The Soldier's Girl

Apologies

A few hours later, I'm still up in the spare room. I had changed into some more comfortable clothes being leggings, trainers and a jumper.

Laura had come up to check on me and I apologised for my behaviour but she was quick to brush me off. I was so grateful for her kindness.

I was staring off into space while looking at the wall closet to the bed I was perched on. I clutched my dog tags in one hand and fiddled with my ring with the other.

I only snapped out of my daze when I heard the door open. I turn around to meet the blue eyes of Steve. He walks in and closes the door softly behind him. I turn away again and feel him sit down next to me.

"How long do we plan on not talking?" He asks into the silence.
I didn't reply and just held my breath in worry. Steve sighed and picked up my left hand making me jump in fear.

I meet his eyes to see his concerned expression growing.
"Ali, what happened back there?" He asked me softly.
"I-I." I begun to speak but got choked up so I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before speaking again.

"Ever since, you came back out of the ice. I've been terrified to loose you." I look up to meet his gaze to see his concerned look was gone and replaced with a saddened one.
"When I told you about my past with SHIELD and just-everything. None of that was a lie. But some things, I hid. Some because they weren't my place to say like...this with Clint! But some I thought I was just...protecting you. But after seeing what I created with Ultron. My worst nightmare came to life. I thought I was protecting you, by putting you first and hiding things from you. I thought what I was doing was right but really they were eating me up alive because I-because I tell you everything. I thought when you came back out of the ice we would just pick up where we left off and everything would be back to normal but when it didn't...I got scared. I thought I would loose you. I thought you wouldn't want me anyone." I breath out trying to catch my breath.
"Ali-" Steve started but I cut him back off.
"No. You had every reason to be mad at me. I would have been mad at you if I was in your position. I wish I could say more than just sorry but I can't. I just have to prove it to you. I'm sorry Steve, for everything. For lying, for keeping secrets I just-I just didn't want to loose you. But now I realise just how selfish I was."

Steve paused for a moment taking in everything I said. The silence was unbearable but I still didn't want to know what Steve would say.
"Ali. I could never hate you. I love you, you know that. I would follow you to the ends of the earth and back again. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you."

When he said those words I felt like he had just lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders and I breathed out slowly.
"When Wanda spelled me I went back to 1945. I was at some, end of the war celebration. Peggy came up to me and asked if I wanted to dance but when I asked where you were-" Steve stopped and seemed to get chocked up so I squeezed his hand softly in mine.

"She said-she said, that you were the one who went into ice. And I never got to say goodbye, or I love you. I didn't get to tell you how I felt. You were gone and I had to live without you. Everything you felt while I was gone, I felt it too and it sucked! Ali, I thought adjusting to this new world would be hard but it wasn't because I had you. When I went back into 1945 without you. I couldn't adjust back, I couldn't live my life because without you I have no life. You are my happiness and above all my love, you're my everything! I love you Allison Roslyn Smith and I forgive you. You were doing what was right and I can't be mad at you for trying."

We were both in tears and Steve's head was against mine. I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes as I spoke.
"I saw you. When she spelled me. I was back in 1945 too. Except you never went in the ice. I was back working for Howard, not with him. Nothing had happened. No great story or experiment. I looked for you and when I found you...you were with somebody else. Engaged to somebody else. I was invisible. I was nobody to you, you forgot all about me. My greatest fear isn't what my mind can do. It's the thought of loosing you and seeing you live without me in it."