[曦澄 | XiCheng]: The Fear Of Falling In Love [~PART 1~]

[151.] From top to bottom. [I] 🔞

NOTE:

The next three parts are pure sex, as sex is so much more than what school and porn teaches us. Forgive me if they sound a bit strange, I am extremely sleep-deprived. 

Enjoy! 🔞

****
Art by:   https://www.instagram.com/huli_weiba/   

****

Jiang Cheng was panting helplessly, absolutely powerless to even move. What kind of magic was that?! Why was he feeling so weak when he was next to Zewu-Jun? And when he was in his arms... Gods, he could happily just lay his life at his feet... This could never happen, it had never happened with anyone else in his life.

- I need you to belong to me... I need you to be only mine, Huan...  -   he whispered desperately.

- I am yours, my love.  –  Lan Huan murmured, amazed at the words.

- You don't understand... I love you way too much. I am jealous of your meetings... It is painful to watch you write letters... I miss you while you're sleeping... My body fights for air when you are not with me...  -  he breathed.

The grip on his body got so much tighter that Jiang Cheng vaguely worried about the baby. He was trapped inside a cage of skin, and blood, and flesh, but there was no better feeling than this. He needed this. 

He needed to be able to have his husband in the same way too, just like Zewu-Jun had him in that instant. 

He purred, too content to be so owned:

- Yes... Oh, yes... This is it. This is what I need. I so need to be one with you... One, fully, completely.

- You are a part of me... This will never change.  –  Lan Xichen whispered darkly in his ear.  –  And I am a part of you too. By the laws of men, and Gods, and nature. I am yours.  –  he repeated.

- I need to have you... I need a better way to have you...  -  Jiang Cheng murmured dreamily.  –  I need to make you mine... utterly, finally, absolutely mine...

- Wanyin...

Lan Xichen felt that he was getting in one of those trances that usually ended up in wild sex, and he couldn't do it just yet. 

Not after last time. 

He let go of their embrace, which made Jiang Wanyin whimper like a wounded animal, getting out of bed and lighting a candle now. He needed to be able to see.

- Why didn't you tell me, A-Cheng?  –  Zewu-Jun sat up in the bed, looking at him sadly.  –  Why did you have to make our last lovemaking so... forceful?  Was it at least good for you... at all?

Jiang Wanyin was blushing, ashamed, finally beginning to understand.

- I... I don't know. Sex is all I have... The only way I have... to show you... To prove to you...  -  he took a deep breath, trying to formulate a better sentence.  –  It is the way for me to show you that I love you. I don't know another way. And I know that you like it when... it's... hot and... rough... and... shameless... and... 

He couldn't go on, too ashamed to talk about such things; he just pulled the bed cover over his head and moaned. This was excruciating.

Lan Xichen was gaping. 

He wasn't sure he understood too well. He knew that his husband was quite stressed out, and needed some outlet for his frustration, some way to feel empowered, confident, in control. He was trying to control his environment, which was impossible, and then  –  also control their sex dynamics, which was frustrating for him. 

So... This was why it had felt so bad that night.

He pulled the covers abruptly and threw them to the floor, making the flame of the candle quiver. Jiang Cheng looked away, as he had nowhere to hide now, but then thought that he had to be braver than that, and stared right into Zewu-Jun's eyes.

Lan Xichen smiled, seeing the large scared cat eyes; it was a sight that he adored, and also one that filled his heart with pain. He truly hated to see Jiang Wanyin so anxious, so terrified. 

Now he climbed in bed, making it creak menacingly, and carefully and slowly got on top of his shivering husband, bending over and whispering in his hair:

- Sex is all you have?! No.  –  he smiled faintly, and Sandu Shengshou felt it, even though he could not see his face.  –  You have thousands of other ways to show me your love, husband...  It is in the way you look at me in the morning...  It is in your soft sigh when I kiss your lips...  It is in the way your hand touches my skin, even though it looks hideous...  It is also in the way you scream my name while your body obeys and gives me pleasure...