The Trials and Tribulations of a so-called Trouble Teen

Chapter 73 - Wondering Wally

TW - Discussion of violence and abuse from the start

I don't exactly feel wonderful right now. Like a sort of... knot in my stomach tied to an anchor that's weighing me down a lava lake. It's similar to my head being tied to a tree and squished until I'm no longer able to survive. There's some sort of fizzing going on in my teeth, triggered by a pit in my stomach. I'm terrified, absolutely fucking terrified... No, petrified. My stimming levels have gone through the roof, I don't know what to do.

My nightmares are turning more violent than before. I was trapped in my own skin, hell, I was asleep. I threw a pretty nasty hit and kick on Maya during the night, and I have a feeling I have deeply bruised her leg in some way or another. I'm constantly fearing an incoming threat, yet I never realise that I may be the threat. What can I do exactly? I'm asleep, I have no worldly judgment during those few hours that I exit the world.

I feel horrible that I'm capable of doing such a thing. My heart tells me that I don't want to hurt people, but whatever controls my actions in my mind tells me otherwise. I'm not afraid to lash out at someone without thinking about what harm I could potentially cause, only to deeply regret what I've done and break down into a pond of tears. There is no point in saying that I love Maya if I don't include how I've hurt her over the years... and just how exactly she's hurt me. I don't know anymore. What is there for me to do? Maybe my only answer is getting locked away forever.

C: [knocks bedroom door]

E: [wiping tears] Who is it?

C: [comes in] What's the matter darling?

E: I beat the shit out of Maya during my sleep Casey, I don't know how the fuck to control it.

C: [comforting] Maybe it's time you went to see a specialist. Tough, right now... [climbs into bed] You need a big hug.

E: [hugs] I love you baby.

C: I love you too. [kisses]

E: [snuggling] You make me happy.

C: You make me happy too. You know, I think we should do something together?

E: Like what?

C: Why don't we do some more baking?

E: Sure. [realising] Wait, how the hell did you get into my house?

C: Spare key.

E: Oh.

C: Wanna go do some baking?

E: Why not?

//

E: [claps hands] Welcome to the vi- [laughs]

[jump cut]

E: Hey guys! My name is Evin, also known as Castillo, and in today's video... I'm baking again. I don't have a lot going on outside of rehearsals and producing music ever since I left school, so this is the next best thing! Today I am making a large amount of treats for my show tomorrow. Things like cupcakes, cookies, brownies... Yeah, just, whatever to please the people. I'm not alone, thankfully. I'm joined by the ever so wonderful Casey.

C: [comes into frame] Hello!

E: [admiring] Casey came into my room this morning and asked if I wanted to bake, and now we're here!

C: I say we get started on this.

E: Indeed.

[jump cut]

E: Right now we are mixing our brownie batter.

C: All recipes will be linked below.