||~~The Brewer's Girl~~||

👼Treasures👼

☺Chapter 28☺

❤Dedicated to daydreamerr17 . guys do follow her and support her story - Love is not forbidden. ❤

Kabir.

Can love disappear over time? If a person loves someone so sincerely, then how can love fade away just like that? What would I have not given or done for her? what did I lack?where did I went wrong I still don't understand. It has been exactly 7 months 6 days 6 hours to that unforgettable moment of my life when I lost her. And the funny thing is I wanted to grab her with all my might, but she willingly stepped away from me without giving me any fair reason behind her actions. All she did was to lie. She said she didn't ever loved me and after all these months I still find it hard to believe. Didn't she love me when she accepted to my marriage proposal? Didn't she love me when she said I'm her home? Didn't she love me ever god?

It was very heartbreaking to hear her say that and I had eloped till here with all my pain. I won't be able to pick any of her pieces together,she is all over the place, all over my heart and all over my life. She is and forever will be that part of my life I would never be able to detach. I've agreed to move on and also gave my consent for the marriage. Aarohi is my parents choice and I can trust them with my life. They knows me better and will always want the best for me.

As for me, I can't come to terms with the saying 'trust your instincts' because I have lost faith in myself. Aashna was my choice and what happened? It all ended up in flames, our relation, US and the heart. Its all a mess and I can't trust myself anymore, so I have to leave it to my family.

I'll just live on.

If only her memories wouldn't haunt me every passing day, it would have been easier to move ahead with my life.

Flashback.

I was walking down the lane to her door, setting my mind to persuade her and weaving our beautiful future together. But I didn't know then that my heart was going to be twisted so badly.

When after knocking for several times she didn't open the door, my heart had throbbed nervously. The electricity was out so I damned the doorbell, hitting over that and turning back facing the door. I could see myself and Aashna standing in front of the same gate in the summer time from one and a half year before. That's when I saw her for the first time and knew that my life was going to change. It did.

And I wondered if that night would also bring a Beautiful beginning to us. If only I had better procrastination.

"You?" I had turned around to find Aashna standing perplexed on her door. "What are you doing here?"

"what took you so long to open the door, Aashna?" She had rolled her eyes at me upon hearing my question and I found her so cute with her hairs tied in a bun on top of her head and her pajamas on. I had missed seeing her like this at home.

"Look I told you I don't want to see you, what do you want now?" Her eyes were accusing me of something but I could only smile to be able to look at her face again. Her acnes were increasingly consuming her skin and I could see how her health was affected.

When I didn't say anything and kept looking at her worriedly she was about to close the door on my face. Instead of stopping her I let her close that door, chuckling at her cuteness, unexpectedly surprising myself. I guess my mind was diluted with the drink I consumed.

I was waiting for her to open the door again and she did, looking worriedly at me and that was the moment I thought everything would be great between us again and we would again be happy together.

"Why don't you see me nowadays Aashna? Don't you miss me?" I had voiced my question that I've been dying to ask her and I had seen her eyes close for a split second before she started pushing me away as I tried to enter her house.

"I didn't allow you to get in Kabir! Get out of here!" I was playing in dangerous waters but I had to confront her that night. "You're drunk Kabir, get out I said!" she had shrieked when I had closed the main door and I held her hand in mine making her quite.

"I am not so drunk to be not in my senses Aashna."

I could see she was getting frustrated, her frown forming few V's between her eyebrows.

"What do you want?" She was trying to get out of the grip I had on her.

"I want answers. Proper ones."

"Leave me Kabir, you'll ruin it!" her eyes were tearfully pained, her pain that radiated throughout my body.

"Give answers to all my why's Aashna.why can't I hold you close to me? Why can't you and I be together again? Why are you doing this to us, don't push me away Aashna, please."

"You're touch is hurting me Kabir, leave me please!" She had said, her eyes brimming with tears and I could also sense her voice shake.

I had left her hand, maintaining a distance and giving her space.

"Leave!" She kept whispering for few seconds and then looked right through me. It was hurting me to have her look at me like that.

She wasn't even ready to look into my eyes and see the pain, there were no emotions in her eyes that I could recognize after I left her hand. It was like she was tearful but neutral telling me to leave her like I left her hand.

But I have had enough.

"I ain't gonna go anywhere Aashna. Now you tell me what is up with you damn it!" I had punched at the wall at the side of her head and her eyes met mine, with the same yearning I had been seeing from a month I'm after her. But like all those times she was quick to hide it and all I was left to see was the indifference in her eyes again.

"Don't you raise your voice at me standing under my roof Kabir! You hear me very clearly now! I do not want you! I do not want to be with you again! You were a mistake Kabir and I regret that I told you I feel the same way for you but I never did! You hear me? Leave me alone I am not interested in you! Is it so hard to believe?"

Her hands pressured against my chest and she was finally successful pushing me away.

"yes..." my voice had come out in a whisper, " yes it's hard to believe, why do you lie to me so much?" I shot at her directly, hoping for her to weaken up and fall that fake strong built resolve of hers.

"I have said what I wanted to and I guess that should be your answer you have come for. C'mon its late, leave."

She was about to open the door but I closed it again with a loud thud. I was appalled at her.

🎶🎶🎵Tu jo nazron ke saamne kal hoga nahi
Tujhko dekhe bin main
Mar na jaaun kahin🎶🎶🎵

"I love you Aashna" I had told her in clear words, looking straight into her eyes and that time she didn't avert her eyes. I waited for the indifference in her eyes to go away again and for her to open up. I wanted us to be together again and to hear her laughter that always made me feel shivers invoke my spine.

But mostly I wanted to hear an 'I love you too'.

I didn't wanted anything else than to hear she reciprocated the same I felt towards her. I wanted to hear her say it quitely as if to show she wasn't saying it for anyone's else pleasure, but my own. I wanted to hear her say it loudly as if she was proud for the whole world to hear about us.

I then realized with a tut.

I wanted to hear her say it screw if it was loudly or quietly.

I closed the distance between us, hoping that this distance between our hearts would finish too. I wanted to hug her and tell her how much I cared, how much I wanted us to be together, how much I needed her like a breathe to live. But she was being very stone hearted then. She had pushed me away harshly, nodding her head in no as tears slipped down her cheeks. I wanted to hold her face and kiss those tears away but my heart burned in that moment she was pushing me away. It was like something valuable slipping away from my hands, it was like I am running hard after a train and just when I thought I am close enough to catch it, I miss it. I was feeling very heavy and my eyes closed giving way for the tears to slip by.

🎶🎶🎵Tu jo nazron ke saamne kal hoga nahi
Tujhko dekhe bin main
Mar na jaaun kahin🎶🎶🎵

"Enough!" my eyes searched hers and my heart felt the pain as her glare pierced my pitiful state.

"I don't love you. This isn't a lie. I don't want to see you even. Don't you dare come again behind me at the library or in the market.i don't want you in my life. Go away Kabir. Just go!" Her every word stabbed me hard and I could feel my heart withering and fighting to live. My shoulders slumped and I had fallen down on my knees holding the back of the door. My eyes pleaded for her to stop saying those hurtful words but she didn't stop. She had taken out the ring I gave her and threw at me shouting that she didn't want to carry the weight of our memories together and that she didn't ever wanted me and didn't wish to see me again.

I heard all of her words clearly and even though my soul burned I couldn't move. I watched as the platinum ring I gave her spinned on the carpet, the low shrilly sound coming to an end as it rested on the floor. I covered it with my palm and fisted it in between tightly. I wanted to feel more hurt and pain than her words caused me. But who was I kidding, in all those years I have lived of my life, what Aashna did with me was the most terrible of all.

"Don't break my heart Aashna, you live there." I had whispered in my throat clogging voice. It was getting hard for me to bear the unexpectedness of how strongly she said she didn't want me.

🎶🎶Tujhko bhool jaaun kaise
Maane na, manaaun kaise?
Tu bata...🎶🎶

"Go away!" she kept telling me and I don't even know how I found the strength to get up again. I gritted my teeth together and opened the door to walk away from her life. She didn't wanted me so be it.

🎶🎶Roke na ruke naina
Teri ore hai inhe toh rehna
Roke na ruke naina...🎶🎶

"Don't push me away and then wonder where I went" I glanced at her for the last time but she was looking elsewhere. She couldn't even bear my presence for a single second.

"There's no place for you anywhere near me. Don't forget it." She had muttered in a low voice that was very very rude. I didn't ever hear her speak like she did to me that night.

"I won't forget" I won't forget, I had said to myself more than to her as I walked out of her door wiping away the tears that hung at the corner of my eyes.

Well speaking like that wasn't the only thing she did which was unexpected for me. She broke my heart that night and it was unbearably hard for me to let go.

🎶🎶🎵Haathon ki lakeerein do milti jahaan hai
Jisko pata hai bata de
Jagah woh kahaan hai🎶🎶🎵

I walked past her house gate staring at the road where we first met and moments spent with her ran like a fast forward movie in the back of my mind. I knew I was getting out of her life but she wouldn't ever be leaving my thoughts.

I lent all my buried up emotions on the stones that came in my way, kicking them away on my way. As I turned around the corner I saw the window to her room was open and wondered what would she be doing after turning my world upside down. I wondered if she would miss me or would she ever cry remembering our times together.

I had fisted my hands tighter than before feeling the metal ring's coldness. There was so much for us to explore together then why did it had to happen god! I had looked up to her window and to the sky which was summer storm gray.

My eyes lingered on the house across from Aashna's, the light from her window casting on the opposite wall.

🎶🎶🎵Ishq mein jaane kaisi ye bebasi hai
Dhadkano se milkar bhi dil tanha hai
Doori main mitaun kaise?
Maane na, manaaun kaise?
Tu bata...🎶🎶🎵

In that yellow light of her room casted on the wall I saw her for the last time in my life till now. It was her shaking shadow, I could see her elbow resting on something, and her head bowed down on it as her whole frame shook. I smiled bitterly, if she thought breaking my heart would make her happy then she was certainly wrong. Why did she do it if she didn't wanted to cry. I tried steering my eyes away from her shadow but I couldn't. A part of me wanted to just stand there and soak in her every last bit of sight I could get. My hands on their own accord had crept in my pocket to take out my cellphone and my hands shook while capturing at the dark wall with yellow light and her shadow standing in the middle, her hairs were free from the bun she had made then. Her sight was so captivating eventhough it was just her frame I could see, I wanted for time to just stop so that I could keep on watching her.

🎶🎶🎵Roke na ruke naina
Teri ore hai inhe toh rehna
Roke na ruke naina..🎶🎵🎶

Flashback ends.

I sigh watching the starry night from my balcony. The very same where we seldom sat together to stargaze. But now things are changed. I hate the stars because I look at the same ones as she does, without her.

Glancing at her last picture that I shot in my cellphone, I twitch my mouth. This is not only her last picture that I shot but the last picture that I ever shot.

🎶🎶🎵Kaat'ta hoon laakhon lamhein
Kat'te nahin hain
Saaye teri yaadon ke
Hat'te nahin hain🎵🎶🎶

Everything has turned so barren in my life since she left. I can no more call myself a photographer because its not just working for me anymore. I am not able to hold the camera and click effortlessly like I did before. Whatever I do, I am not confident enough of my own decisions or actions. Everyday I visit my studio in the hope of creating something new, but I fail to do a thing. I just wander like a tormented soul making my colleagues worried about me. For the first time in my career I have been proving so unproductive.

It has been hard for me to live away from my mom and dad but I can't call them here. Its like I badly need someone but at the same time I want to keep myself aloof from everyone. The only one for whom my heart still yearns is Aashna but I don't even know how is she doing now. I myself has cut all contact from her, Kukkie or even yash. But this connect that my soul had with hers is still deeply felt by me.

Peter was just the person I looked forward to meet when I needed some brotherly talks but he went to the states for an year or so to his cousin. Lily has been understanding a lot about our situation, she told me she tried reaching Aashna and that they have talked but Aashna denies to chat if Lily brings my subject. And it hurts me to know that she can't even tolerate talking about me. And on the other hand I am still stuck on her. Why!

I stare at the picture on my phone screen and close my eyes.

Upon closing my eyes too I see her.

There she is again, with her innocent eyes staring at me contemplating about my next move. I sigh and open my eyes again, staring ahead into the crack of the dawn.

Some memories never leave your bones

Like salt in the sea; they become

Part of you

And you carry them.

🎶🎶🎵Sookh gaye hain aansu teri judai ke
Palkon se phir bhi baadal
Chhant'te nahin hain

Khudko main hasaaun kaisi
Maane na, manaaun kaise?
Tu bata...🎶🎶🎵

I walk back into my room closing the door of the balcony and my feet on their own accord leads me to my closet, to the extra space where I decorated my world, to the place that I call my temple, its where I worship her.

I stare with longing at all her photographs sticking on the walls. somewhere she is laughing, throwing her head back and her eyes narrowing to slits, somewhere she is trying to cover her face, stopping me to click at her, somewhere she is caught wide eyed at being shot, somewhere she is just staring at me in a selfie and I wonder wasn't it love when she used to gaze at me ever so lovingly.

There are so many photos of her and each night I try hard to put down one among them. Its like I am taking tiny steps to erase her memories from my life. I smirk in sarcasm, as if taking down her photos are going to make me forget her. I detach a photograph of her from the wall in which she is sleeping peacefully. Being away from me I wonder is she is able to sleep like that every night.

🎶🎶🎵Roke na ruke naina
Teri ore hai inhe toh rehna
Roke na ruke naina..🎶🎶🎶

My lips curve upwards in a smile as I am left gazing at her photo. My small treasures of happiness are only these pictures of her and I never can crush them or burn them. I am just taking them down for Aarohi's sake. She is the girl who knows everything I went through and that I have nothing to give her in return but yet she agreed to marry me.

It has been 7 months we're engaged. She calls me once or twice in a week and I am being such a cold heart to not call her ever. She had even asked me once that don't i feel like calling her? Because she feels like calling me everyday. But she knows that would be too much for me.

I can't bring myself to play all happy couple when we're not.

I am slowly deteriorating into nothing but insanity without Aashna. She's so out of reach. Its like I am drowning and fighting hard to come to the surface and breathe.

Then there's Aarohi, she is a good person though. She likes keeping it light and surprisingly I find myself hearing her actually when she talks about her work or the preparations going on back at home or sometimes just snide comments at my lack of enthusiasm. Other times I don't really listen to what is being said to me, but Aarohi somehow makes me hear her. She knows it all what I feel like but I guess she is playing innocent to settle things. I wonder if that will ever be settled; Stuff going on with my heart.

She will be coming here with me leaving all her loved ones behind.Why is she doing such a huge thing for me?

Why doesn't she marry someone who would love her back?

Why me?

Guess just like me, she too wants to trust her family's choices.

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

*click on the screen and hit the star at the bottom of your screen to vote*

I love this song #RokenaRukeNaina , composed by favorite music composer Amaal Mallik. Were you guys able to imagine it on Kabir's heartbreak?

Tell me your thoughts in the comments below, and I know wattpad is currently having issues, so i'll wait patiently to hear from you all 😘

Love always,
Sue 💞