The Trials and Tribulations of a so-called Trouble Teen

Chapter 32 - You're Not Yourself

After a turbulent week, I'm glad to be seeing the weekend. Brian and Anita are having a big plant based brunch buffet to talk about our plans for the day, discuss ideas and just have a good time together. It's great being able to spend this time with both my band and Brian's band, especially as our times together are getting rarer and rarer due to our lives going in different directions. Dan working in the bank, Casey starting university, Maya finishing her A Levels and me... I'm just spending my days constantly getting suspended or expelled. I'm not doing anything noteworthy or spectacular - in fact, I am the complete opposite of everyone. There's no self success in my life.

I've never really felt like I've been able to achieve things without someone else doing it for me. I don't have the ability to stand on my own in any sort of capacity really. I failed all of my exams, I'm nowhere near passing any of what I'm doing in college, I basically have nothing to fall back on in life. I'm just completely useless to everyone. There's no point in trying, considering how things have gone in my life. My mother could clearly see that I had no hope and left before it was too late. My dad kept me away from everything because I had no chance of surviving. There is simply no point in me bothering anymore.

E: [struggling to tie lace and getting frustrated]

M: [stops brushing hair in bathroom mirror and looks into bedroom]

E: [stimming due to stress]

M: [walks into bedroom] Evin... [slowly] Don't get upset, you just need to take your time. [looks into eyes] Okay?

E: [looks at]

M: Hey, what's up?

E: [looks around room]

M: Are you okay?

E: [ignores]

M: [grabs chest] Evin! Hey!

E: [wakes up] What?

M: [releases] You were completely out of it.

E: I was?

I was?

M: Yeah. I think we should change your shoes so you don't get annoyed. [takes hand and walks to wardrobe] What ones do you want?

E: Maybe just my clogs.

M: Okay, you can have those, but I'm bringing other shoes in case you get tired. [changes Evin's shoe]

E: [quietly cooperating]

M: You ready to go?

E: Yep...

M: [puts jacket on] Let's go. [takes hand]

Having a day as busy as this is definitely making me hungry. I know that after this breakfast I will be well fed and energised. Having everyone together is definitely helping with the energy boost. I'm looking forward to share what I've been working on as I want to possibly get everyone to work on it together. I would love to have Roger on the drums, Brian on the guitar, Adam as backup vocals, Dan on keyboard and Casey on bass. All I need is to get Cher, Paul and Ringo on board and then my dream song will come to fruition. 

I'd have to somehow organise everyone to be in the same place at the same time, which seems to be quite impossible when it comes to mind. It's just a fading dream at this point. I'm determined to make it happen though. If we can somehow do that before my 18th birthday, release it and kick off the second Glass Onion era on a high note. You know, I could possibly do a show in the O2 and release the song then. 

E: [sipping juice] I started working on a new song yesterday that I was thinking of putting towards the next album. 

R: Can we hear some of it?