( FINISHED ) Wings of Fire OC Rating

Thisel

OC belongs to @MelanieGarcia032

Name: Thisel

Uhh, I'm not entirely sure what 'Thisel' is (do you mean 'Thistle'?), but I don't want to assume anything, so I'm going to go with Thisel

Age: 32

Alright

Gender: Male

Cool

Tribe: NightWing

Oo, my favourite.

Sexuality: Straight

Okay

Appearance: Blue black scales. Silver scales on his wings that look like stars. His eyes are light brown.

This needs way more description. What is his horn / claw colour? What is his belly colour? What is his bodyshape (fat, skinny, tall, short, etc)? Is he strong or weak? Does he have any scars or freckles and such? Those are just some starting points.

Pearsonality: Nice, short tempered, overprotective, strong

This needs a lot more detail, positive and negative. He might be nice, but when does he get short tempered? He's overprotective, so maybe that pushes away his loved ones and created conflict? He's strong, but what was his weaknesses?

Occupation: Chief

Neato

Residence: Village high in the mountains

Nice, but in the SkyWing kingdom or lower?

Relatives: Spiretwaker (father) Moonsight (mother) Dremwaker (twinbrother) Eagre (mate) Garnet (daughter)

Again, uh, some of these names seemed misspelled, but I'm not going to change them in case that's their actual names.

Friends: Moonstar

Warrior Cats flashbacks.

Backstory: Thisel parents ran away from the NightWing kingdom. His parents found out he was a animus, and they told him to keep it hiden. One day when he was 1 he was found by a group of IceWings. His father fought them off but died later from his injures. A few days later his mother died from sickness. A NightWing patrol found him and his brother so they brought them back to the kingdom. Thisel fell in love with making stuff. When he was 6 the queen give him the job to make millter (?) weapons. He fell in love with Eagere, a SeaWing run away. He enchanted a bracelet to make her look like a NightWing and brought her back her back to the NightWing kingdom. They had a dragonet but Eagere ran away the same day she hatched. He named her Garnet after a stone he was making weapons off. Soon his queen found out about what he did and exiled him and his daughter. Her ran to the mountains were he made a village for ran away dragons.

Okay, so. This is a good backstory, but I am confused about some of the characters motives. Why did his parents run away from the kingdom? Why did Eagere run away? What happened to his brother, did he start a family or get a job or anything? How was growing up in the NightWing Kingdom like (as I'm assuming you're talking about the volcano and not the rainforest)? How long was the gap between his parents dying and him and his brother being found by the NightWings, and what did they do during that timeframe?

Overall, I give Thisel a 4.5/10. Work majorly on his appearance, personality, and backstory, and, uh. Also the names.