fearless

Chapter 16: I Need You, Please

Chapter 16:

After I ride on the train for a few minutes, or maybe even hours, I don't know, I decide to go to Abnegation to see my grandparents. I am becoming Dauntless leader soon, so technically, I have the authority to come here.

I look outside of the side of the train, by the door, and see the Abnegation sector growing bigger every second as I begin to get closer.

The Abnegation sector is next to the Erudite sector. My mother goes to Erudite all the time, for large, city-wide faction leader meetings about improving the faction system, fixing the flaws, and apparently, the Candor want to fix the water filtration system.

It's rusted and falling apart. It's about thirty or thirty five years old, the pipes are corroded, and almost completely disintegrated.

The Candor tell the truth, and that's the truth. The city does need a new water filtration system. The Erudite want to use some water from the marsh to provide the city with extra water just in case we go into some freak drought.

The Amity think this is a good idea, but they'll side with anyone, just to keep the peace.

The Abnegation aren't really siding with anyone; and the Dauntless, my faction, don't think that this is a very intelligent, well thought out idea.

Each faction is going to give the Erudite an unnamed, certain amount of money, which will help pay for the filtration system that the Candor representatives recommend, and the marsh water filtration system that the Erudite leaders and representatives want.

Or at least that's what I hear everyday when I walk into the Dining Hall and sit around the other members. Apparently it's the buzz of the city. No matter where I am, I always hear people talking about it.

As the Abnegation sector grows larger, I leap out of the train. I fly through the air for three good seconds, before my feet slam into the hard, pebble covered cement.

After I regain my balance, I begin walking through the sector, looking for the housing district, where my grandparents' house is located.

All of the houses appear to be the same. They're all gray cubes that have the same type of doors, the same sidewalks, the same interiors as well. House decor is selfish.

Everything is selfish.

I never would have made it in Abnegation. Everything I do is based on the effect that it could have on me in the end. I sigh.

As I walk along the side of the sidewalks of the streets, looking up at the tall, fancy shaped buildings, made of clear, smudge free glass, I see five blue clad people walking down the sidewalk ahead of me with clipboards in their hands.

One person has a glass slate that they hold, a tablet, and the rest hold clipboards.

I continue to walk, when the people, who are walking in my direction, stop walking, and look at their clipboards.

I don't think anything of it at first. Then I remember Daniel, the Candor transfer, the boy I killed.

They point at me, and shout.

My mind says run, but my legs stay placid. They don't move; it's as if someone poured fast drying glue around my feet. No matter how hard I try, I still can't move.

The Erudite people begin to run in my direction, their individual shadows mixing into one grey blob on the cracked, pebble covered sidewalk.

They're still pretty far away, so now I break free of my thoughts and begin running in the opposite direction. I sprint for the train tracks, then continue to run. I soon feel pain in my lower back.

I cringe and pull a needle of sorts out of my lower back. I throw it behind me and try to run, but after a few seconds, I really can't move.

The train passes me and I reach out to try to pull myself along with it but I miss. I miss each time a car passes, and I sigh. I strain against whatever it is that's holding me down, but it doesn't work.

I feel as if I'm paralyzed, but I'm fine. I can't break through the serum. I can't fight it. Maybe I can only fight simulations. I don't know.

Soon, the men approach me. I curl down into the ground, on my knees. I put my hands on my lap and they shoot me again, but this time they shoot me in the shoulder. I cry out in pain as soon as the needle collides with my skin, after piercing through my clothes.

I cringe and grimace, and soon my whole body feels heavy, I feel like a deadweight in their arms as they try to pull me to stand. Soon, I'm standing, and I try not to cry. I bite my lip so hard that I taste blood, and I purse my lips.

These three men begin talking in what seems like another language. The only words that I can make out sound horrifying and scary. Serum, Jeanine's one true subject, Divergent, and the word I dread most.

Testing.

These two guys, probably the lackeys to the other three guys, grab my shoulders, their nails digging into the skin underneath my shirt. I choke down the screams that claw their way up my throat, trying desperately but failing to keep them from flying out of my mouth.

They lead me to a car parked at the street corners of West Roosevelt and South Canal streets. Those streets are basically on the edge of The Abnegation sector, and the starting edge of the Erudite sector.

One of the guys lets go of my shoulder to grab a pair of fabric handcuffs. He places them on my hands when I stick them out, and I sigh. The fabric is already burning my skin.

Then they shove my body into the car, and the driver, who was already in the car, makes a u-turn and drives away to the Erudite Sector to the Headquarters and training district.

>>

When we make it there, to the Erudite Headquarters, I am sent up to the top floor, where a man leads me through the halls, even though there are two guards who are holding my arms.

We make various left and right turns until we reach a white door in the white illuminated hallway. I try to keep track of how many of each turns we're making, but I can't.

Erudite's a fucking maze compared to Dauntless.

A question crosses my mind as we continue to walk, the guard's hands on my arms. Why so much white if we're in Erudite? I thought white was for Candor. I laugh, and the man turns to send me a crooked look.

I look around at this hallway that we're in, then at the door in front of us. The door has an electronic lock, easy to break if you know about technology.

The man with me unlocks the door using some blue card, which makes a blue light turn green, opening the door. The handcuffs are removed from my hand, which gives me a chance to try to break free. I thrash against the guards, but I can't do it.

It's not even really worth trying anymore; the guards have too good of a hold on me. I am then pushed, almost thrown, into the holding cell before my testing begins.

There is a window, which just has bars and no glass, where I go and stand once the doors shut. I look out that window, my hands gripping the bars, and look at the Dauntless Sector.

I think of all of my family and friends there.

"I Need You." I whisper, my voice rough. "...Please."

A tear slips out of my eye, followed by another and another, until I am practically sobbing, my hands slipping from the bars, letting me fall against the wall to cry.

All I want is to be back home, in Dauntless, but I want to go back just twenty four hours in time to stop myself from killing Daniel. The sad thing is, I will always live with that shame, that sadness of knowing that I killed somebody. It's like blood on your hands that you can't get off.

But sometimes, I guess we all just have to learn to live with the blood on our hands.

a/n: ****rewritten on 7/21/16