[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[43.] Your bride.

Lan Xichen carried him in his arms and placed him in the bed. Just like a cat indeed, Jiang Wanyin stretched and purred, asking his husband to undress him  –  he knew that this would bring him pleasure. There was something different, something special in Zewu-Jun's touch... he could not explain it. He always waited for it, hoped for it. 

He wasn't quite sure if his lover understood what effect his hands had on him.

He loved how, in time, they were getting to know each other better, and also  –  what the other preferred and liked. He really wished it was just the two of them... no servants even, in the whole world, he only needed his husband. The times when he was so miserable and alone right after their wedding seemed so far behind, as if in a previous lifetime. And the biggest miracle of all was that Lan Xichen was the one to take steps towards him; he was the one who opened his heart first...

He bit his lip; Jiang Cheng had always wondered about his previous love, but never dared ask. He knew about Zewu-Jun's past; Wei Wuxian would discuss it often and he used to listen, distractedly, but now he was aware that he was jealous of that time... it felt like time lost. He wanted all of Lan Huan's love, greedily, all of it, all for himself. Sometimes his heart would grow cold just at the thought that maybe his husband still had feelings for... him. 

He dreaded that more than anything. He was prepared to lose anything, everything, but not his love. It was already impossible for him to live without that, he knew it deep in his soul.

***

He was lying in bed, watching him get undressed. He wondered whether Zewu-Jun would claim him tonight too... He still felt like a bride right after her wedding; it was a feeling he could not shed.

~~

- Huan?  –  he ventured.

- Mmmm?

- Do you want me?  –  he asked shyly.

- Honey, you are still unwell; you need rest, Wanyin. I'm here.  –  Lan Xichen said softly, hugging him tight.

~~


- Huan? –  he looked up at him again.

- Mmmm?

- Both times we... were together... I was... Umm...  -  he stuttered, blushing.  –  I don't remember too much... I...

- I see.  –  Lan Huan smiled.  –  Are you asking a question right now, Sandu Shengshou?

- I- I...  -  Sandu Shengshou was blushing severely, feeling his throat too dry.  –  I meant to ask you, Zewu-Jun... Uhhhh...

- Wanyin?

- Oh goddammit!  –  Jiang Cheng cursed. –  What I am asking you... is... Was it good?  Was it good for you...? Was I any good at all... Uh, Gods! It can't have been good... I had never done this before, and you... ummmm...

~~

He gave up and hid his face in his husband's clothes, panting. 

It was excruciating for him to talk about sex; he had no idea why. After all, his husband had seen him naked from every possible angle now.

- How can you be worried about this, my love?  –  Lan Xichen laughed heartily.

- Well, I am!  –  he pouted.  –  I want to make you happy. This is part of it!

- Sweetheart, don't worry.  –  Lan Huan teased. –  My kitten is the prettiest, the sweetest. The hottest too....  –  he said dreamily, making him blush even more.

- Yea, this doesn't help. –  he mumbled, almost giving up.  –  Well, perhaps next time... Well, if there is next time!  –  he huffed, annoyed.

- What?!  –  Lan Huan propped himself in bed immediately, staring at him in shock. –  What does this mean, kitten?!?  –  he asked, gasping.

- Don't call me that!!!  –  he snapped, sulking.  –  I am tired, let's sleep.