Marvel Oneshots And Crack

Please Don't Put Your Eggs In Me!

Uh...I don't even know anymore. 

Steve gets a surgery by SHIELD and it does more than he thinks. 

Steve POV

I come out of anesthesia feeling...different. I chalk it all up the much higher appetite and the muscle and more manly physique, too woozy and tired to really care.

I come back to the Avengers Tower, the incision in my lower belly feeling sore. I down some strong pain medication, laying down on the sofa and watching Thor and Clint game together.

"Hey, Blondie. Yeesh, you look rough."

I groan. "Just sore."

He lightly hits my shoulder with affection, and I let it comfort me before drifting off to sleep. 

For a week, things are normal. I recover quickly, the serum working to repair my surgical site. And then...my chest suddenly feels tender, my nipples very swollen. Day by day it gets worse, until one day  I pull on a shirt and it's tighter. 

Worried, I rush to the mirror, and I gasp at seeing myself. My chest has gone from taut muscled pectorals to...to breasts. Not small ones, either...very womanly, very round breasts. 

I squish them, and something leaks out of my nipples. No...this can't be happening to me!

My face hot, I pull on multiple shirts, but my chest looks even larger! And to my horror, the jostling causes more milk to leak out of me. I resign myself to my fate, pulling on my coat and arranging a scarf to hide my...my breasts. 

Thoroughly embarrassed, I rush to the store, head to the baby section, and grab a breast pump.

When I am once more alone in my bedroom, I take off my coat and my shirt, my face reddening when I realize my breasts grew in the short time of going to the store. They hang heavily, jiggling with every movement. Geez, I'm at least a triple D cup now!

I slowly hook up the breast pump, turn it on, and instantly shudder and moan a little. My sore breasts are massaged, sending pleasure throughout my body like I've never felt before. I can't help it; I moan and giggle!

It takes a while before I am finally out of milk. I detach the pumps and stare in slight horror and awe at what my own body can do. 

For a while, that's all it is. I try to adjust to my new body, and I am almost okay with it, until new sensations emerge. One day, I pull up my pants only to struggle immensely with the zipper. I try and try, and then it occurs to me that my stomach looks a tad rounder, feels a bit...softer. 

Filled with foreboding, I peer into the mirror, and gasp. I...I've gained weight! I feel myself, feeling paunch where I once felt hip bones. When I pat my belly, it jiggles. I feel my face, surprised to see that I've got slightly chubby cheeks now. 

Bewildered and slightly alarmed, I decide to wear my sweatpants and a large shirt, before heading downstairs. Thor is happily cooking with Bruce, while Tony eats blueberries and rambles about cars. 

I shove my hands in my pockets, about to get myself a plate of food when I suddenly have to pee, quite urgently. I hurry to the bathroom, barely making it. I'm even hungrier when I exit, so much that my mouth is watering. 

When I've cleared three full plates, having given in to my strange but extremely powerful craving for bacon and mustard and Nutella, Clint chuckles. "You remind me of my wife when she's pregnant."

My face gets warm. "Just...just hungry."

"Yeah, ever since your surgery, you're eating way more. And...and weird stuff, too." Bruce comments, grinning a little.