Trying For You

Chapter Forty Seven

RILEE POV

My eyes stayed on my plate of food, pushing around pieces of pancakes as my mom finished making breakfast. As much as I felt hurt that Quinn would think I'd do that to her, that I'd break her the way I was once broken, I also felt immense guilt. The look on her face kept replaying over and over, and I couldn't find it in me to go back. I can't even describe how it felt when the question was asked, breaking something in me. Everything my breakup caused just surfaced after I tried so hard to move on.

"This is how you do it." Ma spoke and held my hand with the fork, stabbing piece of pancake and brought it to my mouth. "Now open."

I sighed and shrugged my hand out of her hold. "I'm not in the mood."

"Just go talk to her. It's better than sitting here and bringing down my mood." She grumbled.

"River, behave for once." Mom scolded, sitting down at the table with her own food.

I tuned them out, remembering Quinn's sweet face once again. My eyes landed on the pancakes, and with a clench of my heart I thought about her not having anything to eat.

"Ma," I called, puppy dog eyes ready. "Can you do something for me?"

She thought for a moment, "Do I have to?"

"Please?" I pouted.

"Fine. What is it? It better not be anything difficult." She mumbled.

After telling her what I wanted, she obviously refused. Then mom made her go.

***

"Come here." My mom opened her arms as we sat in the living room.

Max, the family dalmation dog, sat at our feet. Ma had brought him home a couple of years ago after finding him at the park. Max, along with the rest of my family's pet dogs, recently came back from a dog camp Ma had started some years ago. Now she sends them all for a couple of weeks twice a year.

Wasting no time, I found myself in my mother's arms being held. "I didn't mean to curse at her. Now I can't get her face out of my head."

Mom placed her chin on my head, "couples fight, honey and then they make up. It's all part of being in a relationship."

"But she's, Quinn. She's never been in a relationship before and she tries so hard and I felt so hurt that she thought I'd do something so disgusting that I forgot. I forgot how new she is to all this and I let my anger out on her. Sometimes I still feel it. The insecurity, pain, and sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for her or that she's going to get tired of the way I love. Brittany once told me that my love suffocated her. That my constant need to hold hands or whenever I'd randomly kiss her, that it was too much. With Quinn, it's even scarier because I could feel my love surpassing what I felt for Brittany. Sometimes when I just look at her or when she randomly does something like buy me a damn blanket, I just, I fall harder. And I fear that she's going to not catch me one day. I didn't mean to yell at her and I know she has her own insecurities, I know how much she's afraid of being left alone again and now I'm only being a coward for not going to her."

I felt a kiss being placed on the top of my head. "No amount of love you give will ever be too much for the right person. I mean, you've met your Ma." She chuckled softly. "I love that woman but let me tell you, she sure does love above and beyond. She's childish, she's whiny, immature at times but she loves me like no one else can. I swear one day my heart is gonna give out one morning because of her constant staring, but she never fails to bring me flowers or send a random text or compliment me between a conversation. It's never too much for someone who loves you back with the same intensity."