The connection

Chapter Thirty seven - Fix you

Alex

I raced back to my car as fast as I could, my breath catching in my throat as I ran. I fumbled with my keys and slammed the door shut behind me as I got inside. Tears streamed down my face as I  started the engine and sped down the road. I had to get away, I couldn't handle this. I could feel the familiar panic build up but this time I couldn't stop it. Shit not now, this was not time for a panic attack Alex I scolded myself as I willed myself to take control of my body. Not now please. Tears blurred my vision so I pulled onto the side of the road, I felt sick. I opened the car door and bent over the grass verge whilst the nausea flooded through me. "Calm down Alex, deep breaths" I told myself. I didn't hear the car pull up behind me or the footsteps on the ground until I felt his hand in my shoulder.

"Alex" his concerned voice drew my attention and momentarily distracted me from my need to throw up. Nates worried green eyes looked over me as he could see the state I was in. 

"Deep breaths and squeeze my hands, like this" he grabbed up my hands and breathed along with me whilst gently squeezing my hands in time with the breaths. I followed his instruction and gradually felt myself begin to calm. After what felt like forever I was confident I had it under control. He stayed sat in front of me, his hands holding mine. He didn't say anything, he waited until I was ready. I cleared my throat and croaked out "thank you" which came out more like a whisper. I started to stand on shaky legs but he pulled me back down beside him.

"Don't think your quite ready for that yet bambi" he spoke softly as i returned to the safety of the ground.

"Do you want to talk about it" he asked gently with one hand still holding onto mine. I couldn't bring myself to look in his direction but for some reason I didn't feel embarrassed to talk to him.

"I got scared earlier, with you" I started. He was careful not to interrupt me and gave me the time to finish what I needed to say. "You remind me of him sometimes, I know that probably seems messed up but hey that's me. He used to call me Lex. He's the only one who's ever called me that. Then you did and I panicked....so I ran" I took in a shaky breath as I felt the nerves start to creep in, he remained silent but gave my hand a soft squeeze. "I drove without thinking and ended up at the creek just down the road from here. It was our place, full of memories and I don't even know why I went there it was like I was on autopilot. His car was there and I knew I should have left but I couldn't, I didn't want to. Then when I couldn't find him I felt like all the pain was coming back to me, losing him again. But then as I was walking through the forest I heard him. I turned back and there he was, falling apart just like me. He looked so broken, he said so much and I don't know what to do with that but I know I can't go back. I can't go back to that girl I was who falls apart. I'm still broken, I want so much to be fixed but I'm not and I don't know if I ever will be"

He pulled me into him for a hug as I let out a long breath. "Do you feel any better now that you've told someone how you're feeling" he asked comfortingly 

"Surprisingly yes. This might sound super crazy but talking to you really helps"

"Maybe I can be your own personal therapist" he teased jokingly "this sessions free but next time it'll cost you" he winked.

I smiled up at him. "How did you know I was here anyway" I asked as I realised we were out in the middle of nowhere and it seemed to much of a coincidence.

"You left your English book behind. I tried to call after you but you didn't hear so I followed you in my car thinking you were going home and that I'd just post it through the door. But then you didn't go home and I didn't really know what to do so I just kind of stuck around. You looked upset but I didn't want to intrude. The when I saw some guy walk the same way you had and you came running back upset I knew something was up and I couldn't let you drive off without making sure you were okay" he offered me a small smile "Sorry it probably seems a bit weird doesn't it, me following you out here"

I thought about it for a minute but then pulled him into a tight hug. "Thank you" was all I could say.

*****

Nate

I followed behind her as she drove back to her place. I wanted to make sure she got back safe. She pulled onto her drive and I pulled up behind her and got out to say my goodbyes. I could see her nervously fumbling with the cuffs of her jacket. She had that shy look about her again, a flush to her cheeks that I couldn't help but find attractive.

"Thanks for making sure I got home  okay" she said with that shy smile of hers.

"No problem, and if you need an impromptu therapy session again you've got my number" I winked back at her enjoying the smile on her face grow wider as she chuckled at my joke. 

"Did you want to come in for a hot drink, you must be freezing after sitting outside with me for so long, it's the least I can offer you" 

"Sure" 

I followed her inside looking around at the dark house as we entered. "My mums working late tonight" she answered before I even had chance to ask. I nodded at her and followed her into the kitchen taking a seat at the breakfast bar as she pulled two mugs from a cupboard.

"Hot chocolate sound okay to you" she asked with a smile

"Sounds perfect" I replied as I watched her set to work on making the drinks. She returned with our steaming mugs topped with cream and marshmallows a few minutes later and took the vacant seat next to me. We drank in silence for a few minutes before I plucked up the courage to speak.

"You said earlier I reminded you of him" I stated being careful to watch her reaction. She put her drink down and slowly nodded her head as she answered.

"Your eyes" was all she said before pausing slightly a flash of pain sweeping over her face.

"Guess I'll need to get contacts then" I joked and she burst out laughing. I'd succeeded in breaking the ice and that's all I could ask for. She turned to me and spoke softly "no one makes me laugh like you do" she immediately looked down to hide the blush that had filled her rosy cheeks. I didn't know if this was the right thing to be doing but I placed a finger under her chin and drew her gaze back to me. "Don't hide, you don't need to do that with me" and then I let her chin go and she kept her gaze fixed on mine.