[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[173.] Sauve-moi. 🔞 [TW]

NOTE:

Trigger Warning

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Sauve-moi. (French) - "Save me."

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His heart was torn in two  –  he wanted to be, he longed to be loyal to his Masters; Zewu-Jun had been nothing but extremely gentle and nice to him, always. But now, watching them fuck, unable to even blink, tears running down his face at the sight of that beautiful, extraordinary body being impaled so brutally, rocked with force and grabbed in such a disgusting, vulgar manner  –  he hated Lan Xichen, he hated him deeply. 

How could he do this?! Why would he?!

Breathless, helpless, he barely knew when his hand had slid down, undone his belt and his pants, and was now pumping his achingly hard cock. Sandu Shengshou's face was turned to him, his bleeding mouth wide open, he was panting heavily like an animal, his eyes closed, his dark hair falling over his shoulders, long and free. 

Beautiful, beautiful, gorgeous...

- Oh, Gods... Gods, why are you punishing me so...  -  he whimpered, finishing too soon, eyes glued to the perverse sex his Masters were still having, sweaty, biting, teasing each other, eager to drink each other, their bodies uniting under strange angles all the time.

Later, when the moon was already setting, he went to bed, praying to both Heaven and Hell for oblivion. He begged to be rid of all the pictures in his head, of this unhealthy attraction, of this impossible fascination with someone he could never possibly have. Desperate, he prayed for quick death, fully realizing that if Zewu-Jun ever caught him  –  he would be dead in seconds. He had been quite reckless lately... perhaps he subconsciously wanted  to be caught, to be done with it all.

His soul was so tormented that he could not sleep, wondering how, why he had fallen so much, so hard, over such a short period of time... Never before had he been interested in relationships or marriage. He was a soldier, and quite happy to be one, this was his life. He had no illusions; it was so extremely obvious that the Masters were very much in love with each other.

In the very beginning, when he started with his unsavory nightly hobby, he had sincerely thought that Master Jiang was forced to endure it all, and it made him angry; he had before heard stories about their arranged marriage, and how Sandu Shengshou was betrayed by his Clan... 

But then, later, when he observed more carefully, it became very clear that it was his Clan Leader who usually begged and teased and chased after Zewu-Jun, seeking satisfaction and pleasure.

This was the thing that amazed him the most. He didn't have a hard time accepting that the two of them were going to have a child together. But his brain was still grappling with the idea that the two of them were so madly, deeply in love. It was the first time he had ever seen anything like that, anything so profound and absurdly sexual. It was rough, it was brutal, it was unnatural. Perhaps it was because they were cultivators... their bodies healed fast, and they had long life, youth, magic. But he had met cultivators before; the Masters were like no others. Well, perhaps Master Wei and his husband... 

But Sandu Shengshou was so, so much prettier than Master Wei...

Why. Why?!   

Why would he think that? What was that? Why couldn't he look away? Why would he even dream about him? Why wasn't he able to control himself, stop himself?

He sighed, turning in the bed, hoping to catch a little bit of rest before the dawn, too confused and embarrassed to think any more. He hoped that perhaps in sleep at least he would be able to forget. 

Forget a love that had already turned into an obsession.