Crucified -Jean X Reader

Ocean

Levi sits by a murky pond the abandon town had. He taps his foot impatiently as he waits for you to come back. His mind goes back to the conversation he had with Armin earlier, a ghost smile paints his face. He couldn't wait to see the huge smile on your face as you run up to him and tell him about the sand discovery even though Armin had already told him. 

His eyes leave the water as he hears the sound of galloping coming closer. He stands from his spot and starts heading over to where he hears the sound, to greet you. He can feel Jean standing next to him as he too waits for you. Both men had been waiting impatiently for your safe arrival.

As the horse and figure comes into view, it felt like time had stopped. Jean and Levi freeze in their spots as they see only Erwin arriving, carrying a sad look on his face. The cadets began to gather around to hear what Erwin had to say.

He hoped off his horse and cleared his throat as his hands held his so called wound.

"Today's mission has been here by terminated, We are to move out as soon as possible and head back to the walls"

"Advisor Smith, where's Advisor Y/N?" asked Armin.

Erwin casted his eyes down to the ground, pretending to look in a sad state.

"Oi! Erwin answer the kids question" said Levi

Erwin lifts up his head and looks at Jean. Jeans eyes go wide and he begins shaking his head.

"I'm sorry" Erwin finally says.

Levi grabs Erwins collar harshly.

"What did you do to her?! Tell me where she is!" he says with gritted teeth.

Erwin's eyes start to leak as he stares at Levi right in his eyes.

"You know I still cared for her in the end" he whispers to him

So it's true, you really are dead.

Levi slowly let's go of Erwin and backs away. He feels his mind go blank.

Here Levi was again, losing another beloved friend to the titans. And here he was again, not being able to save them when he was right there. He felt tears finally prickle his dry eyes.

But she wanted to see the Ocean. She was so close.

He turned around and faced the murky pond he was hanging out by. Without a single word, he carries himself over there. He peers down at the water.

"Do you think the ocean's water is dark like the pond's or clear like the creek's?"

"Do you think I'll be able to see it?"

"I dreamed of reaching the ocean. It felt liberating, like we finally accomplish something meaningful, something big and I guess I just really want to be there when it happens".

His hand slowly dips into the dirty pond water.

"tch. Your covered in filth"

"Here, you want some?"

"Why were you in there?"

"I don't know honestly. I think I was just entranced by the night sky"

And then another hand slipped in

"Listen, what I mean is, you're stupid for even thinking you might not make it to the ocean. Of course you will, what kind of stupid question is that Y/N. You'll make it and I'll be there by your side. Your real right hand" 

"Thanks Levi"

Levi found himself unfazed by the bacteria pool as he absentmindedly found himself in the pond.

You wanted to go to the Ocean. I told you we'd make it there together.

"I'm so sorry" he whispered.

Tears slipped out of his eyes as he finally accepts your death.

---

Jean watches Levi as he absentmindedly takes himself into the pond. It was definitely affecting him heavily. 

Jean clenches his fist as he refuses to believe you didn't make it. You had more experience than more than half of the cadets there, It was impossible. He turns around to Erwin.

"What happened to her.."

"Sacrificed herself for my safety and the groups safety"

That felt like a blow to Jeans stomach. It did sound like something you would do. He stood quiet trying to swallow down the aching pain he was feeling in his throat. His eyes were burning as tears were threatening to leave. He couldn't even seem to form any more words.

"Where" he croaked out

His voice seemed to betray him as it began to tremble.

"I'm sorry Cadet Kirstein, It's best to leave it at that"

 His eyes began to fixate on the ground as his eyes went blurry. Marco placed his hand on his shoulder trying to console him. His blurry eyes picked up a red smudge. His eyes followed the red smidge and as his vision unblurred he noticed it was a bright red stain that was painted on Erwin's shirt. 

His supposed injury.

Jean began to narrow his eyes at it. He never once heard Erwin wince in pain nor ask for aid. The bright red stain looked a little too bright for it to be considered blood now that he thought about   it...

Could he be lying?

He shrugged Marco off and walked towards Erwin. Without a word he pulled Erwin's shirt up, exposing his skin free of damage. There was no wound nor was there any blood at all. Erwin pulled his shirt down quickly before anyone else got a glimpse.

Jean felt a wave of anger consume him. His right fist connected with Erwin's face as he knocked  him down to the ground.

"YOU FUCKING LIAR! WHERE IS SHE!"

Erwin held his cheek as he stood up.

"Cadet Kirstein that is no way to treat your new Commander"

Another fist connected with Erwin's gut as Jean fell into a rage. Fist after fist, he sent Erwin back down to the ground. Cadets ripped Jean off of him as he left Erwin in a blood pulp.

"What's gotten in to you Jean?!" said Marco as he folded him back.

He watched as a tear dropped from Jean's eyes. He was shaking furiously.

"ERWIN, YOU KILLED HER DIDN'T YOU!...TELL ME"

Erwin looked at him in shock.

"YOU DID YOU BASTARD, ALL FOR WHAT, THAT STUPID TITLE. FUCK YOU! YOU'RE NOTHING! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A FUCKING KILLER"

Jean couldn't take it anymore and dropped to his knees.

"I loved her so much and you took her away from me" he whispered.

He stared at his now bruised up hand. He thought of him holding yours as he placed a kiss on it like he always had. He thought of your teasing and the way you'd laugh at him. The way you were tough on him yet so soft, showering him with affection.

How will I feel your warmth now Y/N? I refuse to believe you're gone. You can't be gone. We're not done loving each other. I'm not done showing you how much you mean to me. And you're not done doing bigger things Y/N. 

Y/N, what about the Ocean. Did you really give up to the hands of that traitor, even after you promised to shove all your success in his face, even after you wanted nothing more than to visit the Ocean. Don't tell me you've let him win.

Y/N, I want you to tell me how you're feeling. I want you to tell me everything. 

I need to see you.

Jean didn't think about the titans or the possibility of danger as his mind set on you. He stood up and ran. He ran to the nearest horse and ignored the calls of his friends as he rode off back to the forest.

Determined to see you again.