[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[69.] Two sides of the coin.

Sandu Shengshou found himself conflicted. 

On the one hand, his husband was absolutely right. Had it not been his own mother, he would have cut down anyone insolent enough, and stupid  enough, to dare insult him to his face. He understood his husband's desire and need to protect him, to defend his honor  –  it also meant Lan Xichen's own honor by association, and as Clan Leader, it was the most natural thing to do, personal feelings aside. 

Jiang Cheng did not blame his mother for the awful things she had done to him, but he could not bear the realization that because of her actions he had turned out the way he was now  –  insecure, moody, short-tempered, impatient. He wanted to be better  –  for the sake of his marriage, for his husband, and for his future children.

On the other hand, he felt that he had to stop this from happening. A war between the two Clans was unthinkable. And what of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji? They were not his most favorite people, true, but Lan Huan loved his brother blindly, and Wei Wuxian loved his husband deeply. 

How would they choose a side? It was already awful enough that Zewu-Jun banished his own uncle from his life. A war within the war? No, it was irrational. And what if something happened to him...? Jiang Cheng felt the blood run cold in his veins  –  if something happened to Lan Huan he would not survive it, he was sure of it.

- Huan...  -  he looked into his face seriously.

- Mmmm?

- Please, let it go. I know how you feel, but let's forget about it. Let's focus on us.  –  he took his hand and placed it on his belly again, blushing.

Lan Xichen frowned. It was very rare that Zewu-Jun got angry, but whenever it happened  –  it happened for a good reason. 

He leaned in and growled in his ear predatorily:

- Is this a formal request, Future Clan Leader Jiang?

- Yes.  -  Sandu Shengshou clenched his teeth. He knew well that he was asking his husband to swallow his pride, to sacrifice his unborn son.

- I cannot promise you this, A-Cheng. But I promise to think about it. For you.  –  Lan Xichen growled.

- Violence begets violence, Zewu-Jun. All I'm asking you is to be with me... I might be selfish, but I miss you.  -  Jiang Cheng mumbled, not daring to look at him; he could feel how the injustice enraged him.

- I miss you too, kitten.  –  Lan Xichen said, but all tenderness was gone from his voice. It seemed that he was more upset by the whole incident than Jiang Cheng himself.

Jiang Wanyin really missed him. In the last days, he had been really weak, and after all the blood he had lost on his birthday  –  Lan Huan was really careful with him. They touched and caressed each other all the time, but it wasn't enough, not for him. And he was sure it definitely wasn't enough for his husband. He was still amazed sometimes how the cold and reserved Zewu-Jun in reality was so hot and passionate in bed.

He leaned in, hiding his face in the long dark hair, and murmured:

- Enough torture... Enough suffering. I don't want anyone dying for me, and I don't want to lose you... If you have to go to war again, I will lose my mind, Huan... I want our children to have two parents, taking care of them, adoring them... I need you, husband...

- Oh, Wanyin...  -  he breathed.