physically and three concurrent days of attempting to end my life I was diagnosed to be hit by depression. It was a fall then. In last one year that I tried writing anything I have lost the ability to write after I went into a black hole of emptiness. It became a dream to be able to write again. I was losing myself completely, and my family was tired of my darkness. I became the wilder dark that spread negativity wherever she went. I caused bad things to happen to people , places and even non living things. Even in a bright sunlight all I would see was myself drowning in a dark pit and whirling into nothingness.

I couldn't face any of the people I knew or knew not of. I cut all my social contacts and kept myself locked up all day and night into my room.

My health was worsening day by day and at the end of the third month I ended up in the hospital. I began thinking I was going insane. Dad assigned a counsellor for me and I began feeling madder than I was already.

I felt like running away from everyone. That is when I contacted Lily, the only one whom I could trust and also fool her that I was fine. Because all of them I knew saw me as a sick person. But since Lily was an online contact I was able to behave myself with her.

In the fourth month I mostly healed because of Lily. And then I realized myself that dad did right. I needed some counselling.

So I started with my sessions because I understood I was worth living.

Help comes to those who seek it. Well it took me six months to fall and to rise again. I came out pretty good. I can't still say I am the better version of what I was once but yes I am doing just fine.

With doing fine, I wanted to improve myself. Also I was suggested that I should focus somewhere.

To take my mind off things I tried writing and that was the beginning. I struggled to write again.

I have shed a lot of pounds I gained because of my medical problem. And that is still stuck with me. But I have accepted my fate as it is. It still makes me sad and depressed about the idea of not being able to be in a healthy relationship with Kabir. The one and only I love.

There were few marriage proposals for me last month. One of them was good, my parents approved of it with all their heart and I could even see them thinking about marrying me off happily. But I couldn't bring myself to say yes.

I had to bear a lot of talks, scoldings and taunts for not agreeing to marry. They blamed me for being the reason my younger sister Kukkie couldn't be married off yet. I know Kukkie wants a love marriage and until it hits her she Won't marry. She is stubborn like me. I know Kukkie wants to build up a nice career for herself right now than to think about settling down with someone. But still I tried for her to talk to me.

With me being so distant, I have lost that bond with Kukkie I once used to have. I can not tolerate close relationships with anyone for that matter. Because I believe I will infect them with my dark too.

I tried imagining myself with someone, saw in my mind that i'm married and then what? Everything goes blank the moment I think about the sitting next to someone as his wife. I can't help but delete that image even before it is formed in my head.

I can't be someone's life partner. Because I couldn't be Kabir's. I can't marry anyone. I am marked with an ungrateful thing and no matter how much I try I will never be able to move on with anyone. I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life.

I close my eyes as my past flashforwards in my mind to the present. After a long time, these winds are talking to me something and I am helpless to understand what is it that is wanting my attention.

I open my eyes and close the cardboard box sighing and thinking about all the rest of the stuff which still needs to be loaded so that we can go ahead on the wheel. Pune calling.

Aarohi.

Tonight we'll be leaving for the marriage venue in Chandigarh. Finally I am getting married.

And it is a crazy feeling to think about sharing my entire life with someone. And someone so good as Kabir. I know he cares a lot for the people in his life and somewhere the events which took place has made him unconcerned with the goodness he should have been showing towards his fiance and that's me. But that's okay with me I guess. I will bring out the good in him if not best.

Next week we'll stand together at every turn of life as Life Partners. I am marrying the man I love and I couldn't be more happier.

I was missing my parents so to calm myself I went to my favorite temple not so far away from where I stay. I thanked my stars for blessing me with whatever I have with me.

It's a Beautiful evening with calm winds blowing my open hairs and the sun is bright red ready to set in few minutes.

"Shaam bhi koi....jaise hai nadi, Leher leher jaise beh rahi hai....

Koi ankahi....koi ansuni...baat dheemi dheemi keh rahi hai.."

I hum as I walk down the lane to my house happily. There is a crazy feeling about singing loud in the street when there is no one around.

I giggle to myself, feeling so complete in the inside. Then I hear footsteps behind me and my eyes widen in realization that I am not alone in the street.

"Aashna" I hear her name being spoken by the person behind me. I don't hate to hear this name, but the person I know to behold this name is definitely not in my favorite list. I heard a lot of things about Aashna in last few months.

My aunt tells me how she have heard Aashna went kinda insane and even took healing classes visiting doctors. Well I don't usually believe in the rumors spread in the society but guess it was true.

Last time I saw Aashna, she was walking by the lake and intentionally tried to drown herself in it. If it weren't for my jiju saving her, she would have lost her breathe.

I was really worried for her. After a week after that incident I even went to meet her and asked for any help I could offer. But she looked regretful and didn't want to see me.

After that I never saw her for months. My duty called me and I was always busy working and healing people. The least bit of free time I ever got, my sister and aunt dragged me in wedding preparations.

I feel a heavy presence behind me and as I inhale, the sweet fragrance flows in my system along with the winds. I can even recognize this perfume in my sleep.

"Hey Kabir! Its not Aashna, but Aarohi" turning around I smile at him. He looks moved and a little dazed. I wonder why he took Aashna's name.

"Ye gaana tum gaa rahi thi?" (Were you singing the song?") He asks me and I show him the grace to be embarrassed about it.

"Haa kyu?" (Yes why?) I stare at his well built self. Every cell in my body is bursting with happiness in this moment. I obviously missed seeing him and wanted to meet him. He has never been on a video call with me even after me pestering him a lot. Seeing him after so many months is both making me excited and nervous to behave around him.

"Kuch nahi" he frowns and sighs looking ahead on the street into the setting sun. The red glow of the sun reflects on his fair skin and I feel for the first time in my life that science should fail. That time should stop so that I can keep on watching him. I was wanting to meet him, but I never expected to meet him sooner than I thought.

"Kabir what are you doing here?" I lean my head to one side to catch his eye, but his eyes are hovering everywhere else excluding at me.

He clears his throat and I purse my lips. I dread the answer already.

His guilty eyes than meet mine and he sighs again. "I don't want to lie to you Aarohi. I was here to see Aashna."

Why am I not surprised? I knew all this while that he hasn't moved on from her yet. But I could not help asking him, "did you meet...?"

"No"

But even before I could complete my question he answered, "no, I couldn't."

I nodded pursing my lips and his gaze was careful over me. I let my eyes wander elsewhere to end this awkwardness between us.

"There he is!" We hear a woman speak behind us and I glance back at a foreign couple coming towards our way.

"we've been looking for you buddy" the man who looks in his thirties, calls out to Kabir. I guess they are his guests so I looks at them curiously.

Kabir shrugs and gestures towards them, "these are my friends Lily and Vladimir from Dublin and guys she's Aarohi, my fiancé"

I smile acknowledging his friends but my inner conscious lady is literally dancing in my heart. I felt a sense of proud and a warm feeling swirl inside me the moment Kabir introduced me as his fiance. It is so good and new to hear from his mouth.

"God bless! You're beautiful" the foreign man compliments me. I suppose his name was Vladimir or Valdimir? I can't really remember it well upon hearing it just for once.

"Thank you" I thank him good naturedly.

The woman gives me a pleasant smile and then winks at Kabir, "you couldn't even wait for a week Kabir? You guys are going to marry next week and you still wanted to see her?"

"Can't I want it?" Kabir shrugs and I look at him in surprise. I know the truth why he is here but having him say this even for granted makes me delighted and the color rises in my cheeks.

I don't hear what they are talking about, I just watch Kabir as his eyes gleam in the sunset light. He looks so relaxed when he is talking to his friends. But I am far far away from relaxing. My heartbeats are on a marathon.

I don't know why but I am somehow proud of Kabir. He was wronged by the woman he loved. He once told me he had issues with the job he had so life must have seemed like a real effort to get through for him. But now he has become stable again, eventhough his heart is not with wholly into this marriage he is still giving in to be a Man! He is trying to rise and that is why I admire him like I do.

I wonder if I would have been in his place, what would have I done? Kabir on the other hand is really strong, but he is not aware of it.

"ouch!" My zone out session comes to an end and I look upon Vladimir looking horrifically at his arm.

"A mosquito just bit me! Bloody creature!"

He is such a dramatic man! Kabir and Lily chuckles over him and I am about to do the same but then I realize its late, the sun has half gone down the horizon and the streetlights are already out.

"I am so sorry for being a bad host, please come" I invite them and lead the way to my home.

"Er..actually our luggage is at the hotel" Lily says and I assure her that i'll have someone bring them before we leave for Chandigarh tonight.

Kabir walks beside me and I feel his arm brush mine. He noticeably make a good distance between us and then speaks, "Thank you Aarohi"

"For what? If they are you're friends then that means they're mine too right?" I smile at him hoping he would get the message that after we tie the bond, what's his is going to mine too.

I realize with pain that I can't really say the same for his heart though.

💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

*click on the screen and hit the star at the bottom of your screen to vote*

Ain't I becoming good at updating quicker? 👅 haha
But nazar lag gayi , my college is starting tomorrow so I will be getting busy again.
So from twice a week updating we are back to our weekend updating criteria.

Hope you all are doing good in your lives, let me know your thoughts on this update in the comments. And don't forget to vote.

Love always,
Sue ❤