The connection

Chapter fifty seven - Acceptance

Alex

I paced around my room waiting for Chase to arrive. If I was going to do this I was going to do this right. I heard his car pull up and watched from my window as he headed to the front door and let himself in. His footsteps sounded on the stairs and before I knew it he was opening my door. God he looked good, he always looked good but right now my stomach was doing backflips just looking at him.

"Easy tiger" he smirked as he planted a kiss on my lips "your text sounded urgent, is everything okay?" He asked as he took a seat on the bed.

"Yes, no...well I needed to talk to you I guess. I wanted to tell you first" I stumbled over my words 

"Okay..." he eyed me suspiciously

"I saw Nate today, at the coffee shop. We just bumped into each other, it wasn't planned" I quickly added.

"And?"

My face flushed, I didn't know how to say this.

"You miss him?" He asked

"Yes, well...that's not it exactly. Chase he is so upset with me. I've treated him so badly in all of this. I have been so worried out your feelings and my feelings that I didn't even consider his"

He nodded at me thoughtfully "so what are you saying exactly"

"I need to make it right. I'm going to go and see him"

"And you think that will help?" He questioned

" maybe not at first but eventually he will understand, he will see I'm not just toying with his feelings"

"So when you say you're going to go and see him, what do you mean exactly?"

I took a deep breath before the next words came out of my mouth. It had taken me long enough but I was finally ready to admit it. 

"I want to be with him and I want to be with you. That's what I need to tell him, I want to ask for his forgiveness and show him how I really feel. Show him that his feelings matter to me, that he matters to me as well as you" 

There was silence for a few seconds before he took my hand and offered it a gentle squeeze. 

"I wanted to tell you first" I admitted "I love you Chase so much but seeing him today, seeing how broken he was because of me. It broke me too, it made me see that I love him too"

"That's what you need to tell him, just like that and if he doesn't forgive you then he's an idiot" 

I looked at him with wide eyes "so you don't hate me then?" I asked

"I could never hate you Lex, I'll be right here waiting for you whenever you need me" 

He pulled me in for a long kiss and I let the emotions flow through me. Now I just needed to pluck up the courage to tell Nate.

******

Nate

I sat on the sofa flicking through channels on the television trying to distract myself. I'd been in a bad mood since I'd got back from the coffee shop this afternoon. It was no use, no matter what I tried I couldn't get my mind off of her. She'd wormed her way into my head and my heart and now there was no escaping her. A light tap on the door drew my attention away from the screen in front of me and I stood up to see who it was. When I opened the door the last person I expected to see was Alex but there she stood.

"Nate" 

"What are you doing here Alex, I thought I made myself clear earlier" I started to push the door shut but she held her hand against it.

"Please, hear me out. If you still hate me afterwards I promise I'll go and you won't have to talk to me again" she pleaded

"I don't hate you" I huffed as I stepped aside to allow her entry

"You have every right to" 

I gestured towards the sofa "you want to sit?" I asked

"No, I need to get his out. I'd rather stand" she paced up and down as she spoke before coming to a stop just in front of me. "Nate I'm an idiot. I've been so busy worrying about Chase and hurting him or torturing myself with my own feelings that I didn't stop to consider yours"

"Well.." I started before she cut me off

"Please I need to get this out" she looked at me anxiously, was she nervous? 

"Nate when I saw you earlier, when I saw how broken you were, I had no idea what effect this had had on you you until then. It's was like it suddenly hit me, and I felt broken too because it was my fault. I'd made you feel like that. The truth is Nate that night with you was amazing for me too, it was one of the most memorable moments of my life and I never meant for you to think that I didn't feel the same about it. I just, I couldn't handle it when I got home. I felt like I'd betrayed Chase. I wanted to just forget it....but that was wrong, because I don't want to forget it, I don't want to forget you. Nate I want to make this work, I want you to trust me and believe me when I say I'm done running from this. Yes I love Chase and I want to be with him but I want to be with you too and I'm going to fight for you, for us. I'm going to show you that I'm sorry, that I was wrong before Nate, because thing thing is, I love you. I love you"

She started pacing again as I stood there silently processing what she had just said. I reached out and grabbed her hand, she froze on the spot and looked at me hopefully.

"Lex, I want to believe you I do. I just, I'm worried that you will change your mind again" I admitted

"I'm not going to, I'm going to show you that you can trust me. I'm not going anywhere" she pleaded with me as she cupped my face with her hands. "I love you Nate Ashford"

I pulled her into my arms not ready to share my true feelings with her yet. I needed to learn to trust her. I wanted to believe her but this would take time.

I've got all the time in the world 

I'd missed the sound of her voice in my head and for a moment I was taken by surprise. I pulled back and looked down at her. Her wide eyes looked full of hope, her lips smiled up at me and part of me wanted to pull her closer and kiss her but I couldn't do that. I needed time.

"I need time Lex, to process all of this" 

I watched as her hopeful smile fell from her face and a flash of pain covered her expression.

"I just need to think everything over, I know you care about me and if what you're saying is true and it is really love you feel then I honestly will be the luckiest guy on earth. But right now I just need to get my own head straight, get my own feelings in check. I need to think about how this might work with the three of us. See if it's something I can comprehend"

"Something you can comprehend?" She questioned 

"Lex, I'm not sure if I can do it. Share you with him. I don't know if I'd always be worried you'd chose him over me if it came to it. I need time to think it all through. But if it came down to it and you had to make a choice, would it be him or me?"