fearless

Chapter 19: If They Bring You Down, You Drop 'Em.

Chapter 19: 1 Week Later

I smile as I walk through the Pit with Ariana. "Wow," she says. "That's so scary. I would've died." She says, and I sigh.

"Yeah, it was the scariest thing that's ever happened to me." I say as I speak to her about being taken to Erudite for shooting Daniel. She nods. "Steven, Colsen, I still don't know what to call him, he hasn't talked to me. It's been a week." I bite my lip.

Colsen really hasn't made an effort to communicate with me in any way since I was captured and taken to the Erudite Headquarters for testing, I mean, he kissed me whenever they saved me, but that was it. He hadn't talked to me since then.

Deep down, He probably thinks that I gave myself up to the Erudite, which I didn't.

He actually told me once, that he thought I was suicidal. I don't really know if I fit that category though. I told him that I wasn't, but I might actually be. Ever since Daniel died, I just want to end it all. I'm the reason that he's gone. I killed him.

Maybe I'm just depressed. Maybe it'll get better eventually, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. I just don't think that I could, not after everything that's happened lately, everything that I've caused.

I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for all that I've done. I can't make myself, so it'll never happen. I'm deadly. I'm dangerous. I'm Divergent.

>>

Since I've returned from being captured and taken into custody of the Erudite, I have actually moved into my apartment. I really like it; a whole new world away from my parents' house.

A whole new world to kill myself with my thoughts, without my parents to stop me from doing it.

I have also settled down and started my training to begin my Leadership job in the Pire, the main part of the Dauntless Headquarters.

I have since then asked my mother for a job transfer, which was granted, for me to transfer to a full-time job as a tattoo artist the Dauntless Tattoo Parlor.

I really like the idea of that. Besides, I get to work with Tori. She's one of my favorite people in the Dauntless Faction. She is where I get most of my advice, inspiration, and tips from.

I don't think that I could actually work as a leader, not after all that I've done. I killed a fellow faction member. That beaks the rules on so many levels, especially the motto: Faction before blood. It's not just that, either.

I can't go back to Erudite. I can't make myself do it. I'd have to get on a train and go there at least once a month for the meetings, but I can't.

Maybe I wasn't meant to be Dauntless. I'm such a fucking coward. How did I ever make it through initiation?

Well, my inner self chuckles, you were faking it until you made it. That's how much of a fucking coward you are, you fucking jerk.

>>

I walk into the tattoo parlor and smile. "Hey, Tori." I say to her. She smiles, hugging me.

"Hey Maddie." She winks. I laugh, and she walks me over to a dark corner of the tattoo parlor. We talk about my initiation and my parents for a few minutes.

It's nothing but awkward small talk, really. Soon, after a few more minutes of unending conversation, Tori has set me up with some sketching for this morning, and as it turns out, I can actually draw pretty well.