I'm feeling naughty

51

Rose POV

I stared at him and waited for him to say anything else. You could clearly see that he couldn't think clear because of the drugs that still were in his system. Tracy had called me afte he had seen that this girl kissed him. I know it's not friendly toward Gustav he had straight called me, but I'm so thankful and upset.

„I trusted you Gustav, my stupid, but this is disgusting and I can't handle it. I'm pregnant with your goddamn child and all you do is kiss another girl? I don't want my child to grow up with an unready mother and a disappeared father. I wouldn't be able to handle it either. I don't want my child to go though the same things I did and you know what I mean. By the way you know how mentally unstable I am, right? Don't you understand how this hurts me? You know in what kind of hole this drags me again. I don't want to take this any further. I think it's done right here. Maybe you could come over when you're sober, but you never were in that state. You fucking hurt me. I'm not gonna keep our baby, even though I made friends with the idea of being a family, with you, not alone. Goodbye Gustav, my stupid"

I looked at him and he shock his head as if he hadn't understand what I just said.

„You what? You will keep my baby and you can't just finish this, finish us. I didn't kiss her, she kissed me and I know this was wrong, but I wasn't used to the situation anymore and it was just to many drugs and I hadn't myself under control."
„You'll never have yourself under control. Me neither and that's okay."

A tear slit down my cheek and I whipped it away as fast as it came. Gus walked towards me and grabbed me by my shoulders.
„Rose you... I just... I'm so sorry. I couldn't act in this moment. I'm sorry, this will never happen again."
„This is What you said the last time too, I gotta think about this. " I said and made his hands go away from my shoulders.

„It was all to easy to be true Gus."
He grabbed my wrist one last time, which was still covered in bandages.
„Please just don't do anything to yourself while you think, ok my dear?" he looked so sad and sorrowful.
„Can't promise anything"
„Rose please?" his brown puppy eyes caught mine.
„Just let me go!"

He let his arms fall down and sank his head down.
„Goodbye my dear. I'm so sorry. Don't hurt me, and with me I mean yourself or my little peep, alright?"
„Just let me go and think about everything"
„I understand. Remember I'm sorry and I love you no matter what."
„I don't know wether I can trust you, that's the problem."

I left his bedroom and rushed through the living room towards the main door where I ran into Tracy.
„Thanks for telling me" a tear slipped out of my eye again.

„Please forgive him, he would have told you this. I shouldn't have, I was just shocked."
„Do you really think he would have told me?"
„Definitely and he won't come over you. Don't hurt him, he had been hit a lot more times then he admits."

He had only told me that his dad left him and that he had a few more problems, but he never really wanted to talk about them.

„Still I have to overthink this affair"
„I completely understand you, maybe just talk to him when you calmed down and when hes down from what ever he's on. Trust me he hadn't been himself while kissing that hoe. He didn't even move. I think he didn't even really noticed"

Does this make it better? I let him go and he gets high as fuck? This doesn't seem reliable.

„This doesn't make it better at all. I have to think about it. I'm not stable enough for drama and he knows this."
„He isn't either. You know the way he copes, it's unhealthy and it kills him slowly."
I looked at my arms, then slid up the sleeves of my pullover and showed him the bandages.
„Me neither"
„Oh well ehm... I'm sorry"
Fastly I showed them down again and looked in his eyes.

„I still love him Trace, and that's so fucked. Please just keep an eye on him. Just don't let him hurt hisself. And don't get him drugs"
„I'll try, but he's a grown up, he doesn't listen to me, neither to anyone. I will check for him and promise you'll keep an eye on yourself. We don't want the sexy body of yours to be more broken then it is"
Tracy opened his arms and I fell in them.

„Thanks. I gotta go now before I cry even more."
„Remember he loves you"

I ran to my car and drove, and drove, and drove, through the streets till I reached the coast. There I could cry, cry the soul out of me and nobody noticed. How much I wanted him with me now. He has to make a big apology. It's a hard piece of work, but we'll get through this, right?