The connection

Chapter forty six - In my head

Alex

Things with Chase had been amazing the past couple of weeks, we'd got back on track, we were actually communicating with real words and not just what was inside our heads. It was like we needed all this drama to happen so we could truly understand how to be together. Sure we still had a way to go and I'm not kidding myself that as much as we've forgiven each other for the pain we caused I knew it wasn't forgotten. That's not necessarily a bad thing, I never wanted to feel like that again, like I'd lost him, knowing I had hurt him and he had hurt me. It made us want to be good for each other. 

So sitting here in the coffee shop waiting for another guy just felt wrong. I'd told Chase I was going to do it, hell I'd invited him to come along but I knew deep down he wasn't ready for that. He couldn't open that chapter of his life and I wasn't about to push it but for me, I needed this. I needed to understand.

I took a sip of my coffee when the sound of the door opening caught my attention, I looked up and caught sight of those green eyes. I felt my stomach form into a knot and momentarily caught my breath as Nate walked in towards me.

"Sorry I'm late, I err...I wasn't too sure if I was going to come" he admitted as he sat down without ordering.

I shuffled in my seat, I didn't like the way I felt around him. I needed to get this over and done with so I could get the closure I needed. I wanted to know the truth, the whole truth this time and not some lie that he thought I wanted to hear to spare my feelings. I cleared my throat before speaking

"Thanks for coming" I offered him a small smile

"Why am I here Alex" his tone was hard and cold and reminded me of when we'd first met and I was sure he hated me.

"Nate, I need to know...why did you come here"

He looked at me confused "you asked me to"

"No not here, here" I gestured outside "this town...was it really just to hurt Chase?" 

He didn't make eye contact with me, he just looked down and started playing with the sugar packets on the table.

"It doesn't really matter now does it. You can go on with your perfect little princess life, you've got your prince back...of course he gets the girl" a flash of pain was evident on his face and I felt a sudden rush of sympathy for him. I didn't want him to feel this pain, I wished there was something I could do to take that away for him.

Caught off guard by my own thoughts and feelings I shook my head as if to clear them away.

"I Uh....I think this was a mistake...sorry...I" I got up and headed out the door as fast as I could.

"Alex...Alex wait up" 

I felt his strong arm on mine spin me around as I headed outside towards my car stopping me in my tacks. The faint feeling of tingles pricked my skin where his hand held me. My eyes grew wide in horror. What the hell was happening. He saw my face and dropped my arm immediately.

"Sorry I didn't mean to" he looked apologetic as he took in my distressed appearance.

"No it's fine, sorry I just" I couldn't finish my words, I felt the panic setting in. I bent over placing my hands on my knees for support as I took in deep breaths.

"Shit Alex are you having a panic attack" he rushed closer to me putting his hands on my hands for support "here take me hands, like last time remember" he held my gaze as we both crouched down and I squeezed his hands in mine whilst slowly breathing in and out.

I could feel myself begin to calm down as my breathing steadied...what the hell is wrong with me!

"There's nothing wrong with you" Nate soothed as he squeezed my hands. 

I froze on the spot as I realised what had just happened. He'd answered a questioned I'd asked in my head. I never said it out loud.

"Alex...what's happening?" He dropped my hands and took a step back.

What the fuck is going on, I just heard her talking but she wasn't talking 

Nate? 

Alex?

I locked eyes with him as the confusion spread across his face. I needed to get out of here, how was this possible with him. I thought it was just me and Chase, I can't deal with this right now.

I stood up slightly shaky from my almost panic attack and ran towards my car leaving a dumbfounded Nate behind me as I got in and drove away.

What the hell had just happened.