The connection

Chapter sixty two - Understanding

Alex

I felt the scorching sun on my skin as I floated on my back in the cool water of the creek. I don't know why my mind kept bringing me back here but it did. I was alone floating peacefully as I listened to the birds sing, their hypnotic song drawing me into a trance.

Alexandra

A hushed whisper floated through the air drawing my attention. "Is someone there" I called as I looked around, my eyes darting towards the shoreline.

Don't let fear cloud your mind Alexandra, trust in your heart what is true

"Who is that? Hello" I screamed back only to be met by silence. I sudden warmth radiated around me.

"Lex baby, wake up, Alex it's me Nate"

My eyes shot open and I sat bolt upright taking in my surroundings. I glanced around at Nate's bedroom and met his worried gaze. I reached out for his face and pulled him close to me.
"You had another dream Lex, that's the third one this week" he eyed me with concern.

I sighed and threw my head back on the pillow in frustration "I don't know what it means, I keep hearing a voice like a whisper but I don't know who it is" I huffed.

"It sounded like you" 

My eyes met his as I studied his face "you heard"

"You kind of pulled me in with you there towards the end, I heard what it said to you. I think it has something to do with Chase"

I felt my body go rigid at the mention of his name. It had been almost a week since the incident and I still wasn't ready to talk about it anymore.

"Baby please, you have to let me back in, I know you've been through a lot but I can help you. You can't keep your guard up around me forever"

He was right. I'd put up a wall that day and it hadn't just blocked Chase out it had blocked Nate and even if I involuntarily pulled him into a dream every now and then I still wasn't ready to take down those walls completely. "I'm sorry Nate I know it's not your fault and I'm not trying to hurt you. I just, I can't. I'm not ready" I pleaded.

"I'm not trying to force you baby, I just want to help you. We have a connection and I know I could make you feel better if you just let me in" he pleaded back.

"I can't. I'm sorry" was all I could say.

He let out a sigh but dropped the subject, he knew better than to push me. "Come on let's go back to sleep" he soothed as he pulled me back in next to him. My mum was away for the night so I was staying at his, since his mum was working the night shift it seemed to make sense. Plus I hated being alone at the minute. I just needed to feel safe again.

******

Alexandra, you need to listen to me

The voice was back but this this is was louder, it sounded closer. I was stood at the edge of the water and turned to face the trees. "Show yourself. I know you're out there" I demanded as I took a step towards the trees. I heard a rustle and ran towards the sound in hopes of catching my tormentor. I rounded the corner and froze on the spot. A gasp escaped my lips at what I saw.

You look like you've seen a ghost Alexandra

I stood staring at my mirror image. It was me but it wasn't me, it couldn't be me.

Oh but I am you

What, this isn't possible. I'm dreaming, you're not real.

Of course your dreaming Alex, doesn't make me any less real. I'm your subconscious.

My what?

Ever wondered where your connection with Chase and Nate comes from. Ever feel like you're not in control when you're around them. That would be me.

What! You are talking crazy

Am I. Do you truly believe that after everything you've been through with these boys. I know you've felt it. Remember that time here with Chase. You felt like you weren't in control of your emotions. You got a bit carried away if I recall.

Why are you telling me this?

Because you won't listen. You know deep down what I'm trying to tell you.

Not to let fear cloud my mind. What the fuck is that supposed to mean anyway I huffed.

You know exactly what it means.

Chase.

Exactly.

He hurt me.

I know. But you need to understand the full picture.

And what is that exactly?

Why Alex, if you can feel like you can lose control do you wonder if either Chase or Nate feel that sometimes too. I wonder what would happen if they were to lose control and just let their desires take over.

So you're saying Chase wasn't in control when he hurt me?

I'm saying exactly that and perhaps Chase was too consumed by his own desire for you that he didn't realise what was happening around him.

So what I'm just supposed to forgive him?

That's not what I said. But Alex think about it, deep down you know how he feels for you. If he were in his right mind do you honestly believe he could hurt you?

No. My voice was a mere whisper.

You already know the truth, you just need to accept it Alex before it's too late.

Too late for what?

Yours isn't the only soul being tortured. Maybe one soul can save the other.

I followed her glance back out to the trees where I could make out a car in the clearing ahead. I'd recognise that car anywhere. I stepped closer. The engine was running. Something seemed off. It looked cloudy. I took another step and I could make out Chase sat behind the wheel, he looked like he was crying. Why was it so damn cloudy, I couldn't see properly. That's when I noticed it. The hose snaked around the car and poked in through a crack on the window. No no no.

"CHASE!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Whoa Lex what's wrong" Nate asked with concern. I looked over at his confused. "I need to get to him, we need to go now" I shouted as I leapt out from the bed and fumbled around for his car keys.

"Alex your shaking. What's wrong, was it another dream?" He asked, his arms reaching out to steady me. Tears streamed down my face as I began to cry uncontrollably
"He's...he's...going...to..." I broke down completely letting down all my walls and guards. I couldn't bring myself to say the words but I knew he at least be able to read my thoughts. His face turned to stone as he pulled on his jeans and t shirt and wrapped a jacket around me.
"It's going to be okay, we are going to save him" he reassured me as we rushed together out of the house and into his car.