[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[109.] Insomnia. [TW]

NOTE:

Trigger Warning

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Inspiration for the chapter's title:

IAMX - "Insomnia"

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Source: 

https://modao-zushi.fandom.com/wiki/Sandu

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Then, all of a sudden, Jiang Cheng pranced out of bed too and grabbed Sāndú.  

Zewu-Jun gasped when he saw him kneel at his feet, lifting the sword up, but lowering his eyes, and murmuring:

- Please, Zewu-Jun. Please, I am begging you. Take my eyes. If this is the way for me to be with you...to feel your warmth... to be loved by you... then... I don't need them. I don't need to see you in order to love you. So please, take them out. I love you so very much... I need you so much... Please, Zewu-Jun. I am imploring you!

Tears were falling down his face and his voice faltered, but his hands were steady, and he was offering his sword to his husband with all the certainty and all the strength that his love was giving him. 

He dared not look up, but Lan Xichen collapsed to his knees and whimpered:

- Wanyin!!!  Oh, Gods!!!

He grabbed the sword all too swiftly and threw it away to the side, grabbing his lover and pressing him hard to himself.

- My love, how could you ever want this from me?! How could you be begging  for this, Wanyin!!! Never! No! I refuse!  –  he cried, terrified and trembling.

- Husband...  -  Jiang Cheng whispered.  –  I mean it... I don't mind... I know my heart, Lan Huan. I will gladly sacrifice such a small thing if it means I can be with you again, my love... I miss you so terribly much... I want you so much, Huan... Being away from you is the worst torture imaginable... and I can't... I am not strong enough...

They faced each other, weeping, breaking down. Jiang Cheng reached out and caressed his husband's face, trying to smile at him. His hand glided down and rested on his chest, and he murmured lovingly:

- Let me in... Zewu-Jun, please... Let me in your heart... Let me touch you... Let me kiss you... My love, I need you...

He could clearly feel Lan Xichen's heart pounding too fast, too hard. He was shaking with the extreme desire to move away, be away from the touch on his chest  –  the effort to stay cost him everything. 

Jiang Wanyin's heart broke  –  he removed his palm sadly. His eyes slid over the milk-white skin, the long, strong, muscular limbs, the beautifully-shaped lips, the warm eyes, the gorgeous long hair he so much loved to hide in... and the damned Gusu headband; this was all Lan Xichen was wearing  –  his shirt and the ribbon.

Zewu-Jun could only gape when Sandu Shengshou suddenly lifted his hands and carefully untied his headband, staring into his eyes with a strange mix of sadness and desire. He then took the band and tied it around his eyes. 

Both were very still and very quiet for a while.

- Love me. Make love to me.  -  Jiang Wanyin whispered finally.

Lan Xichen felt dizzy  –  this devotion was making him weak. 

He leaned in and whispered back in Jiang Cheng's hair:

- You are the most amazing thing that has ever happened in my life, Sandu Shengshou. I love you fully, I love you with everything I have, everything I am.

Jiang Wanyin smiled faintly, but his smile was short-lived, because thirsty lips were soon drinking him impatiently. 

His husband took all his clothes off in a hurry, and he felt the hot breath on his belly  –  Lan Xichen was covering it all over with burning kisses. When he reached out in the darkness, he managed to find him, and touch him, and he realized that his lover was also naked. He relaxed back in the bed and tried to imagine the beautiful body, the gentle hands, the hot lips that were covering him with urgent kisses all over.

***

The room was warm, the night was tender, and they were the only ones who heard each other's breathless desperate moans as their bodies merged and arched to meet each other in the heated darkness. 

Sandu Shengshou's body was melting with the utter pleasure of satisfaction at last  –  Lan Huan was making love to him slowly and gently, supporting him in his arms at all times, kissing his mouth unceasingly, not letting him rest, not letting him breathe. They never slept that night, but it did not matter – nothing was sweeter than this fatigue.

Finally, their happiness was complete and their missing was over; they belonged to each other fully, giving themselves away, receiving only pure love.