I'm feeling naughty

52

Gus POV
I just kept standing where I stood when she headed out of the room. I didn't move and I couldn't. I was still fucked up and had almost no control, just like when that girl kissed me. I didn't even know her name and I wouldn't have let her kiss me if I was full concious. This should have never happened. I hurt the love of my life, the girl I got pregnant, the girl I told that we could have it all. This is so wrong and twisted.

I crashed down on my bed as tears started to flow down my cheeks. Seeing her cry and saying that this doesn't work made me sick. Everything hurts, nothing feels real. What is she doing right now? She is unstable what if... No she wouldn't do it now, would she? I gotta find her, but she doesn't want to see me at the moment. I hurt her, just like everyone else she used to love. Everything is my fault. I'm not good at keeping people in my life, I always push them away. What's wrong with me? Everything's aching. I fucked up again.

What am I suppose to do? I let her go, but I couldn't even talk properly, so I couldn't stop her. But how could I let her go like that? I hopped of the bed and speed to my car. Where could she be? Probably at home, but what if not? She doesn't want to see me and has to overthink that whole thing, right? What what if she makes wrong decisions? Would she let me know if she'd get an abortion? Would she let me know what she decides? Or do we just stop talking?

I fell back on the bad again cause I don't know what to do. I mean I should probably go and tell her that I regret it and that I didn't have the control over myself. I gotta get sober before I talk to her.

Rose POV

I laid in my bed scrolling through my camera roll which was almost only made of stupid pictures of me and Gus. It hurt seeing me smile with him and the way he looked at me. Everything we went through, could we really end here? But there is a third person in this story, what about it?

I looked at a selfie I snapped as he applied the pink hair dye in my hair. He had the biggest smile across his face possible. At another picture I dyed his hair black and pink again. I love his hair, the pink and black is just so beautiful. It feels like home when I look at it.

The „stupid" tattoo was still there and remembered me of everything we had gone through. When his stupid friend drugged me and Gus saved my life. When he saved me from getting raped by this asshole. When we had sex in the best way possible, when we flew to New York to meet his mom, every single memory is stuck in my head, and it will never go. I'm not gonna let him get back that easy, but if he tries, makes me feel comfortable, there is a chance.

About our little peep, I can't decide by my own, but if he doesn't show up the next two weeks, I gotta decide by my own.

I checked his Instagram, one new post.

23.465 likes, 487 comments
Lilpeep: I'm disgusting, I'm sorry. I miss you.
-comments disabled-

He always has to post everything on social media which I always found a little annoying. He loves his fans want always wants to show them what's happening, that's why he love reading their comments, he never disabled them before.

He didn't text me the rest of the day, which I spent crying in my bed and thinking about all my options, which weren't many.

1st keep the baby, stop going to university, find a job, move into own flat

2nd get an abortion and everything goes on normal

These are my options without Gus and none of them is perfect. They both seem wrong, but there just isn't an other way.

How could he do that after all of this? He was someone I could reli on and now he's gone like everyone else. He knows how unstable I am, but he doesn't care at all. He knows what I'm probably doing right now and isn't here. Why doesn't he care!?

Gus POV
One week had passed since the incident now, and still not anything new. One week since I talked to her. One week since I saw her beautiful face. One week full of pain and being alone. It is awful.

Texting her is lame and just drive to her is weird too cause I wouldn't know what to say. But I have to, right? She gotta be in an awful mental health state and that's my fault cause I didn't get my pathetic ass up and just told her that I'm sorry.

I didn't leave the house for the past week, barely ate, just when Tracy forced me to, wrote lyrics I hate and generally just laid in bed doing drugs. I didn't know what I'm suppose to do. I thought everything comes with time, but it doesn't seem like it. I hate the fact that I'm so disgusting. I just can't keep things like this but how should I change it? I love her and I have way to many memories to just forget everything bout her. Her smile, her smell, the way she talks back on me, the way she turns me on. She's my girl and I fucked up, I fucked up so badly even though I didn't want to.

Tracy walked in
„Gus we need to talk"
I refused to answer and stared at the wall where I hung up some pics of us.

„Bro listen it's been a week now and it doesn't seem to get better you..."
„...should do drugs" I cut him of as I snapped the bag of pills. He teared it out of my hands.

„No you should talk and say your sorry and try to make things work again. You got this woman pregnant and I want you to take care, take care of everything. I mean I don't like that she steals you from me, but she deserves better and so do you"
„Probably right"

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Omg guys I'm so sorry for not updating it's just horrible atm. It was so stressful the past weeks. Next week is the last week of school before I go on vacation so then I'll probably be able to update regularly and end this story. Love y'all for reading this💕🖤