The connection

Chapter Thirty nine - Confused

Alex

"Thanks for driving me home" I smiled cheerfully at Natalie as she pulled onto my drive. It was only a short walk but the weather had definitely taken a turn for the worse today and walking was out of the question. She eyed me with that smug smirk of hers and I knew she was dying to ask me something. "Come on spit it out then" I sighed with a smile.

"I didn't say a thing" she raised her hands in a mock defence pose.

"Come on, we both know you're dying to say something so just do us both a favour and ask" I joked with a slight chuckle.

"Well I couldn't help but notice how much time you've been spending with Nate this week that's all" 

I shook my head and giggled "I knew that's what you were going to ask, I just thought I'd let you sweat a little bit" 

"Some best friend you are" she huffed

"Come on Nat I'm only joking, Nates just a friend"

She raised a brow as she answered "really, and would this be a friend friend or a friend with benefits sort of friend" 

"Natalie!" I gasped slightly embarrassed that this is what she thought of me, even though we had kissed so she wasn't far wrong.

"Oh relax, there's nothing wrong with having a bit of fun, you deserve it if you ask me"

I blushed and looked away smiling "well....I do like him, I mean he's definitely hot"

She nodded " now that I can agree with"

"We sort of kissed the other day, but just the once"

"What now! The other day and I'm only finding out about this now" she exclaimed 

"We got caught up in the moment. It hasn't happened since and I don't think I'm ready for it to if I'm honest. It's nice to know that it might go somewhere though, I just need to take things at my own pace" 

"I think that's a really good idea Al, I'm really proud of you" 

" thanks, it feels nice to hang out with someone who doesn't know everything about what's gone on lately. I can talk to him and not feel so...I don't even know. I just find myself being able to open up to him about stuff, it's kind of nice" 

"I'm really happy for you hun, and I'm always here to listen to you as well. Don't feel like you have to hide anything from me. No ones judging you here" she said with a kind smile.

"Thanks Nat, you've been amazing. I didn't mean to keep it from you or anything, I guess I just kind of wanted to figure things out first"

"Well how about we catch up tomorrow and have a bit of a girls day, you can give me all the details then" she winked

"Umm I've actually got plans tomorrow, me and Nate have that project for Hoskins to finish this weekend. It's due on Monday and I can't afford to get on his bad side"

"Oh okay, well how about we meet early for coffee Monday before school and you can catch me up on your weekend activities" she grinned

"Sounds like a plan, although I don't think there will be much to catch you up on" I chuckled as I grabbed my bag and opened the door to leave.

"I'll text you later hun, have a fab weekend. Don't do anything I wouldn't do" she smirked before pulling out and heading off.

*******

It was Saturday morning and I was running around my room trying to put the finishing touches to my sexy but casual look that I was going for. Why was I even trying so hard, that isn't what I wanted was it. I had woken up feeling so excited to see Nate today and I got all nervous and then I started overthinking things. Like what to wear, how to do my hair. Now I was stood in my room in my blue skinny jeans, and a burnt red colour loose fitting cropped shirt trying to decide if I should leave my hair done or tie it up. I'd washed it last night and plaited it before bed so it had a nice natural wave to it. I pulled it down over my shoulders and surveyed my look in the mirror. Who was I kidding, this was just a study session why was I trying so hard. I grabbed a hair tie form my dressing table and twisted my long brunette trestles into a messy bun and fastened it in place. Pull yourself together Alex.

Downstairs I headed to the kitchen to brew myself a coffee, I still had at least half an hour before Nate would arrive so I could chill with my coffee and review my notes on our assignment before he arrived.

"Hey sweetie, you sure you don't need me to pick you anything up from the store today whilst I'm out running errands" mum called to me as she headed out to the hallway ready to leave.

"No mum I'm good thanks" I smiled back.

"I can go later if you'd rather me stay home" she offered

I looked at her confused " umm no it's fine, I've got a friend coming over to work on an English assignment so I won't be on my own anyway" 

"Yes I know hunny, but I don't mind staying here...you know in case you felt a bit.."

" mum no. It's not like that. Nate is a friend, you don't need to worry about anything" I reassured her feeling embarrassed that I had to defend myself to her.

" it's just things with you and Chase moved so quickly, I just worry sweetheart"

"Mum I'm not going to fall for every guy that comes over for a study date" I replied bluntly

"Okay okay, well I'll leave you to it then. Call if you need me" she smiled as she grabbed her keys and headed out the door.

Geez how humiliating, my own mother clearly didn't trust me to be alone in the house with a boy anymore. I heard the door reopen and her footsteps enter the hallway again, probably coming back to remind me to be safe.

"Mum seriously there's nothing to worry about, there will be no frisky business happening whilst your out" I shouted out to her becoming angry that she didn't trust me. The footsteps stopped for a second. I turned round and saw Nate stood in the hallway, a look of amusement on his face.

"Uh I bumped into your mum on her way out, she told me to come on in" 

Shit, shit shit. Could this get more embarrassing. I covered my face with my hands and let out a laugh. "I'm so sorry I thought you were my mum" he was smiling back at me.

"Clearly...so uh, no frisky business" he said with a raised brow.

"Shut up" I joked and gave him a little nudge "you're early" I questioned 

"What can I say, just so eager to work on this English project" 

"Hmmm...well I was just about to make a coffee, did you fancy one before we make a start"

"A coffee break with you, as if you even had to ask" he winked as I set about making the drinks. 

An hour later and we had still yet to start our work, instead I was sat cross legged on the sofa whilst he sat across from me listening to a story he was telling me about his old hockey team. I felt so relaxed with him it was as easy as breathing. I was laughing at a joke he had been telling when I felt his hand brush against my cheek and tuck a stray hair behind my ear. I looked up to find his green eyes fixed on mine. Suddenly it felt very hot in here.

"You're so beautiful" he breathed no louder than a whisper. My eyes stayed fixed on his as I sat frozen into place. He removed his hand from my cheek and shuffled back slightly

"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that" he apologised. 

"No it's okay, don't worry about it" I croaked feeling suddenly very hoarse.

"I didn't mean to push you or anything, I just got a bit caught up. It won't happen again I promise" 

"I umm, I...." I couldn't form the words, did I want this. I felt so confused.

Nate looked at me, a mix of hurt and guilt in his eyes..."I think I should go" he said as he got up from the sofa.

"No please, please stay" I pleaded "we haven't even started our work yet" I gestured towards the unopened pile of books on the coffee table. 

He let out a sigh and looked at me with sympathy "look Alex, I get it. You've got a lot going on and I want to be there for you I do. I just, I can't help but feel like I'm getting mixed signals here, one minute you're flirting with me and the next you freeze like you don't want me near you. I don't want to get caught up in any drama right now, I've just moved here" 

He was right, I was confused and I didn't know what I wanted right now. I barely knew him and it wasn't fair to get him mixed up in my problems, not when I didn't know what the hell it was that I wanted right now. 

"I'm sorry Alex, I'll catch up with you later" he apologised as he headed out the door.