||~~The Brewer's Girl~~||

👼The Harp👼

☺Chapter - 39☺

❤Dedicated to amityadav96 . Hope you like it, Belated happy birthday❤

Aashna.

"Fudge. What is my life!" I drop myself on the bed. Yash follows me into my room.

"Seriously?" I raise my eyebrows in the most disinterested fashion. But Yash has the audacity to smile at me. Screw him! He is probably happy that his so called boyfriend got a ticket to walk in my house whenever he pleases.

"Why is it a problem?" He asks me.

But it is a huge problem for me! That idiot Rakshit told my papa that he is Yash's friend and I specially invited him for Kukkie's engagement. Knowing that I invited some random guy my papa has never heard of, I am sure he is thinking that I am interested in that Rakshit. It was repugnant to see my papa hold Rakshit's hand and walking into the living room. I had just climbed upstairs really pissed off.

"I just don't like that guy! Tumhe bhi yahi mila tha?"

"Stop being a wicked friend" Yash sits in a chair opposite me, folding his hands defiantly.

"Ptch! I am sure papa will try to fix me with him. Aah! What should I do? Shall we tell him the truth?"

I glance at Yash worriedly and drop my gaze to my nails.

"Are you crazy? Then even my preferences will come out and do you really want me to be banned from your house?" Yash talks back, dreading on the fact and I nod, biting on my nails.

"I know that jerk is enjoying his special treatment."

"It's my boyfriend whom you're calling a jerk."

"Oh c'mon!" I dive on my bed, burying my face in the pillows. "Get lost! I'll have to think through the night"

I hear Yash leave and I sigh. Over time Yash and me have grown more closer as friends so it feels perfectly alright to be sassy as a bitch with him. It is only him who has been tolerating me for this long. I'm not bad but I try hard to be one. Because I have been good and all I have written in my destiny is too bad so what's the point even! I turn on my back and stare up at the ceiling.

"Wonder what's planned ahead in my life." I mumble to myself.

Pointlessly staring above I don't realize how much time passes by, but it is only then I break out of my reverie when I hear some noise in the balcony.

I carry myself out of the bed and step out in the balcony, my eyes wandering around for the source of that noise.

Not finding anything I am about to turn back when my foot hits a hard object. I bend down to pick a stone wrapped in a paper. It isn't an ordinary stone that can be found anywhere. It sure looks old but I'm mesmerised by the bluish green spread of colors separated by yellow lines on it. I stare at it in astonishment. Who'd throw a stone like that in my balcony. I still see nobody around so I walk back into my room, straightening the crushed paper.

This is my lucky stone that i carry everywhere. Tumhe dekh ke laga you need it.Keep it and I hope it does some magic in your life as well.

P.S. your dad likes me, so try liking me.

- - Jerk with a weird smile. :)

"Is he for real?" I shake my head and turn the paper around to find a funny drawing of a girl wearing a skirt kinda thing and the hair is a real mess. If he doesn't know how to draw, might have just skipped why embarrass himself. I chuckle. Seriously he is a jerk. Did I looked like that terrible drawing in the function today?

I hop on my bed again, scrutinizing the stone in my hand. Why would he leave his precious stone with me if it's lucky for him! And if he is that good, why did he have to lie in front of papa that I was the one who invited him?

But he made me laugh a while back with his drawing skills.

No.

I don't like him. I will not like him. Where did Yash meet him seriously! I should have given some good advice to Yash that night only.

Now I'll just have to bear my papa and ofcourse mumma too when she knows it from papa. It is the first time that I invited a guy friend over other than Yash. I quickly grab my phone and text Lily about Rakshit and what he did. It would be nearing dark there in Ireland. I don't know what Kabir would be doing now? No matter what, I always wonder about what he'd be doing at random hours. If only things could have ended better and I still would be able to contact him as friends.

I should drop it, thinking about that all leaves me nowhere. As soon as I am under this roof, enclosed within these four walls of my room, I go back to being that distressed Aashna who broke his heart. My Kabir's heart.

Can I call him 'My Kabir?' Would not he mind after what I did to him and his sincere feelings? A grimace settles on my face. Guess I've lost that right to call him mine.

Aarohi.

The temperature has come down as Kabir and I stroll on the sidewalks along the banks of river Liffey. I blow some air into my hands and rub them together to warm them up. As I raise my eyes ahead, the view in front of me takes my breath away. My steps halt and I just stare in amazement at the huge ship like architecture. It is lit with so many lights and looks almost out of place in a city that has been showing me all the historic things. What is it! It's so modern.

"That's Samuel Beckett bridge." Kabir answers my unasked question.

"It's gorgeous! Let's take a closer look." My tiredness seems to disappear as I stride towards the location at a faster pace with Kabir at my heels.

Wow It's a bridge! I see so many cables holding it together from a doubly back-stayed single forward arc tubular tapered spar. The shape of the spar and its cables evokes an image of a harp lying on its edge.

"It looks like a harp" I wonder aloud and then glance at Kabir.

"It's stunning at night time." He tells me and then his hand slip into mine as we together start walking on the pedestrian lanes on the bridge. The river reflects the lights on its surface and it feels beautiful taking a walk with him on this bridge at this hour. The sky is dark Ocean blue and as I look up in the sky through those cables of the bridge the cool winds refreshes me.

"How many are they?" I try to count the cables.

"31! Do you want to know one more unique thing about it?" kabir raises his eyebrows at me and I stare into his eyes, his face mesmerising under the golden light.

"What?"

"You know for big ships to pass to the other side, this bridge can rotate up to 90 degrees" his eyes twinkles as I process this information.

"This can move?" I ask him unbelievably as he nods in aye.

"You mean this will move as we stand here?" I can't help but ask, with my eyes widened. He just laughs and squeeze our hands held together. We start walking back to the south side from where we came.

"This is a beauty!" I exclaim when we are back to the sidewalk.

"Take a photo Kabir!"

He takes a few photos of me and us together with the bridge. I am still not over the fascination as we stand together by the palisades facing the river. Kabir sighs and I glance at him. He has his head bowed down, his elbows resting on the body of the palisade.

"What's up!" I elbow him lightly.

He looks up at me in surprise. His eyes happy and the very next second gets saddened and I see that yearning in them.

"For a moment it felt like it wasn't you but Aashna. She'd always elbow me and ask what is up with me." He murmurs and now I understand why he was surprised. There are a lot of moments where he misses Aashna and wish it was her instead of me. I purse my lips.

But I am really interested now that he has spoken his thoughts aloud.

"Are we talking about her now? Then shall I ask something?" I don't look at him in case he gets anxious.

I take his silence as my cue. "When did you first meet Aashna? In Dublin?" My eyes rest on his face and I see a smile stretch on his lips. It's still a happy memory for him.

"India." He meets my gaze. "There was a power cut and we both met while strolling out onto the street in Bhopal." This is the Kabir I want in my life. The way his eyes are when he talks about her. He sighs and turns his face away. "where I saw her for the first time also became the last time I saw her."

"Why" I whisper but I know he heard me and understood what I am asking.

He just shakes his head and I don't push him more. Perhaps this is what hurts him the most that he doesn't have an answer to this 'why'. I have wondered about it myself a thousand times that why would a couple perfectly in love with each other break up.

I see the emotions gathered in his throat as he gulps and then takes a full breath through his open mouth. I place my hand on his shoulders and he looks up to the bridge.

The unchanging bridge. He might have come to this place several times. Maybe she would have accompanied him too sometimes. What is it like to feel that emptiness? The places stay, the memories stay but people don't?

"Do you know this bridge is the most photographed one in this entire city?" His cracked voice brings my attention back to the bridge. I shift my gaze at the bridge and take in the beauty that it is.

'It's really worthy" I speak softly. The winds push my hair strands in my face and I tuck them behind my ear before looking back at Kabir.

"I have so many other photographs of it but since I'm here with you tonight, I wanted to take a good shot to remember how it looked this moment." His eyes is vacantly fixed at one spot as he tells me this.

"What stops you?" A light frown appears on his face and I hold his arm in a comforting way. Is he finally ready to share?

He sighs deeply and then stare at me. "I loved to capture, It was my passion. Whenever I held the camera, I felt a sense of freedom, the one where I could self govern myself. It made me feel powerful and I had confidence that I could do wonders with this just one photograph. It felt happy to be myself and live through the eyes of camera." He murmurs softly as if talking about the happy gone by days. Why is his speech in past tense? Why can't he feel like that again?

"I felt all of these things again while loving Aashna. Her presence made me feel like what I felt for my passion and maybe even more. There was no stopping me then. I was becoming more unfettered."

I settle my gaze on the surface of the river. The intensity in his eyes is maddeningly powerful that I can't bear to even meet his eyes. There is still so much love for Aashna left in him. I don't want to replace that but right now it makes me feel weak.

He turns around, his back resting on the railings. "Now that she isn't there I don't feel that way anymore. I want to love her but then I am not supposed to right? I miss her, there are uninvited memories that barge in and all that's left for me to do is fight against them. I am trying to control my trembling heart and while at it, it is getting impossible to bring my world out of convention."

My eyes flash towards him again and I notice him kicking the street as if disappointed with himself.

"Don't" I hold his arm and rest my head at his shoulders.

"Tell me Aarohi, How am I supposed to let lose again and feel free when I capture while at the same time I am trying hard to control my feeling, to control this damn heart to bound itself." He hits his chest with a fist and I hold his hand trying to stop him. I cradle his face in my palms and look into his eyes. The helplessness lying there makes me tear up and I hug him, trying to comfort him in any way.

"I can't do it! I am stuck in between these two worlds, one where I want to act on my will and rise above in my career and the other where I want to cease feeling for anything related to my past....I don't seem to manage..."

"...shhhh!" Coming out of the hug I push my finger to his lips. "Stop. It hurts to see you fall apart like this" I whisper, my eyes wet with tears. I have never imagined that what he felt was this deep and intense. Times like these makes me feel how dangerous human emotions can get! That it could even ruin a person inside out. I hug him tightly again and then in my memory, there flashes a certain girl who means the world to the person in my arms who in turn means the world to me. Those emotions that eats up my Kabir also are the ones she feels probably. What type of love is this? One which makes him fight despite himself and live inimical to his own self? One which makes her attempt suicide? And yet they can not be together? Why did she break up with him? Just because his family chose me? Again in my memory there are flashes of the day when I found out about Kabir and Aashna, them standing in the rain on his terrace. Why would she leave him? Just because I came in to the picture? Where does this leave me then? Does Kabir too thinks that I came between them?

Even if I did come between them unknowingly, what could have I done? Beg Aashna to take him back? Didn't I visit her before for the same! Was it on me to bring them together? No. She refused to listen to even him then who was I?

"You accepted me Aarohi" he whispers in my ears. He is right. I was the one who accepted him. I was the one who knew come might whatever, I'll love this man and support him through thick and thin. My love is not the one which would ravage him. What happened has happened. He needs to get out of this mess and if I can't help him through this then it's a shame that I am Mrs. Malhotra.

He hugs me back and I feel his warmth, my only home on this foreign land. With him, I too need to open up and grow in my life. He has entrusted his issues to me and now I'll solve them for him.

"I love you" I whisper in his ears and then hold his hand to walk us to the bus stand.

Tere hathon ki taraf
Mere hathon ka safar
Rozana, rozana..

Teri aankhon se kahe
Kuch toh meri nazar
Rozana, rozana..

The city is passing blur as we ride the bus. Kabir is sitting with his eyes closed at the window seat and I am lost in him. His hair knocking his forehead on every wind action is far more mesmerising than the lights and crowd outside. He feels at peace now that he is asleep. I am tired as well. We have had a long day out. I rest my head on his shoulders, hugging his right arm.

Rozana main sochun yehi
Kahan aaj kal main hoon lapata
Tujhe dekh toh hansne lage
Mere dard bhi kyun khamakhan

While we walk back to the house from the bus stand the cool winds swirl around us and I shiver. His eyes meet mine in gratefulness and a mix of awkwardness and relief.

But I like that he doesn't think that he is the man of the house so he should maintain that strong demeanor. "Sometimes it is okay to rely on others and let our emotions flow. I liked that you talked with your heart."

"I don't like to hurt you by talking about her."

I shake my head at him. "How do you feel now?"

"Light hearted."

"Then don't worry about anything and share it away whenever you feel like." I blink at him. Even if it brings a feeling of rejection everytime I see that love in his eyes for someone else, I would allow that fire to burn me. For it is still bearable than not knowing what goes in his head and feeling restless. So even if that hurts, I want to know what is going on with him in order to make a good difference in his life.

We turn around the corner and I spot our house at a distance.His arm brushes mine as we walk side by side.

We live in this house together. We are one unit.

Hawaaon ki tarah
Mujhe chhu ke tu guzar
Rozana, rozana..

Tere hathon ki taraf
Mere hathon ka safar
Rozana, rozana..

I wake up at an odd hour strangely. It must have been due to that unsettling surgery I did in the evening that I am unable to forget the tension in the operating theatre. I reach for my phone on the bedside table. It's 5 in the morning. Kabir is not sleeping beside me then there is only one place he could be find at this hour. My eyes dart towards the mini souvenir of Samuel Beckett bridge placed beside my phone.It has been a month that Kabir and I visited there and since then I am in love with that bridge. So on my Birthday last week, he gifted me this beauty as a present. He took me to the Bray head and I simply enjoyed my time at the western beaches.

I walk out of the bedroom towards the kitchen. Just as I have taken to my daily routine after joining the hospital, Kabir too is striving for what he used to be everyday. We both are trying to do our best in our respective fields.

Entering through a back door in the kitchen, I step into the garage and there is my man, working out hard. I take support of the door frame and stand admiring the determination on his face. His bulging muscles throb under his skin as he pulls himself up using all his strength. His veins stretches at the wrist area and I blew out a breath. Well he has found some control over his body atleast.

Inn aankhon se ye bata
Kitna main dekhu tujhe
Reh jaati hai kuch kami
Jitna bhi dekhu tujhe

Kabir without telling me has sold his car. That day we again had a fight. I mean am I nobody in his life! What is mine is his too and we can surely afford everything that we need to but no, Why would he consider me and not try to take the burden on himself. So he sold it to Peter and now this garage has turned into his personal Gym. I sometimes feel like this guy would probably live here from the amount of time he spends here. I know the car was very close to him. Though I am over my initial disappointment but still I'll not let this go. Next month when it's his birthday I am gonna throw those car Keys back at him using my first salary in Euros.

Well I am not doing it entirely for him. Someday I would like him to come and pick me up from the hospital in our car. I would love to rest on his shoulders as my tiredness would be evaporated through his touch while he drives us back to home. So car is a must. I sigh dreamily while my eyes follow him doing some weightlifting.

Rozana main sochun yehi
Ke jee lungi main be-saans bhi
Aise hi tu mujhe milta rahe agar
Rozana, rozana..

His eyes meet mine and he puts away the weight and walk towards me. His hair is a mess, his half bare body shining away as the sweat slips from his head to the neck and all the way down. I grab a bottle and toss at him as he catches it and pours the water all over his face and neck.

I hand him a towel and he looks at me with concern. "Why are you up? Sleep more you must be tired from yesterday."

He rubs his face on the towel and I completely zone out into another world. The way Kabir's eyes look at me, I know he care a great deal about me. And it feels special on the inside that I have him with me, that he asks about my day, that he is bothered when I have a hard day and is equally happy when I save lives.

Yun aa mila tu mujhe
Jaise tu mera hi hai
Aaram dil ko jo de
Woh zikr tera hi hai

Yesterday in like weeks he cooked for me because I was hell tired as much as I couldn't even stand when I came from hospital.

He click his fingers in front of me and I snap out of it.Then I realize I haven't replied to him.

"I wanted to see you" I smile at him and he gives back a stumped smile with a frown as well. Then he sighs and shakes his head at me.

Rozana main sochun yehi
Ke chalti rahe baatein teri
Aate jaate yunhi mere liye thehar
Rozana, rozana..

"Now that you're up, make me some healthy tea." He says as we enter the kitchen and leaves for a shower.

I smile at his back. He was never a tea person, but well some good habits have made way in his routine now. For a good change, he has a routine. He is getting better at trying to control his life rather than his emotions do so. There are still times when he breaks up and fall but we are learning to get back up and find our way everyday.

Tere hathon ki taraf
Mere hathon ka safar
Rozana, rozana..
Rozana, rozana...

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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Hello mello!
Announcement; since I am regular now I am thinking of continuing my other story as well. So I will update both the stories alternately on every weekend.

Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Let me know who else loves this song! I love it so much!

Please vote and drop your reviews.

Love always,
Sue😇