The Trials and Tribulations of a so-called Trouble Teen

Chapter 62 - You're In Safe Hands

Monday, we meet again. Maya's getting ready to back to school for what is hopefully her first full half term. It's been rough for her, she just wants to do well at school in her final year. I want her to do well. She's more than capable of getting those four A* grades. I have more faith in her than I ever did in myself at school. Every fail for me was a top grade for her. That's just how we worked.

M: [closing backpack] Are you ready? We have another half an hour, so don't fret.

E: [groans] I don't wanna go.

M: Well you have to. Your dad needs help with the shopping. [opens purse] Do I need to bribe you? [lifts £20 note and waves in front of Evin]

E: [snatches] What do you want?

M: I want you to behave today. If you behave, you'll get more later on.

E: [nervous]

M: [walks over and sits beside]

E: [scans body]

M: [kisses] Maybe you need a bit more waking up.

E: [shakes head vigorously]

M: What's the matter Evin? Do you feel unwell again?

E: No, it's not that.

M: Then what is it?

E: It's my dad, I'm really worried about him.

M: Has anything happened?

E: You know how we were up for ages just talking the other night?

M: Yeah?

E: Well, he told me that he doesn't think he is truly who he think he is.

M: [taken aback]

E: And on top of that, he doesn't know if he is okay with feeling what he's felt for all these years.

M: So what you're saying is...

E: My dad is transgender. He's never been truly comfortable as a cis fella, and from now onwards, I don't know. All I know is how hard it was for me to accept the fact that I wasn't cisgender, and I was, what, six? Imagine how hard it must be for him now at 46.

M: Your dad is fierce, so fucking fierce. Everyone who knows him just knows him as this incredible guy who cares greatly for everyone he loves, yet no one, of course other than us, knows his battles.

E: He said to me that getting with Stefan just brought back all of the questions again. When he met my mom and they got together and has us, he thought he was doing the "right" thing. All his life he wanted to be a dad and have kids, he got that, but at a big cost for himself. Back when he was with his first boyfriend, the external homophobic factors made it so difficult for him. Y'know, all of this really sucks. Things are far different now than they were 30 years ago. He's safer now. And also he's a twice divorced man, one through just annulment of "oh hey my wife just left the country with no trace", other through prison. He deserves a happy, consistent marriage and whether it's mixed sex or single sex, it needs to be happy. I have a feeling things with Stefan are gonna be a lot better than with anyone else. If he wants to get married in less than a year, I honestly have nothing against him doing so if it's with Stefan.

M: Those two are perfect for each other.

E: They really are. They're both passionate about their careers, they're both insanely smart and talented, they both just love the idea of being parents... y'know?

M: The whole identity thing is terrifying, isn't it?

E: Yeah.

M: I'll never forget the tears I shed and the very little support I received at home when I realised that I'm gay. It was only in here that I felt accepted and that I had a support bubble.