The connection

Chapter twenty - Heartbreak

Alex

I woke the next morning with a pounding in my head. My eyes adjusted to the brightness of the room as I scanned it to see my mum asleep in the chair across from me. Chase was gone, he must have stepped out when my mum arrived back. I pulled myself up in my bed wincing at the pain in my shoulder and let out a small hiss disturbing my mum.

"Alex sweetheart you should be resting" she spoke disapprovingly as she rushed over to help me.

"Where's Chase? I don't remember him leaving?" I asked puzzled.

"Oh honey I sent him home, it was late and he looked like he needed the rest. I'm sure he'll stop by later to see you once we get you home"

"Home? I can go home?" I asked excitedly.

"Yes, the doctor said there's no reason why you can't recover at home. He's sorting out a prescription for your pain meds and we'll pop back next week for a check up...and also some counselling" she half mumbled the later.

"Mum no, I don't need counselling! I'm not crazy!" I protested

"Alex your panic attacks are back and whether you like it or not you need some help. I'm not sending you away, I just want you to have someone to talk to. You've been through a lot and I really think this might help" she shot me a sympathetic look. I knew deep down she was right, I'd lost count of how many panic attacks or near attacks I'd had in the past month.

"Fine, but no hovering over me and treating me like a China doll, okay?"

"Agreed sweetheart, now come on let's get you dressed and checked out so we can settle you back home in your own bed"

"Okay, do you know where my phone is. I need to tell Chase I'm going home"

"Oh no sorry sweetie I haven't seen it, not to worry. I'll give Josh an update and ask him to pass the message onto Chase. Him and Natalie have both been so worried about you"

Great, my phone must still be at cabin and there was no way I was going back there in a hurry to get it.

A few hours later I was finally back home and settled in my bed propped up by a mountain of pillows.

"How's that sweetie? Are you comfy?" My mum asked as she continued to fuss over me.

"I'm fine mum thanks" I answered awkwardly. I knew she was just trying to take care of me but she hadn't let me out of her sight all day and I really just wanted some time to myself...well not to myself exactly. My mind drifted to Chase, it was almost 4pm and I still hadn't heard from him.

"Hey mum, do you know if Josh managed to get hold of Chase?"

"Umm, I'm not sure sweetie" I couldn't help but notice how awkward she seemed.

"Mum, is something going on?" I asked in a quizzical tone "where's Chase?"

"Oh Alex I didn't want to have to get into this today, you really should be resting" she scolded me.

"MUM, TELL ME WHATS GOING ON" I demanded.

"Chase spoke to me last night, he had some concerns"

"Concerns? Concerns about what?" I asked puzzled.

"He gave me this to give to you, I wanted to wait a day or two for you to recover a bit more but I should have known you'd demand an explanation sooner" she sighed as she pulled a letter from her pocket and handed it to me. "I'll give you some privacy" she whispered as she left the room shutting my door behind her.

My hands began to tremble as I turned the piece of paper over in my hands and unfolded it slowly. I saw Chases handwriting scrawled along the page and felt a knot form in my stomach as I read the words he'd wrote.

Lex, I'm so sorry to take the cowards way out and do this in a letter. You and me share something so special and it kills me not to be able to tell you this in person but I just don't think I can bare to see your face when you realise what I've done. You see I lied, when I told you about my past I wasn't honest. That girl I told you about, the family friend. She was more than just a friends with benefit hook up. Me and Chloe were inseparable and when she moved away things got pretty fucked up for me. I wanted to believe that when I found you and our connection, things with Chloe had just been casual. But it wasn't. It isn't. She understands me, things are just easy between us not like they are with you and me. It's only been a month and we've gone through so much trauma together, it's just not how it's supposed to be. I hate myself for the timing of this. I know you need me to be there for you right now, to help you get through things. But Lex, Chloe is back. She moved back and when I saw her all those memories of my time with her, well it made me come to my senses. We aren't good for each other, deep down I know you know it too. The things we've been feeling isn't healthy and right now I just need some normality in my life and Chloe gives me that, I'm in love with her and I think I was just lying to myself when I was with you. I know you must hate me but I hope that in time you understand and that you can move on. I want you to be happy Alex, like I'm happy. I'm sorry baby.
Chase.

Tears dropped onto the page and I began to shake uncontrollably. No, this couldn't be happening. He'd left me, he wouldn't leave me. Something was wrong, someone was making him do this. I tossed the letter to one side and jumped out of bed wincing at the pain in my shoulder from my sudden movement. I raced down the stairs searching for my mums car keys on the counter.

"Alex what are you doing? You should be in bed!" My mum exclaimed, a look of frustration spreading across her face.

"I need to go mum, I need to find Chase" I screeched, my eyes searching the counter for her keys.

"He's made his choice sweetie, you have to accept that" she eyed me sympathetically.

"You know?" I croaked meeting her gaze across the kitchen.

"He told me the gist of it last night when he gave me the letter. He asked me to keep you away from him. He wanted space" she added guiltily.

"You knew and you didn't tell me? You let me wait around all day pining for someone who doesn't even give a shit enough to tell me to my face that he doesn't love me" I screamed stumbling away from her.

"Alex please, you need to stay calm. Your panic attacks"

"Fuck my panic attacks, fuck everything" I cried hysterically as I spun around and bolted for the door.