Speechless | Spencer Reid FanFiction ✔️

Chapter 10: Always Open

It's now been about a month since Spencer was shot and he is now fully off the crutches. He's been using a cane for about a week now and he seems to be getting closer and closer now to not even needing it. He still carries it with him everywhere. I can't decide if I love it or hate it, but whether or not I like it isn't important because he needs it right now.
Spencer has been working the cases remotely with Garcia in her office. Hotch found out Spencer tried to sign his own flying clearance and was not happy. The team just wrapped up a local case in D.C. he wouldn't tell me much about it besides the fact that it was very violent. He's currently at my apartment with me. We are on my living room couch watching random movies we find on tv. Spencer has his head in my lap and Ryder is asleep on Spencer's chest. I'm so happy to see they've taken such a liking to each other.
I can tell Spencer is still reeling from his case, but he doesn't want to worry me. He can't see me for days while he works his cases even though they're in town. He's either working or sleeping and I know he has no free time. I'm not upset in the slightest I'm just worried for how much I'll miss him when he is actually cleared to fly again and go with the team.
While I'm lost in thought thinking about how this may be the last time or one of the last times I can spend time with him in person before his next case, I feel Spence bring his hand to my cheek. "What are you thinking about, baby?" he asks. I smile softly and say "just thinking about how much I enjoy spending time with you." He smiles briefly and says "I enjoy spending time with you too, but I can tell that something else is bothering you. What are you really thinking about?"
I let out a big sigh and just say "I'm sorry I am just nervous for you to go travel with the team on cases because it's so dangerous and also because I'll miss you." He strokes my cheek and gives me a soft smile. He says "I understand. I'm sorry that I have to leave you. I know you don't want to bring it up and talk to me about it but you need to talk to me when you have feelings like that. Communication is very important. If you don't talk to me, then I can't take care of you properly."
I feel the butterflies stir in my stomach at his statement and say "I know, babe. I just don't want to make you feel guilty for doing your job. You save so many people and the work you do is important. Please know that I'm not mad at you for working, that's not it at all, I just worry about you and miss you when you're gone is all."
Spencer slowly sits up, giving time for Ryder to move off of him and settle elsewhere, and turns to face me. "I know what you mean, I didn't think you were mad I just knew you were having some big feelings about it. It's important we both talk things out, not just about my job but about anything bothering us, okay?" Spencer asks as he pushes some of my hair out of my face and behind my ear.
God, this man is perfect. I nod for a second and then say "Um well there is an entirely different topic we should probably discuss, if that's okay?" Spencer adjusts in his seat to face me and takes my hand in his, lightly caressing it with reassurance. He says "of course, what do you want to talk about?"
I laugh nervously, adjusting in my seat before saying "um well it's really hard for me to talk about and it's a lot, but I'm just going to start out saying I am a virgin. I know it's lame being a 25, almost 26 year old virgin." Spencer nods in understanding and says "I had guessed that before, but I didn't want to make you feel pressured to talk about it before you were ready. And it's not lame at all. I admire you for keeping your standards for so long and not giving in to pressure from your peers and from society. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 22, if that makes you feel better," giving me a half smile.
I give a half smile back. Spencer sees through me, as always, and says "that's not all you wanted to talk about though, is it?" I shake my head and can feel the tug in my lip like it's about to start quivering without my permission. "Um well when I was in high school I was sexually assaulted by a college age guy. He was the older brother of my best friend from high school, her name was Megan. He never raped me or anything, but he would constantly touch me and grab me without my permission," I feel the dam break as tears freely fell down my face. I continued my story saying "When I would stay the night he would trap me in his room and force me to touch him, too. He threatened to tell his sister that it was my idea and that she wouldn't be my friend anymore after this, that I would have no friends because nobody wants a damaged friend."
The sobs wracked my body with such force I wanted to stop and never talk about this ever again, but I knew I had to finish this. Maybe this would be the last time I ever had to say this story out loud. After a few seconds I continue "Megan caught him in the act one time, but she thought I was willingly fooling around with her brother. She told me to leave and never come back or talk to her again. As far as I know she never told anybody about us, she never mentioned it again. It was like our friendship vanished into thin air and I had nobody to help me through the trauma."
I'm fully shaking now as I come towards the end of the story "I have been in therapy since I was a sophomore in college, working through it. I'm a lot better now. I'm still a virgin because I've never been in a relationship long enough to feel comfortable enough to tell this story. I can't let myself be willingly put in a situation where my body might not recognize what's happening and send me into a spiral. My body wants to have sex, believe me, but my brain doesn't. That's why we have had to move so slow, I'm sorry that I am so damaged and come with so much baggage."
I'm full on ugly sobbing on my couch in front of Spencer. When he knows I'm done telling the story he pulls me into his lap, holding me tight, and rubs my arms and back as I cry into his chest. I don't know how long I sit there crying on his lap, but I know it's a good bit before my full sobs have diminished into tiny sniffles and hiccups.
After a while Spencer says while still holding me tight "I am so sorry that that happened to you. You are not damaged in any way, baby. You are so strong. You are so strong for enduring the trauma alone when you felt you had no choice. You are so strong for going to therapy to work through the trauma in a healthy way. You are so strong for knowing what you need and not accepting anything less. You are so strong for being able to tell your own story. You are not damaged, Annie, you are strong." I nod my head, still buried in his chest, and don't say anything. Telling the story fully exhausted me and I soon fall asleep curled up in Spencer's lap.

•••••

I wake up hours later, instead of in Spencer's lap I am now laying on top of him on his right side. He must have positioned me like this so I would avoid his left knee that's still recovering. The memory of what happened before my impromptu nap comes crashing back and I'm afraid I was too much. I'm afraid I may have scared him off. What if I get up and he breaks up with me?
"I know you're awake, Annie, and I can almost feel the worry coursing through your veins," says Spencer. I sit up and give him a tight lipped smile. He returns it and says "how are you feeling? You okay? I was hoping the nap would help so I tried not to disturb you." I let out a big sigh and nod "yeah I think so. Thank you for listening. For understanding. For sticking around. Just thank you." He wipes a tear that I didn't know was left behind on my face and says "you don't have to thank me, Annie. Taking care of you, all of you, is not only my responsibility as your boyfriend, but it's something I want to do. You can always talk to me, my arms and ears are always open."
I nod, my lip quivering a bit as I begin to cry again lightly, and say "you can always talk to me, too, Spence." He says "I know, baby, now why don't we get ready for bed, hmm?" I nod and move to get up off the couch. Spencer gets up and moves to get his bag from the kitchen table. I tell Spencer I'm going to take Ryder out to the pet relief area before bed. He nods and says "if you don't come back in 5 minutes I'm going to come check on you." I smile and nod, knowing he only means well. He's probably more nervous about something happening to me outside than me hiding my feelings from him.
After taking Ryder out I make my way back to the apartment and lock the door behind me once I get inside. I get Ryder set up before bed and grab some pajamas before going into the bathroom to change since Spencer is already in my bed. I do my night time routine and pad out to my side of the bed and climb into bed. Spencer wraps his arms around me from behind and pulls me closer to him, holding me tight. He kissed my temple and without another word we both drift off to sleep.

•••••

I am back in my home town in a house that I don't fully recognize. I know it's a friends' house but I don't know who's it is. I'm walking through the house trying to find somebody. Who am I looking for? I continue looking, hoping I'll know them when I see them. I keep walking and get deeper into the maze that is this house.
As I turn a corner I feel hand cover my mouth and another wrap around my waist and pull me into a room. I hear the door lock behind us as I fall to the floor. I turn and look at who grabbed me and see a face I hoped I would never have to see again. He gives me an evil sadistic smile and says "Miss me? It's time for me to finish the job. You didn't think I forgot about you did you? So glad you waited for me all this time."
I try to scream but nothing comes out. He pushes me down on the ground with such force I feel the wind get knocked out of me. He holds me down and tells me to be still. I'm thrashing my body and trying everything to get away. He starts saying my name over and over again. Annie...Annie..Annie..

"Annie!"

"Annie! Wake up baby! It's me it's Spencer it's okay, you're okay." I open my eyes and realize I had been having a nightmare. The fear from the dream catches up to me at the same time the relief of knowing it was just a dream catches up to me as well. My body is wracked with sobs once again as Spencer holds me tightly and whispers sweet nothings in my ear.
When I finally get it together I apologize and tell him it was just a nightmare. Spencer nods and says "I know baby. What was it about?" I catch my breath and tell him it was about the guy who assaulted me, that he came back to finish the job. Spencer nods solemnly in understanding and says "I'm sorry. Do you want to talk more about it?" I shake my head no and tell him I just want to go back to sleep.
He nods his head and lays down on the bed and allows me to entangle my body with his and latch on to him like a baby koala. He chuckles lightly at my actions and tells me it'll be okay and to have sweet dreams. I drift back to sleep all the while hoping he's right and that I have sweet dreams for the rest of the night. I hadn't had that nightmare for years and telling the story must've brought it back to my subconscious. I finally calm down enough to fall back asleep curled up with Spencer, I feel protected and safe.