The connection

Chapter fifty six - Coffee and confessions

Alex

I sat at the table staring out the window as my coffee sat in front of me going cold. I watched the people walking passed the window looking out to see if one of them was him. I felt a pang of disappointment every time the door opened and saw it wasn't Nate walking through the door.

"Alex, hello! Earth to Alex" Natalie's voice drew my attention back to her 

"Sorry" I mumbled

" what is with you lately, you've not been yourself all week? Is something going on with you and Chase?" She asked suspiciously. God how was I going to get out of this one.

"I'm fine, me and Chase are fine, there's nothing to worry about" I half lied as I picked up my drink and took a sip from my now not so warm coffee. I screwed up my nose at the cold liquid and returned the cup to the table.

"I think I'm going to grab another coffee, you want anything?" I asked cheerfully trying to throw her off the scent.

"I'll take a muffin...but don't think for one second this conversation is over" she raised her brow at me as I headed to the counter to order.

I placed my order and waited for my name to be called to retrieve my coffee.

"Nate" the barista called catching me off guard. I looked up and glanced around seeing Nate come around the corner where he had been waiting out of sight. He stepped forward to retrieve his coffee. I noticed it was in a take out cup.

"Hey" I smiled as he grabbed his coffee from the counter where I was waiting.

"Hey, sorry I didn't want to disturb you, I didn't mean for it to seem like I was hiding" he explained nervously.

"It's okay. I'd probably hide from me too if I were you" I smiled sheepishly. Why was this so awkward, I mean I know why. I'd told Chase to talk to him and tell him I wasn't ready for this. That I needed space. Since that morning at my house I hadn't seen or heard from him other than a text that night to say her understood and hoped I was okay. 

"How have you been?" He asked as he shifted his weight from foot to foot.

"Good thanks, you?" I asked back feeling stupid as soon as the words left my mouth

"Um yeah okay I guess" he mumbled 

"Alex" 

The barista called my name as she placed my coffee and Natalie's muffin on the counter. I turned to pick them up.

"Guess I should let you have your coffee, it was nice to see you Alex" he smiled a sad smile as he turned towards the door to leave. I walked back to the table to find Natalie's eyes on me. Great she was bound to have seen how awkward that was. I set the coffee and muffin down on the table and turned towards the door to see him leaving. How could I leave things like this.

"Okay, what have I missed, what was that exactly" she asked with an accusing tone.

"I'll be right back" I exclaimed before turning and running out the door after him.

"Nate, wait....Nate" I called after him as he headed towards his car. He stopped and turned with a look of surprise on his face but he stood silently waiting for me to speak.

"I can't let you leave like that, I'm sorry I know I've been awful to you but I'm sorry, I just need you to know that I'm sorry" the words tumbled out of my mouth but still he said nothing.

"Please Nate say something" I begged him

"What do you want me to say Alex. That it's okay? That I forgive you?"

"No I just, I don't know" I mumbled 

"Alex do you even understand how hard this has been on me? I had the most amazing night of my life and it was with you but then the next day it's ripped away from me. You ripped it away and I get that this is hard for you and that you don't want to betray Chase, you don't want to hurt him. But what about me Alex? You hurt me. You've cut me out of your life without a second thought. I feel broken, it's like a stabbing in my chest that I can't stop. Then I see you here and you come running after me, what so that tomorrow you can regret it again. I won't do that, be your play thing to pick up whenever you feel like, I deserve more than that"

His words hit me like a sledgehammer. Everything he was saying was true, I'd made him feel like that. I've used him and then dropped him without a second thought.

"Nate I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you like that I swear" 

"I know you didn't, but your still doing it Alex. Right now, why are you even talking to me, running after me?"

"I don't know" I admitted

"I need you to stay away from me. Unless you decide that you're all in then I can't do this, I won't be your booty call. It's a real relationship or nothing"

He turned and walked the final few steps to his car and got inside and drove off leaving me stood tear stricken on the path.

"Alex, what's he on about?" I turned to see a confused Natalie stood behind me as I let uncontrollable sobs take over.

******

"So you're telling me that you can hear Nate as well? Like is this some sort of super power you have or something?" She asked as we sat on my bed.

She'd driven me home and made me tell her everything after my little outburst at the coffee shop.

"No it's just the three of us, well me and Nate and me and Chase. They can't hear each other. Natalie I can't even explain it but I feel things for both of them"

"And you slept with Nate?" She asked cautiously. I nodded in reply throwing my head back against my pillow.

"And Chase was okay with that?" 

"Yeah, he said he'd rather have part of me than nothing at all. He thinks I'm kidding myself if I think I can fight my feelings for Nate"

"Well I hate to say it Al but if what I saw at the coffee shop is anything to go by then I think he might have a point" 

I rolled into my pillow and let out a scream "this isn't fair. I don't want to hurt anyone and that's all I'm doing. Nate hates me"

"Nate doesn't hate you" she pleaded 

"You didn't see the way he looked at me, I was too busy worrying about betraying Chase and hurting his feelings that I didn't stop to consider Nate in all this" 

"Well then make it right, show him you were wrong"

"And how do I do that when he doesn't want to speak to me"

"Don't take no for an answer. Right now he doesn't trust you, he thinks you're going to run. Show him you're not, show him you want him"

"But I want Chase as well, what if Nate can't handle that"

"Then girl you've got a choice to make"