||~~The Brewer's Girl~~||

👼That little nudge👼

☺Chapter - 41☺

Dedicated to Coffeeholicme11 for writing a fanfic on Kabir and Aashna! All the Kash shippers, this story Lovebite is a must read! Make sure you add it to your reading lists.  Here is the link:
https://my.w.tt/z9D86vtfk

Or you can find the story in my current reads.

Aarohi.

Kabir is late again. Now I am so used to his late appearances every night that I don't mind eating alone. It gets lonely and I'm upset whenever he is late, I've expressed my dislike to him but what am I supposed to do if the person doesn't listen or even want to change for that matter. I let the last bite of my food go down my throat and walk with the empty dishes into the kitchen. Today I had an early shift at the hospital and was so looking forward to spend some time with Kabir but when is he ever free? Coming home late at night when I am half exhausted half asleep and then locking himself in that garage turned gym in the early hours of the morning, I don't even get to sit and talk with him properly since I leave for the hospital when the sun rises. They talk about their loving husbands at the hospital, sometimes they'd even tease me of my married life and all I'd do is give a fake smile. Because sure Kabir and me has taken our friendship forward and its true at a time that was all what I asked for, but living alone here and having my husband the only one as my go to person in this country, is it wrong to want some love?

I sigh as I hear the front door getting unlocked. Quickly washing my hands, I prepare his food re warming them in the microwave.

"Kabir you're home?"

I ask, my back facing him as I set the timer on the microwave.

"Hmm" his deep voice rumbles from the hall and I turn around to see he is slumped on the sofa. With his shoes on! I widen my eyes. "Kabir take your shoes off for god's sake!" I watch in horror at his unmoving body, afraid of the furniture getting spoilt. After half a minute he finally takes off his shoes and my eyes glare at the floor all the way from where he came.I shut my eyes thinking about the time It'd take to wipe those footprints tomorrow morning.

I've suggested to him that we should keep a maid but he still thinks it's unaffordable. I have told him a dozen times that It's not only on him to earn and support us, we're in this together but then I refrained from pushing him on this further.

I watch his tired figure get up and walk up to me. He really looks all ruffled up, his eyes slightly red and his tongue keeps coming out to swipe on his lips every few seconds as he walk into the kitchen. What's up with his stance? I frown to myself as I turn around to take the food out of the microwave.

"I hope you have some place left in your stomach even if you've already eaten outside. Today I came home early so thought I'd make your favourite spinach rice."

"Have you eaten?" he asks in his raspy voice and I feel his arms go around me as he back hugs me. He has never done that by himself. Is he really that much tired? My actions halt as he rests his chin on my right shoulder. And then it hits me, the maddeningly sick smell of Alcohol.

"Kabir!"

"Stay like this for a minute please!" he pleads and I take few deep breaths to calm myself. What even is he doing?

"Kabir are you drunk?" I hold his arms wrapped around me and unclasp them to turn around. My eyes scanning him from head to toe.

"Why are you in such a state? What caused it?" I ask, concern evident in my voice and he flinches. His Adam's apple bobs up and down under his throat and I scowl at him.

"Kabir? Look me in the eye and tell me!" I hold him through his shoulders as he starts chuckling. Great!

"What's there to tell?" His eyes meet mine and I see a storm in them, mixed with desperation and betrayal.

"You had a meeting today right? Kya hua?" I prompt and he chuckles again.

Really? He is going to behave like this now? I mean why this has to be the day that he loses his mind. I have seen him drunk on many occasions but not as bad as he is tonight.

He falls to his knees with a saddened expressions and I sigh.

"It's not happening Aarohi! They didn't like my work! I can't do anything."

I sit beside him on the kitchen floor and shake my head looking deep into his eyes. "No Kabir! You can! Don't deny your talents. So what they didn't like your work now, they will in the future and you will make them regret their decision."

He chuckles and I cradle his face in my hands. "Strive for perfection Mr. Photographer" I raise my eyebrows at him, trying to convince him about the magic he holds.

It is very important to not let people sink and stop believing in themselves. But even so Kabir got rejected today, it wasn't his first rejection in the work field. Why is he so affected by it? Is it the only reason for his misery tonight that he drank so much?

"Nobody stays Aarohi. Nobody loves me or my work." He whispers, his state all broken, wet eyes and suddenly the vibes are so depressing. In the dim lights I sit holding his face and he repeats things again and again that he is not worthy of anything and starts chuckling full of sarcasm.

I can't find any other way to sooth him so I hug him with all my might, trying to share the warmth that I have.

"I do Kabir. I stay and I love you. I do think you will shut all of their mouths when you Rise up, I know you are the perfect guy and all these imperfections will soon vanish with your strong intent to grow and channelize yourself." I rub his back and he holds on to me as if his life depends on it. He doesn't say anything, doesn't make any sounds but I can feel my shoulder getting wet, I can hear the inaudible sobs that he otherwise buries in the back of his throat. Why are you testing him God? Why my Man? He is so full inside, hiding his emotions not letting them go that now it suffocates him. These are the times that I feel helpless, as if I am lacking in something for the first time in my life. A grimace settles on my face as I squeeze his back.

He comes out of the hug, his face still so close to me. His eyes question me why do I believe so much in him?

I can see a never fading pain in his eyes as if he is cursed. I can see that fear rising in him whenever he stumbles on his way up. I can see the lonesome crazy person that he has been get more lonely and trying to move on. I can see a constant battle that runs inside his head to win, a tug of war in his heart between the control that he needs to find and the uncontrollable chaos that he wants to be surrounded by. "You're a handsome mess of a man and yet I want to keep loving you. If that's the reason you'd buy, be it." His eyes which were floating in anguish recognizes my honesty and captivates my soul. I touch his face, so close to mine that I can already taste the alcohol in the air that we're breathing. His hand hesitantly slides up from my shoulder to frame my neck and in this moment a current runs down my spine, my body evoking a static energy to him. I close my eyes feeling a mad mixture of warmth and cold as the goosebumps stand inclining towards his touch. I feel him move his face forward, our breaths mingling with each other in a slow dance. This is the moment I can't even manage to move. The time has stopped for the first time in my life, my heart flutters like it has never before and my toes curl on the cold kitchen floor. Behind me is a cabinet and I rest my free hand at it with all the pressure I can. I don't want this moment to break ever. I have waited for so long, for him to consider my emotions, for him to do something for me as I do for him, for him to reciprocate my feelings, for him to move on and take our relationship forward and for him to start liking me at least if not love. I sit with bated breath, the wait getting unbearable as I anticipate for the warmth that's going to strike and release me from the cold I have endured all of this time that he had ever talked about his past love life.

But I wait and wait, and I don't think he is going to move. For ofcourse there must be another battle going on in his heart right now. Is it going to be so easy for him? To get into this?

I open my eyes, my hear hammering inside my chest. His eyes are shut tightly, he is breathing through his mouth, I can see it's hard for him. My eyes gather up the sight of his free hand, fisted so tightly that all the blood has flown away, paling his skin.

For once will you not think about yourself Aarohi? I ask myself as I earnestly gaze at his lips. Do I want this? If I do then i'll have to do something about it. It has always been like that between Kabir and me. He goes for the kill but then something will manage to stop him always. Until just at the right moment he gets a push from me, and he soars high.

His tongue swipes over his lips again and I feel my body burning, the sensations surging inside me already. This is my moment, it's now or never. So I give him a little push this time around as well. I brush my lips to his lightly, closing the gap between us. The hand I had placed on the cabinet behind me comes to rest on his chest. I tap there twice as if knocking on that little space that he has made for me in his heart all this while. Will he just open the door for me?

My eyes close as I move my lips against his again. I can feel his heart accelerating beneath my hand on his chest.

I open my eyes when he doesn't kiss me back. His eyes are still closed. I guess he needs his space so I create the space between us that I can grant him now.

"Don't hide" I probe and he finally opens his eyes. I see the desire fighting his inner conscious in his eyes. It's a war in there that he has been hiding from me. A war that's meant to cause destruction. Am I ready for this? My heart picks up a pace because it is clear in his eyes what he intends to do. There is a finality to give us a chance in those ever so unsure orbs. I glance at his hand, the blood back with its color as he has unfisted his hand. I hold it and place it on my heart, to let him know what he does to me. And as soon as I do it, I don't get time to think more, Kabir has moved forward at the speed of light and captured my lips. Maybe that's the push that he needed. I close my eyes in bliss as my back hit the cabinet behind me, his body covering mine, his hand crushing my hand in its hold and his extremely heady aura consuming my whole existence. His lips are devouring and I fight back with equal fervor. It's out of the world from what I had always imagined to what kissing Kabir Malhotra would be like. It's not gentle, not soothing,not smooth but an intoxicating mix of need, pain and a bit of anger. But he is all conveying it to me. Maybe there is something called love and apologies too in his kiss, for me. But my mind doesn't really function well when my hot husband is kissing me for the first time. And for once I don't even want to think or to keep my feelings in check. I want to let loose and live in the moment. I want him to know and understand this for now and forever that I love him and that I'd always stick by come what may! My hands reach at the back of his neck and he slows down his pace to a sober touch. But he doesn't break the moment and I cup his face taking things slow and smoothly for both of us. My stance is comforting and he relaxes from the stiffness that he has been carrying in himself all this while.

I feel my cheeks getting wet but I am not the one who is crying. We both come out of the moment with that, badly out of breath.

His tears just flow and I let him cry. For he has just fought a large battle in his heart and these tears are just the evidence left from the war. He sobs more and I let him.

I want him to let go all of it tonight. To just accept his destiny. I want him to not act as strong as he thinks he should be and just fall apart in front of me. So that we both put the pieces back in the way we want.

His huge arms engulf me in his arm, him burying his face in my neck and my hands just stroking his hairs to calm him. There got to be something so wrong that he couldn't hold it in himself tonight.

Maybe, just maybe if he remembers the kiss tomorrow, he will probably get upset with himself because I understand him as a person now. I need to prepare myself for the regret that I am to face tomorrow in his eyes.

I push back the thought and focus on him. He stands up with my help and I walk him to our bedroom. Letting him lie down, I caress his face and sit with him while he holds my hand, his eyes closed and a calmness shining on his face.

"Don't leave me ever Aa..." he mumbles in his sleep but I shut his mouth with my finger. "Shh.....sleep Kabir, mai kaha jaaungi"

"Hmm" he smiles and I shake my head at him lovingly. I can still feel his touch on my lips as I purse them. Where would I be if not here? I think and stare at him from a long time. When his grasp loosens up on my hand I am aware that he is soundly sleeping. I stand up and walk to his legs, rolling out his socks and tossing them in the basket across from me.

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'I'll always be beside you.' When I'd whispered those words to you my love, I had no idea of the day that I'd have to leave you forever. For even a thousand years would not be enough for me to love you. There were times when I chose what I wanted like that night when we first kissed. But when you had found a new reason to live again, I don't think that you were living at all. And hence for the last time, the only thing that I can do for you is to think about your happiness and leave. For if I don't, then I'll never be able to forgive myself and I know more than me it'd hurt you. I am sorry Kabir, but I can't stay, it's too late and if I decide to be beside you, it'd kill me anyway to snatch away both of our happiness at the same time. I'd no longer be your push and you'll go ruin yourself if I'm myself not in the right mind. I don't want to bear the guilt, I don't want to be a person as horrible as I badly wish to. I know our relationship swung like a pendulum from disastrous to fair, but try forgiving me for leaving you? And if not then please try taking care of yourself and what I'm entrusting you with. If you ever loved me then I know you will. Because I have done my part and just this once I'd say why I am doing what I am doing.

Because simply I love you.

Aarohi Kabir Malhotra (did I tell you I loved myself a little more because of this identity ;))

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Hey, supp people? There are a lot of thoughts that I instilled in this update so I am hoping my words reached your heart just as they did to mine.

Please tell me in the reviews what you all think. Don't forget to vote and read "Lovebite" first ever fan fiction on my characters!😭😍 overwhelmed!

Thank you Tweetie, Coffeeholicme11 for Lovebite and for the banner for this update. Lots of Love.❤

I love all of you guys as well who'll stick to this story I'm sure. 😘

Love always,
Sue👻