Crucified -Jean X Reader

Jealousy

You shook off your jacket and placed it on the hanger next to your door. Stretching out your arms, you made your way across your office and to your bedroom door. Opening the door, you didn't bother to turn on the lights, heading straight to your bed. 

Walking to your bed, a flicker of light appears. You stood frozen in the middle of the room as you eye one of your lamps illuminated at the corner of the room with a tall figure sitting next to it on the couch.

Erwin's glare soften in surprise at your appearance. You stood there with a blank, dumbfound innocent look not understanding Erwin's presence, wasn't he mad at you? Erwin felt his heart swell for a moment as he saw you doe eyed. He thought he saw Marie standing there before him staring at him with that innocent look she always carried. Blinking, the image disappeared leaving you standing there in front of him.

Seeing you, his glare returned.It was hard to distinguish what he felt at the moment. Hate towards you, jealousy towards Levi, assuming that's who you were with. But what held him in a confused state of emotions was that all he wanted to do was kiss you at the moment. Could it be because he was in awe with your appearance, realizing his mistakes? Or maybe it was because at that moment you looked so much like Marie, from your regular actions to your way of dressing.

 Before you were able to speak you felt something hit your feet. You look down to see the flowers Jean had gotten you. Seeing some of the petals falling you quickly bent down to pick them up. You tried fixing them up as much as you could before you placed them on your night stand. You stared down at the flowers, a small smile appeared as you remember tonight's earlier events.

Erwin stood behind you.

He gripped you tightly by the arm and yanked you onto the couch. You found yourself laying on the couch as Erwin hovered on top of you. Your breathe hitched. The room became silent as you looked up at him with gleamy eyes, a hint of curiosity and confusion behind them. Erwin stared down at you, his eyes searched around your face looking for something. 

"Erw-"

The feeling of hatred and love clashed with Erwin's thoughts.

His lips came crashing down rough on you. You were surprised at the affection. You felt as he bit your lip harshly, drawing blood. It wasn't the pleasureable type of pain you usually felt, this time it really stung. You yelped into the kiss only making Erwin slide his tongue into your mouth. His rough hands aggressively groped your thighs. You tried to enjoy it, but the sensation felt nothing like it use to, it felt dark.

You tried shoving Erwin off, but his tall and muscular built weighed too much for you. The movement of his actions were quick and rough, so his thought was that you were joining in on his fun too, unaware that you were trying to get him off. You went to your last resort and punched Erwin in the face, earning yourself freedom. You gasped for air as he pulled away from your lips and you quickly sat up.

Erwin touched his face, still feeling the pain from your punch as he stared at you in shock. You lightly touched your bottom lip, feeling a sting. You withdrew your fingers from your lip and you looked down at them, blood covered your fingertips. Your eyes grew wide in shock as you return the same look to Erwin.

The room became silent as you both stared at each other. You were the first to break away. You stood off the couch and walked over to your dresser. You quietly began undressing in front of Erwin as you slipped on your sleepwear. You sat down as you brushed out your hair staring at a  mirror in front of you.

"why must you wear that for Levi?" Erwin whispered.

You stopped brushing as you looked at Erwin through the reflection. You meet his gaze before you sighed and looked down.

"Your still going on with that. How long has it been since we been fighting over this?"

"Then explain yourself Y/N" he said as his voice began to rise

You gripped the hairbrush feeling a sense of anger come through you. It never seemed as if Erwin could get it through that thick skull of his that you and Levi are never going to happen. His jealously was too strong, it always clashed the status of your relationship every single time. Usually, you would shake it off and apologize or remind him of your status with him, but you grew tired of coming out with the same event happening over and over again. Your answer never seemed to satisfy nor feed into Erwin's brain.

"You know what Erwin, I don't have to explain shit to you" you calmly stated.

Erwin's eyes widen at your response.

"W-"

"I'm going to bed, please leave."

"We still have to finish this conversation"

"It's already over Erwin"

"No, it's not"

"It is, you know how this everyday conversation plays out. You know what I'm going to say. I know what you're gonna respond with. We both know the ending."

Erwin towered over you. He gripped your chin as he forced you to look at him. Bored, tired eyes looked his way. They seemed unbothered to him, unaware the mixture of emotions those simple eyes held. He roughly pushed your face away as he withdrew his hand.

For a second, you almost felt like reaching out to grab his hand. How you wished tonight played different.

 All you wanted was to feel the same warmth of skin from Erwin as you felt with Jean. Your heart pleaded you to apologize and pull him into an embrace, make him feel secure of his role of the one who owned your heart, but your brain stubbornly neglected the pleas. 

You felt as the warmth of his touch slowly lingered away from your skin. You were so deep in thought you were unaware of Erwin's absence and the open doors that led him outside. You stared down at the floor as you furrowed your brows in frustration, a tear escaped as it dropped down to the ground.

You threw yourself into bed as you looked up at the ceiling. 

Why must you always want Erwin?